The Garden of Thorns and Letters of Obscura

For someone who absolutely adores the majik of words, (most notably the way in which words alter perception and thus are the real architects of reality), in any language or form, I find this, an open journal, intriguing and yet, quite daunting to say the least. I have always been socially awkward, preferring the clutter of my own mind to the oft gregarious nature of the socially civilised. I am indeed a very private person and this is reflected in my solitary approach to Majik.

I understand that by putting my thoughts and desires down in any form I may indeed be waking the dead…within myself…curiously, readying my Self for sacred consumption. I have often wondered if every part of ME is indeed …ME or, if what is conjured every day is just the tragic shade of an Other desperately trying to hold onto ever more distant and fragile memories of itself. I have often suspected that I may indeed have a twin, a nameless, invisible Other who, just like me, struggles with trying to exorcise the Other Self. Perhaps it should be here then where I banish my Self and my Other or perhaps, I shall come here to seek forgiveness for the unspoken transgressions my Other has inflicted upon my Self through the years and I upon Her.

Nevertheless, I expect that this endeavor will be nothing short of absolute tragedy. I can almost see the headstone now with it’s lichen encrusted epitaph reading: HERE LIES SOPHIA, DEAD BY HER OWN WORDS!

This journal will be a collected mix of things lost and found. Things important to Me and my Other as We make Our way toward either Madness or Immortality, as I doubt there is a middle path for either of us in this drama of sublime grotesqueries. A journal then of Other minds, Other selves.


Black Mirror Ritual Invocation/Evocation of Lilith

I have, in the past, always used water as my preferred method for scrying. Consecrated water in a black or darkened bowl or other similar vessel works particularly well for me and at times I have had visions manifest outside of the bowl. Most of my ritual work is performed in a chamber dedicated to only ritual. This room is small but it does have the advantage of a ‘secret’ ante room. Essentially, at the rear of the room is a 4 door wardrobe that spans the width of the room…half of the wardrobe (2 doors) is actual packing space and the other half (2 doors) leads into an ante room with a wash basin and shower. Perfect for those times one needs a ritual bathe. Again, you couldn’t swing a cat in this space but it serves it’s purpose well.

My method for water scrying is quite simple really. INTENTION!!! INTENTION at the forefront of both Conscious and Superconscious mind. What will naturally follow is PERCEPTION and on it’s heels REALITY. Perception is Reality! If you believe that you are a mouse, then you will be as a mouse. If you truly believe that you are a God…well then!

I place an old wooden chair ( full of energy) that I keep for this ritual in the direction EAST (Lilith-Air). On a wood chest/trunk (old and gifted to me) I place the Blackened Bowl made of glass (my mother’s, which I’ve treasured all my life), fashioned and stained to represent blood…filled with consecrated water. The chest/trunk is placed in front of and close to the chair I will be using. On either side of the Blackened Bowl are candles, on the Right a Black candle representing the Black Temple or Death Majik and on the Left a Red candle representing the Red Temple or Blood Majik. Both Temples are important to Lilith. Also on the chest/trunk is a sigil for Lilith. Beneath the chair is a heavy Fire Bowl fashioned from Green Marble (again, old and gifted) which I use to Burn powders, herbs, roots, woods, oils and such. I use a different Fire Bowl in rituals where offerings of flesh are called for, a Carne bowl. For this ritual I will use Frankincense and Myrrh, roughly crushed and mixed with Marijuana and Blood. A really good, cheaper but nontheless fantastic substitute for Mary_Joanna would be Bay leaves. Local farmers market or your local grocer. They work well as a Psychoactive. THEY BURN RAPIDLY! I use a generous amount of them when I do use them, this gets the Smoke nice and thick just the way I like it.
DISCLAIMER: I am, in no way, shape, form or other advocating that any Other should do what I do! This method is my own and it works for me.

