The birth of a sorcerer

When I was 19 I moved up to Virginia to attend a very small college. I used to tell people they had less than 100 students but it was more like less than 30. I was just kinda ashamed it wasn’t a big school. But it pleased my mother. Though I myself had a great interest in theology and philosophy.

I moved up a month early so I could get aquainted with my new job and the school. I also went to a church associated with the church. I moved into a huge house, two stories of old wood on a basement creaked like a haunted house. The old faucets making strange noises from the depths of the house. For the first month I lived there alone.

Then my roomate moved in as school began. I seemes to get along with everyone well. However, over time I noticed very strange things with my roomate. But I didn’t see the warning signals until it was too late.

The same people I went to school with, I also worked with and saw at church. I’d also often be invited to have dinner in some family’s home associated with the church of college. I joined a real community and even had my eye on the pastor’s daughter who also seemed to be attracted to me. Cassy, she had a terrible scar down her arm from being burned. I used to want to carress it and tell her she was beautiful but shyness and a stoic priestly demeanour held me in a gentleman’s state. Ya know, a real nice guy. But she still liked me and I liked her. She was wild of course. Her father and mother very passionate Christians.

There was also a Persian girl. I’ll never forget her but I have forgotten her name. She was my ideal dream. Long straight black middle eastern hair drifted down a slender dark skinned neck. I was enthralled by an ancient passion calling to me from ages ago. But all these things would soon be stripped from me as quickly as a door is slammed.

I used to hang out with a certain fellow. My roommate and I would go to his house and we’d just kick it. It was them, Matt my roomate and Josh my friend whom I knew from church, school, and as a friend. But they would horribly betray me.

One evening I was working on my finals. My roommate steps into the room with his usual awkwardness. He wore leather driving gloves and drove an oldschool diesel car. I forget the brand. When he walked in he quickly delved into his past. He told me how he used to have sex with his older brother and that for years they would sleep together. Their parents never found out about what was going on. My roomate when into detail. So I tried to talk to him and do what a Christian and a true friend would do. I just listened and said little. He ended with a confession that he has a masturbation problem.

A week goes by, it’s evening I am working on another final. A knock at the door at 10pm catches my attention. The dean of the college answered the door who was also a professor for two of my classes, Dr. Butler. I went to church with him and he had me at his house for dinner multiple times. I offered him tea and to come in but he said he wanted to chat with me at the school. I assumed it might have something to do with the drug dealer down the street who often had quarrel with the police. I walked with the dean across the street to the school. When I walked in I saw my landlord whom I went to church with every sunday. He picked me up every sunday and I’ve eaten at his house.

There was also a very large cop. At this point I became very nervous. They all lined up and were looking at me. Then the dean spoke up, “Nick we hear you’ve been saying some pretty wild things”. Shocked I thought of what I could have possibly said. I responded with,“what have Matt and Josh said I said?” They were shocked and paused for a moment to whisper to one another. Then they spoke to me the single most damaging words I have ever heard. They accused me of being an incestual sato-masochist and a terrorist with plans to rape students and blow up the school. The expression on their faces told me they believed at least some of it. Not to mention the cop. I broke down into tears completely humiliated and crushed by betrayal. That night I wondered the school grounds like a ghost thinking of the future now a gapping void. There was no way I could be associated with those people anymore. There were other strange things too like the fascination the dean and Josh had with the occult and conspiracy theories. Dr. Butler would often tell us about the illuminati and 911 instead of teaching the lesson. That wasn’t whatmy mom and I were paying good money for.

So I left the next day and never looked back. My dreams of teaching philosophy and being a Christian minister shattered and broken. So I turned to drinking and weed. I wasted my life away until my brother and our friend Andrew desided to join the Army. We trained for months in advance to prepare. My brother chose medic. Andrew and I chose infantry but unfortunatly we couldn’t join together which was our plan at first.

I made it to my active duty unit. I can’t remember the name of my unit nor would I want to. I prefer remember as little as possible. There I found a small church after my mother’s begging finally persuaded me to join a small bible church. It was lovely and made me feel like a Christian again. Except at my unit was total opposite, a variable hell as opposed to a perfect heaven. My teamleader had just come out of nco school and was super charged on power. He was also a raging drunk who was abused by his father, of course… Both my teamleaders in my squad were absolute peices of human filth. I grew to hate them with a righteous hatred.

