The Grubby Grimoire

Dear Uncle Al,

‘I’ve been reading these boards for a few days and I decided to evoke Satan, but nothing happened…I bought a deck of Old Mother Hubbard’s Porpoise Taro cards, so can I just use the little booklet that came with the cards?..I need money so I did a spell but nothing happened…’

That’s right! Bummer! I should get a book published, The Grubby Grimoire of Shit-Stopper Magick.

Introduction: Distinctions between the right and left hand paths, with various techniques compared and contrasted.

Chapter 1: Banishing followed by evoking. I’d include material about how to destroy bad habits, protect yourself in the pedestrian world and suck the life out of people via banishing rituals. After successful learning banishing, evoking is the same, only the reverse and completely different. Both are fundamental, lifetime rituals.

Chapter 2: A Brief Discursus upon Magick Weapons: Manufacture, Consecration and Uses. I’d include The 4 Laws of the Sphinx. Also the importance of a ruled page Magickal Journal and the notes you should keep.

Chapter 3: How to gather energies by adopting the runic body posture of Elhaz, how this energy builds near your solar plexus and how these energies can be directed by always keeping your arms straight and allowing the energies to escape through your palms. I’d also discuss negative energies collected barefoot on the earth through the feet.

Chapter 4: Divination. I’d strongly suggest the I Ching for mundane issues and the Taro for greater matters. I’d talk about the relationships of Atu 1 to 7, 8 to 14 and 15 to 21 and a few other matters. (If you think that the Taro is just about divination then go penetrate yourself!)

Chapter 5: Sigils: the basic principles, plus chanting with beads, maybe incense.

Chapter 6: Using a Ouija Board with Consecrated Seal and Pendulum. This would be a short chapter as it’s pretty straightforward. I’d add a few true to life bad outcomes via the board as well, but who reads or believes those.

Chapter 7: Magick: Various Schools and philosophies, the usual suspects and their theorems, from a working lhp perspective. The importance of raw emotion, unthinking delivery and repetition. Shorthand, sleight of mind techniques and stuff you can do whilst standing on queues or at the supermarket.

Chapter 8: The importance of Mind Fuck, The Lesser Headless Ritual and possibilities thereof.

Chapter 9: Spiritual entities: Evocation-v-Invocation, promises, pacts, bodily juices. Naamah and King Paimon would get particular mention.

Appendices and Afterword: Selected essays and notes on the mysteries of Nicotine & Caffeine Magick plus western tradition, Caviar & Champagne Magick (or how to achieve self-divinity in the bathroom) together with deep apologies, delightful digressions, shocking filth and with random notes of the blind, dark cul-de-sac type.



I’d totally buy it! :v:

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Do it

I second the motion.

This is interesting, I’ve been considering starting something similar but different… I’ll have to do some divs on the subject.

A Down and Dirty Grimoire. I love this idea. I’d buy it on Kindle Amazon. Unless you’re going the E.A. route with the “exclusive, hard-bound copies signed by the author and blessed by the Infernal Empire”.

Either way, sounds like a good idea.


I would read it.


I would really like to hear more about this, especially.

And this.

And this.

Banishing and evoking are the two foundational rituals of Magick. All other rituals are based firmly upon these two. This is why they are so, so important. Sure, it won’t take long to remember the wording and movements of either ritual, the hard work is in the repetition - thereby learning effective delivery. But once you know that you can banish and evoke, the skills you’ve learnt are priceless!

Banishing both clears the atmosphere and self-programmes the Magician. Banishing rituals can also be used to banish the joys, health, vitality and life out of people. One short banishing pentagram (or whatever) ritual gesture and all that deadening energy you know how to bring into reality has a target.

A proper banishing delivered before you leave home – everyday – will build up a protective forcefield around you. (My problem was that I used to shower beforehand and then sweat like a pig during and after morning ritual work and have to go to an office. For me Magick and sweat are inter-linked.)

Bad habits. There’s lots of them. A banishing ritual – like the name suggests – can be used to banish bad habits. See your bad habit in your mind’s eye and at each cardinal point trace the pentagram, etc., between you and in front of it and banish. See the pictured bad habit go flying to the four ends of the multiverse - ‘Little Fucker!’

At the end of the day, Magick – at least my Magick - is about harnessing and directing energies. And learning to banish, then evoke/invoke takes time - otherwise everyone could do it.



I think that there’s material about Elhaz and Head Zapping posted.


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I’ve said before, head zapping or mind fuck is important, particularly for adherents of the lhp. Changing the way you see and appreciate things will alienate you from the herd.

Cui bono? Always ask yourself this question. Always.

When a horrible story comes on the television, so vile that these turn your guts – Laugh! - even if at first you have to force yourself. With application this little gem of an exercise will fuck you over real fast. Pretty soon you’ll be naturally laughing at the horror and at that point you’ll be alienated. There are other benefits, but you let me know.

The Lesser Headless Ritual works, but you have to learn it by heart and deliver it with emotion. This takes time. Too bad! So sad!

And make an oath to Yourself – the Self you are seeking to become - to keep notes in your Magickal Journal.


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Where can I pre-order it? Leave a link below

Exploring the various extremes to discover the true self - the true will. This is nothing new.