I turn out the room light and light both candles on either side of the Blackened bowl. Tone/Chanting/Music can induce trance as well and I use sound in much of my work. I proceed to light the mixture in the Marble Fire bowl beneath the chair. I am naked. I have a dark, thick blanket that looks and feels remarkably like wolf’s coat…usually it is on my bed (moving it from an area of sleep state/astral to ritual area imprints emotional energy to it) however, in this ritual setting it is wrapped partially around myself and the chair. It is trapping the heavy smoke now rising from beneath the chair, channeling it up and over my body as it permeates my skin, upwards towards my head where I breath it in. Sitting in the chair I will lean slightly forward at the waist, positioning myself in the chair in such a manner that I can see into the bowl clearly but that I DO NOT see my own reflection.

A low, deep chant will begin now as I call Her forth. My favoured method for this type of ritual is to write the Invocation/Evocation chant myself. I use everything I know about Lilith and use that as my focus when writing. This method has never failed me and I use it for almost every other working. Nothing is as powerful as that which we ourselves create! Imprinting Will/Intention on the Superconscious mind alters Perception and thus Reality. All focus and intent is on the words…on the mirror…on the ritual…on Her but never on the outcome. The Black Water is a Gateway!

I am not one who lectures people on the dangers of certain rituals or any other thing that is associated with what we do but, I will say this…If you are new to this or have no experience with Majik in any way, shape or form, then please do not attempt this ritual as it can be dangerous and the long term consequences of not being prepared far outweigh any thrill/high that you may experience in the moment. I would suggest that you take the time to learn the basics of Majik first and then progress from there. Understanding the workings of Protection and Banishment is really where you should be starting and BALG is a great resource which has been placed at your disposal to do just that. It always amazes me at how little thought people actually give to that statement. That you have an amazing resource of Majik at your fingertips, one that is filled with the ideas, dreams, passions and artistic imprints…the knowledge and experiences of so many, just a short read away. Take the time to learn…learn about YOU! Knowing yourself is the first step!

I will be performing the same ritual over the weekend however, I will be using a Black Mirror of my own making and not The Blackened Bowl. A mirror is essentially just water fixed in place. There will also be some differences in the ritual this weekend. For the first time I will be making use of my own version of a Psychomantium type chamber which I have built myself from a rescued old metal frame. It is just large enough for me to squeeze into. I will be positioned inside the chamber with a Black Mirror, the Marble Fire Bowl and possibly an Oracular head which forms part of my Death Majik working. Not sure as yet about light as I do want a tiny point of light for slight illumination of the mirror although, it would be exceedingly daft of me to forget that I am going to be inside of a rather cramped box which I know is in no way ‘fireproof’ and if a candle does tip over and I go up in the blaze as a burnt offering…I’m almost positive someone will remark how that is ‘proof(of)fire’. I am going over the finer details even now as I type this and I expect that changes will be made.

I need a cigarette! Why did I ever quit smoking?
I may indeed record part of the ritual for you to see.

There is a Scry which can be performed with candle and a silvered mirror in a darkened room. Again, all other ritualistic nuances apply. Seated in front of mirror, hold lighted candle away from face, slightly below chin level as you gaze at your reflection in the mirror. You may notice that your features alter and then shift back. Science (Seance) calls this the Troxler Effect which is peripheral fading that takes place in the brain i.e. " An optical illusion…" Or so they would have Us believe! My problem with that lazy pseudoliarific explanation is when said ‘optical illusion’ starts talking to you or as is the case in many workings…reaches out to touch you! This is a Scry I would perform when I was much younger albeit without the mirror. It is a Fire Scry and believe me when I tell you that it can and will induce nightmares but also physical manifestations which will become a part of your life. The key to this is Banishment of Fear! Fear is good, when used as a tool but only if Your Fear is used and controlled by You.

I have written about this experience a younger me had. How I moved beyond the Fear and how the experience changed for me when I did.
However, I should point out that it was during just such a Fire Scry ritual that I believe an Other Self…My Other, attached itself to me. This Other has been very successful! Inwardly and Outwardly subtle but there are things, all the outwardly features of this deific mask seem ‘normal’…but there are things that hint at this almost imperceptible Other. I will discuss this and what I think it could mean, further as I go along.

