The Journey of the Blind Magician

[Melektoth]

Figured I’d start this to share my brand new journey into black magick.

Here’s a bit of history first:

I’m 30 now, but I began dabbling in the occult when I was around 10 or 11 years old. My older cousin introduced me to Wicca, but I got into some of the more ceremonial magick soon after.

Thing is that it was always hard to do much with it since I’m visually impaired, and also lived in an area where there are really very few practicing any sort of alternative path.

I found some resources online, but it was all about using candles, and incense, and showing diagrams that I couldn’t see. I learned the LBRP, middle pillar and some other basic rituals, but that was about as far as I got.

Still I was absolutely fascinated by it. I felt like I was delving into a world far beyond my imagination.

After that, every few years I’d stick my toes into the occult again to see if I could make more progress. About ten years ago I met someone who talked about summoning demons, but he told me all sorts of preparation was required, and that it was dangerous, so I never went through with it. I think he was doing it more from the RHP approach of intimidation.

About two years ago I was first introduced to the LHP. I came across the Temple of Set, which seemed pretty interesting. I read the book, Lords of the Left Hand Path, which I really enjoyed.

I performed some black magick rituals, and it was pretty intense. But still didn’t have a ton of guidance so ran into the same obstacles. Still, the LHP resonated a lot more than the RHP ever did. I resonated with the idea of being my own god especially because I had been getting into the law of attraction and having quite a bit of success with that.

I mentioned this elsewhere but about three years ago, Hades started visiting me and helping me in various ways. It wasn’t in a ritual context, he just started showing up. His advice really helped though and my life quickly got on track.

Every few months, once I felt like I had assimilated the advice he gave, I’d ask for the next level, and pretty soon I’d have another breakthrough. I think he led me to the LHP, because that was the next level for me.

Anyway coming up to this year, I thought I’d take another stab at the occult…I really wanted it to work.

Well I was looking for a refresher on the LBRP, and found a video by E.A. on YouTube. I loved his energy and he seemed super knowledgeable and genuine. His video led me to the BALG website and the book.

I’m skeptical though so before buying the book, I did some research on E.A. I was a bit put off at first because there’s a lot of hate for him in the occult community it seems. I have no idea why now, as he comes across as very genuine.

But something really called me to this website and his books, so I just figured I’d jump in and judge for myself.

Still no idea where all the hate comes from, but this whole community, and all his writings and other resources, totally resonate with me.

Anyway that’s just a bit of my history. I’ll post more below about my more recent experiences.

[Melektoth]

So it’s been pretty odd. My wife is, of all things, Catholic. Though, she’s extremely open minded, but you know, still Catholic.

So the evocation thing is odd for her. I’ve had to very gradually introduce what I’m studying to her. She’s OK with it now, even with the demons and everything.

I was showing her some of the BALG book, but I think Koetting is way too dark for her.

Anyway I’ve been working my way through the Works of Darkness book. Contrary to my nature, I’m trying to take it slowly. I’m pretty sensitive to energy so it doesn’t take me too long to pick up on most things.

I’m loving the darkness exercise in the beginning. I did it for the first time Friday night. I went in my room, shut the door, and sat facing south. No idea why you’re supposed to hold your hands in the precise position he suggests in the book, but I gave it a try anyway.

I sank into meditation. Being blind I can never really get a clear visualization of my room as requested, but I do know the layout of the room pretty well, so I was still able to get an image of it in mind.

As I sank deeper, the darkness was very apparent. There was a bit of fear at first. But as I relaxed into it, it was actually quite comforting. It felt like looking into the Void. I got the distinct feeling that all that exists, exists because the darkness allows it to. The darkness is primordial, yet intelligent.

I was shocked that when I actually checked the time, 15 minutes had passed. I was worried that my 5 minutes weren’t up yet. Usually in meditation time goes excruciatingly slow. But, 15 minutes went by just like that. It felt like 2 or 3 minutes to me. I honestly didn’t want to leave it. The darkness was warm and inviting.

Now if I just relax my focus a minute, I can feel that darkness all around.

So I can’t wait to keep going through the Works of Darkness book. I do see a candle exercise up ahead, and not sure how I can do that one being blind.

I also saw mention of the OAA, and it looks intriguing. I’d love to work through that as well but I’m nervous to add too much to my plate at once. I may still try though and just take it slowly.

[Melektoth]

So I think I got into TGS last night. I’ve had a few brushes with theta but nothing this deep.

I was doing the darkness meditation as mentioned above. Then I figured I’d try to take it deeper and do an evocation while I was there.

I was evoking Clauneck to give him an offering in thanks for the results he’s brought in my life so far.

I thought I’d use “alash tad al-ash tal ashtu”, as I saw a video of E.A. suggesting to use that as a way to get into TGS.

Within 30 seconds or so I started to get a bit dizzy. Cool, that’s the first stage so I knew I was making progress.

I can’t notice any visual effects since I’m blind, so i was curious how this was going to happen.

All of a sudden I feel weightless. I know where I am but at the same time I feel like I’m in the middle of darkness. My ears start to ring, the room sounds far away, like it’s another world.

It feels like an energy vortex is spinning all around me as well.

so I start chanting Clauneck’s enn.

Actually I did it in my mind because I had to remain fairly silent for various reasons.