Anyhow, I will keep making entries here as I feel it may be important for me to have a separate record of events. I am rather excited about something else that I have planned which involves a sensory deprivation box that I am busy building for a 3 day altered consciousness ritual burial. Shamanic Life/Death/Rebirth. I will be burying myself, YAY!

See you on the Other side!


Black Mirror Ritual Invocation/Evocation of Lilith 2

The Blackened Bowl

Preparing for tonight’s Ritual. Pre-set-up. Scry mirror will be suspended higher inside of Psychomantium. Images are taken from position on chair.


This may be a little haphazard. I’m exhausted! I woke in bed a little while ago. Disoriented and with a mild headache. Anna, a rare friend, stayed with me last night. She was afraid for me but I think I was more concerned about setting myself on fire in the small space. I’m so very happy that She stayed because I did black out and I don’t know what would have happened if she wasn’t here to help. It was most assuredly consciousness altering! The Psychomantium does work! Of this I am positive but, it needs tweaking…I will change the size to slightly larger I think. Overall, I am very happy with the results! Anna feels I was possessed by something. I don’t think I was possessed, rather, it feels like something that was already there came to the surface to show me itself, like it was saying “Here, Look!”. I will discuss the events and what unfolded as I go on with this journal. I will review video later, I may post it here but it depends on what is on it. Read what happened below:

2:47 a.m. Due to unforseen events the Black Mirror Ritual starts much later than anticipated. I squeeze myself into the Psychomantium, with the chair in place things are cramped and I only have head clearance when seated. The chair is positioned slightly off centre and to the left, this is to accommodate for a small camera stand on my right. The Fire Bowl has been lit beforehand and the smoke inside is thick, I anticipated for this and created a quick makeshift vent which works well. Even though it’s cold out and raining, inside it gets very warm…very!
I have some background sound playing inside the chamber. I start with meditation and move into a low, slow chant… focusing intent and power on every spoken word. All of which changes as the mask shifts. There are pulses of light behind my closed eyes. I can hear nothing from outside. Even though I’m naked I can feel sweat running down my face, neck, shoulders, back…everywhere. After a while there is a shift in the mask, a change in me, my voice, my emotional state, my psychological make-up. It is primal, therionic…animal, and not at all what I was expecting for this ritual! There are shadows in the mirror, shifting from the recognisable to veiled anthropomorphic. It feels like something is inside with me. I black out!


So, here we are again! I spent a long time last night reviewing the recording of the Mirror Scry Ritual. It’s sobering in many respects. I’m still thinking about uploading it here however, it will need to be edited because of nudity. I’m not sure how I feel about editing anything though, I know that I don’t have the skill to do it myself so I’ll see with Anna later if she can.

The real objective of the ritual was an Invocation of Lilith but I must be honest and say I did have an unspoken objective, one which I could not declare…even unto myself. This secret objective was to force something that I have always had suspicion of to reveal itself…Or rather, the objective was to invoke Lilith and ask her to remove the veil so that I could see. In this regard I would say it was a success!

As I have stated before, I believe that something ‘silently’ attached itself to me many years ago during a Fire Scry ritual. I have had suspicions for years, little things amiss here and there. What I find fascinating is how well it hides itself, how subtle it is and how it has even made me doubt my own intuition to the degree that I don’t trust my own thoughts and actions. I have to always be writing things down.

As a child and into young adulthood I was attached to some very strange things. I was very wild, almost feral In a way I suppose and people would always comment on my behaviour, which was very anti-social and this continues up to today. I connected very much with the animals my Grandmother would keep and would spend most of my time with them. This behaviour, this animal empathy if you like, has led me to believe that whatever it is that has been so brilliantly elusive, so far, is somehow connected to this…to my nature as a child. I choose to believe that this is something other than psychosis, that what I feel/sense is very real and that it is related to my childhood experiences.

I will continue to come here, to keep a separate record of events.


Today is a most difficult day…emotionally I’m all over the place. Left the house early, went foraging for things in the forest near my home, I consider myself blessed in this way…that I have a forested mountain on one side and the ocean on another. A childhood friend has passed, we spent many years together as children, many good memories of her life I will carry with me. I’ve cried too much already! Many would say that I am emotionally weak as a necromancer, that I need hardening but I do not fear death, I have always embraced it…openly so. I do not recoil from the brutality of life…neither am I seduced by the beautiful pleasures of death. My emotional empathy makes me stronger, makes me perfectly suited to the path I walk but this is only my opinion, some who love me say that I will expend myself, too much…too soon. That empathy will be my undoing!


Ok then, tried to upload part of the Black Mirror Ritual Invocation of Lilith earlier but it would seem that there’s something up with formatting(?). So I tried to upload part of a Fire Scry Ritual Invocation I performed earlier and again formatting issue. Anyhow, I decided to upload some screenshots (22 in sequence) of the Fire Bowl so that you can see some of what I was seeing. Keep in mind the 22 screenshots that I included are only about a 10 second sequence. Look at the behaviour of the Fire, this is happening throughout the entire video.











The ritual itself is quite intense and the video is something else.
If you see this…have a look at the stills and let me know if you see or sense anything.


So on Thursday I performed a Fire Scry Ritual Invocation of Lilith, which I filmed and I’m really glad that I did. In the majority of my workings you will see bone being used and this ritual was no different in that regard. Here Fire was the Gateway/Door and the Bone combined with Ritual Chant was the Key to unlock it.

I’ve already stated that Water is my preferred tool for scrying rituals however, when Fire is the tool the results are often very interesting. The 22 screenshots above are only about 10 seconds of a 30+ minute video. It is a frame by frame 10 second sequence. In this ritual I am seated on the floor of the Psychomanteum and a camera is positioned between myself and the Fire Bowl. About 10 minutes into the ritual (at this point I’m already in a semi altered state) I noticed that the Fire was behaving rather strangely. Also, for an unknown reason at the time, my attention was being drawn towards the upper right of the Psychomanteum, which would be the rear wall behind the Fire Bowl. More on that in a moment.

So the first thing I noticed when I played back the video was the Fire. There’s no doubt in my mind that something was going on there. The colours are just wild. With what I’m burning the Fire should be a yellow to orange flame not blue. The way the Fire leaps upwards and to the left then right at different times. It would suddenly disappear and then reappear elongated and turned back on itself. Or split in two with two very different colour flames…as can be seen in frame # 11. Again, it is not something that happens only once…It repeats itself again and again in different ways.

I was sitting in the kitchen Friday morning when I played the video for Anna, I was watching her face as the Fire started to dance and leap and change shape. And then she blurted out what I’ve been silently thinking since Thursday evening…"There’s something manipulating the fire???

That’s exactly what it looks like and we were not the only ones convinced of this. Joining us in the kitchen was Mika-el, a mutual friend of both Anna and myself. His initial response was…“It seems as though there is an unseen hand in the flame! It looks like fingers ‘pulling’ and ‘separating’ the flame.” It was also Mika-el who noticed several other anomalies in the video.

I need to point out something before I continue. As I’ve stated previously, the frames/screenshots above were taken from a video that I made on Thursday. What I didn’t mention was that a copy of this video was transferred to my cellular phone after which images were then taken and uploaded to BALG for this journal. I initially watched only the copy on my cellular on Thursday. Yesterday morning however, we 3 watched the original video on the camera and things are way more interesting on there.

For some unknown reason the camera version is much clearer than the cellular version, revealing far more than previously seen…More than is seen in the 22 frames above. It was Mika-el, who while studying the video, noticed the other anomalies. In the original video what can only be described as “glittering suspended particles” can be seen towards the rear of the Psychomanteum. They seem to be concentrated on the back wall and appear randomly throughout the video. Also, there is a lot of rather strange things taken form in the upper right hand corner of the Psychomanteum, exactly where my attention was being drawn towards during the ritual.

I’m going to attempt to capture still frames from the original and then I’ll upload those as they are much clearer.