All of a sudden in my inner vision I was transported to this place. Astrally it seemed like I stood up, loudly calling out his enn, my arms outstretched. It seemed like I didn’t have much control over this image: it just happened, but I went with it.

There was suddenly a presence all around me. My clairvoyance is vague and foggy at the best of times but I thought I saw a humanoid shape in some sort of robe or something. Was hard to tell, and there was a lot of darkness.

I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it, so I asked for him to show me if he was present. Suddenly I heard two quick sparking noises, is the best way I can explain it. May have been something with my incense but still not sure. But it was so loud it jolted me.

So I quickly gave him the offering and ended the ritual, as my concentration was broken.

Felt pretty loopy for a while thereafter. Interested to try going there again.

My issue is that if I’m speaking out loud, it’s hard to relax enough to get to that place. I’m going to practice again tonight.

[Melektoth]

It’s so hard to believe how true all this is. I have a strong skeptical side, which has been hard to overcome.

But since I started evoking Clauneck, random money has just been showing up, in addition to my specific goals starting to show progress.

Saturday I won $120 at the casino. Sunday my wife got some random extra money from a side-job, which we split between the two of us. Also Sunday a client paid me for my side business. Then today I found random extra money in a bank account I rarely use.

I’m suitably impressed and surprised at how all of this works.

[Melektoth]

The other day my wife (who if you remember I said is Catholic), decided to join in on my invocation to Lucifer.

OK she’s been warming up to this stuff a bit, but it’s still very odd for her because of all of the conditioning. She used to be a pretty serious Catholic, before I met her

But she’s also sensitive to energy and admitted that Lucifer seemed very different than she imagined. So it was a positive experience.

I’ve been realizing how perfect this path is for me. When I first joined the forum, my first question was about tools and how to adapt all of this for a blind person.

I’m used to RHP ceremonial magick where you need all of these fancy tools and ingredients to do anything. I always failed on that path because I just didn’t have the first idea how to proceed.

But here, tools don’t have a super high priority from what I’ve seen so far. I’d like to find some in time, but I don’t feel hampered without them.

I did order a universal circle from E.A.'s store to help with my evocations a bit, and I do plan on getting some candles and different types of incense, but that’s about it for now.

Oh and I recently got a Thoth Tarot deck.

OK you may be wondering what a blind person can possibly do with Tarot?

I’ve actually been reading Tarot on-and-off for around 10 years. I love the Thoth deck because even without knowing what the pictures are, they have so many associations like element, sign, planet, sephirah, etc. So it’s pretty easy to figure out what the card means, in combination with the keyword of the card as well which I’ve memorized over time.

I used to braille the cards, just putting the number and suit for the minor arcana, or the roman numeral for the majors. But the problem with braille is that it makes the cards about twice as thick, so they become very cumbersome to work with.

For a while I switched to virtual cards. I wrote a little program that took random numbers from random.org, and shuffled a virtual deck. Not perfect but it worked surprisingly well for me.

But I’ve been wanting the physical experience of holding and shuffling the cards. So I ordered another deck.

This time I realized to my delight that I didn’t have to braille them at all. I have an app on my phone that if I hold the phone’s camera over some text, it’ll read it to me. So I realized I could just hold the card up to the camera, and the phone would tell me which card it was.

It takes a few seconds, or a bit longer sometimes if the app is being stubborn, but it works and it’s a lot easier than dealing with a super thick deck.

So I’m back into Tarot, and that’s pretty much my only physical tool at this point.

[Melektoth]

Yesterday in my consultation with E.A., I asked him my questions about candles and whether they are really important, and whether the specific color is important.

He basically told me that the candle itself is important because the fire is a sort of magickal gateway. He said to experiment with the colors, because though magickal theory states that the color does influence the environment, it may not actually be true, and that if I couldn’t intuitively tell the difference then there was no point.

So today I wanted to do two different spells using candles, one for healing and one for abundance. So I got out a green and blue candle. If you’re wondering how I know the difference, my wife has some vision and she gets them out for me.

Anyway I lit the candles and started my spells.

I posted elsewhere that I’ve allowed Lucifer to possess me until Monday. So I wanted him to take as much control as he wanted and show me how to improve my magick.

He gave me a really wonderful idea during the spells. I was doing the first, with the green candle. Usually it’s very abstract because I can’t see at all, so at best I feel a bit of warmth and thats about it.

But in the middle of it he had me reach out my arm and just touch the base of the candle.

That tactile addition added a whole new element to the working. I now not only felt warmth, but I felt the energy of the candle. In my mind’s eye I could see the green of the candle and imagined it as green energy flowing into me.

It just made the whole experience far more real for me.

I repeated the same with the blue candle and the same thing happened. I definitely felt the difference between the two. The energy of the blue candle was softer and more soothing.

I’ve never liked candle magick for obvious reasons. But now I’ve really been able to connect with the whole experience so I think I will be doing a lot more of it.

[Bigfatfoot]

Wow, reading all this stuff that you are doing is amazing and inspiring.
Just be careful with the candle. Put the candles on a cheap tin or aluminum plate so that it can collect the wax and not make a mess. I had my pillar candle spill all over my altar table and onto the tiled floor. It was very difficult to clean up. When the wax dries up on the plate. It can be removed as a whole piece of wax. It is easier to dispose of that way.