At the beginning of the week I performed a Black Mirror Ritual Invocation of Lilith in the Psychomanteum. It was during this Ritual that I became aware of what I could only describe as something primal and therionic…I blacked out.

On Thursday I performed a Fire Scry Ritual Invocation of Lilith and during the ritual my attention was being drawn towards the upper right hand corner of the Psychomanteum. At the time I had no idea why.

Later upon reviewing the recording of the ritual, I and two friends noticed anomalies within the recording. Amongst other things was the obvious manipulation of the Fire by some unseen force and also a ‘glitter-like’ effect that is present on almost the entire recording.

But that was not all! While reviewing still images from the video late yesterday evening, I noticed something in the upper right hand corner of the Psychomanteum. It was precisely in this area that my attention was being drawn towards during Thursday’s Fire Scry Ritual. I replayed the video to that spot and then rewound it back a few seconds. I then went forward frame by frame looking at that spot.

In this particular segment there are 5 frames in what amounts to 1 second of video. In these 5 frames smoke is seen rising upwards towards the right side of the Psychomanteum and then midway in the rise the upper part of the smoke starts to change shape and morph into a face…A very ‘animal’ looking face.

I have taken all 5 frames and raised the exposure so that the smoke can be clearly seen. The face can be seen on the original frames as well but obviously in lower exposure. My point is that the face is there regardless! Also, I have now realised that there are other faces in several more frames. I will upload these as well…They look completely different to the ‘animal’ face.

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Here then are the 5 frames…The 1 second that I could have totally missed had I not paused the video during playback.


Notice the Fire as well! In the first frame the Fire is actually yellow. In the second frame the Fire splits in two, it’s also at this point that something starts to form right at the spot. In frame three the Fire has returned to a single flame, notice also the concentration of smoke in the exact area above. In frame four the Fire is elongated and is actually changing colour from yellow to blue, a face is also materialising above. In frame five the Fire is now Blue and the face can be clearly seen.

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To me that face seems very Feline, like a very large cat. If you trace the line of smoke to where it stops you can then make out a chin or jaw. Just above this is a large open mouth with what appears to be a visible long tooth (?) on the left of the open mouth. Go up and you’ll see a nose and up to the right a partial eye (face is turned towards the right so this makes sense) and then incredibly if you look to the left there is a full eye…with pupil and all and this looks very human. To the left of the right eye I can make out what appears to be the formation of an ear, albeit an ear that is covered in fur or hair.

I think I need to go through this video very carefully and analyse everything.

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I wish I had better filtering software.
I sensed something anthropomorphic at the time and I’m sure that is exactly what I’m looking at here. I suppose that is the reason that this particular image is affecting me so much.

The right side of it’s face. Can you see the eye now?

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It’s been a been a while… Went into the woods this morning, following the streams and I got lost in thought as often happens, and found myself at the foot of the mountain. I often gather supplies here. While gathering at the edge of a seasonally dry stream I felt a very strong presence of my Nanna. I called to her and there was a strange sound, not unlike the call of a bird, it was very close to me…so close that my first reaction was
to look up. It began to move around me in the thick growth and then suddenly it moved away down stream to where there is a rise of boulders on the opposite bank. At this point I froze and began to wander at all of it. “Nanna!?” I called uncertain now.The sound of “the bird” was now replaced by a loud knocking, like wood knocking against wood and I had a sense that I was being watched from inside the thick growth. Something there, something wild, intelligent…something that likes to play games. I moved further down the dry stream bed and it followed, it made sure that I heard it move…games you see, it wants to play!

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I remember the many happy hours spent in my Grandmother’s garden. Childhood memories, snatches of happiness i greedily long for. It was a wild place -seemingly untended, full of dark secrets and wonderfully horrible things. There was, within it’s all embracing walls, a patch that was reserved for the sweetly unspoken intimacy that permeates all dead things. A room within a room, a Garden of Thorns. Here is where she would bury her thoughts, her letters of Obscura. In time I would come to do the same. This journal is named for her, for her love, for her patience, for her strength and for her wild untended passions.