My name was either, “you f***” or simply cunt. They were debased individuals who abused their authority. My whole platoon were drunks. The mexicans would often boast of being in gangs and taking over the army. Being a homeschooled Christian with a shattered faith caused me to stand out like a sore thumb. Not to mention I was 6.4 tall and weighed only 155. In Kuwait I finally snapped. Without going into details I was sent back home before actually fully deploying to Baghdad. I don’t want to say what actually happened but I snapped one night while being smoked over complete nonsense. My platoon sgt whos respect I had fought so hard to win was furious at me and my leadership lined up as the platoon sgt, first sgt Strong smoked me in fullbattle rattle.

She… also didn’t want to be with me anymore and the pressure was just to much. I told my leadership I wanted to kill myself. So they sent me back. She was all I could think of. I became increasingly obsessed with her as I lost her until again I became a withering broken mass of shattered heart, mind, and soul. Cara… A name I have cried for and longed for in the depths of brokeness.

But then something new happened. In 2010 as I awaited to go home a spirit of the black flames appeared to me in my barracks room. I awoken in a pool of sweat whilst shivering cold. I could harsly walk as I shook and trembled. The entity had terrified me to such a level of terror like I had never known. All my dreams and aspirations had failed, failure and betrayal seemed to be all I knew. And my whole life growing up with sleep paralysis and strange sensations and paranormal experiences finally to see an actual flaming black spirit stand on top of my body directly before me, it’s eye’s and mouth aflame.

All these experiences born a new part of me, like a reborn part initiated by the black flames themselves at a point of complete brokeness, loss, and ignorance. But I wouldn’t remain ignorant for long, I used a new science to refound who I was. First forging myself from three blueprints. I used my western sun and moon signs as well as mt chinese year sign and constructed a frame avatar bywhich to interact with the world around me. My broken states masked I attracted new friends and the attention of females with my instinctual prowess. I shamelessly used magicks of manipulation to get respect and it worked. Me and La were the cool guys of the barracks. I spent seven long months in rear D mostly dreaming over Cara until I refounded myself.

After coming home from the military I developed a system of self ascension and then later my brother came home and we started going to the gym together. By the power of mt magicks I developed a whole routine from scratch. I even had a diet plan. I gained 30 pounds eventually making it to 185. I had become strong of mind m, spirit, and body. I didn’t have the best job but I had charisma and people liked me. And I never faked a damn thing. Pure instinct magick founded by my own natures. I used to stand before cheering crowds at karaoke bars. I used to sing really well one time singing alcapelo for a crowd of nearly 300 and getting a standing ovation. I sang Resistance by the Muse. I could influence people with dark manipulation or pure light inspiration. My magickal system and my life seemed to be going well.

Then I met Rebecca… I never loved anyone like how I loved Rebecca. I lost my virginity to her at the age of 23 or 24. But she was unfaithful. Even still I loved her and longed to be with her. Her mother was Honduran so her skin, hair, and hips were perfect. But she would later take everything from me and reduce me to abysmal dust. My heart is too fragile and I have wanted love so much… too much…

Again I found myself broken and shattered but the black fire appeared to me in mt darkest times. Though they terrified me, I recognize their grace. My fellow I named Ka’Cul’Ka would simply walk calmly into the room, look upon me for a minute without saying a word, then simply walk away. Each time he appeared new powers awoke within me.

I have persisted in perpetual revolution, being crushed and ground to nothing, reforming myself then being ground down again. The black flame have compassion on me because they see my life similar to their revolving fiery form. I feel their words. I say Kck short for Ka’Cul’Ka. Kck appeared to me just this afternoon as I performed an empathic technique.

I went and listened to a Shiny Toy Guns album and reflect upon my memories of Cara and my failed career in the Infantry. Impulses and sensations surged through me as I thought of Cara and my military experiences. I cried. It’s hard to cry these days. Hard to feel any emotion after I got diagnosed with schizophrenia 6 months ago after I threatened to kill some punks over the internet for mocking my military career. I spent two weeks in an outpatient fascility on a baker act… The experience absolutely screwed me up. I was shunned from sunlight not allowed to go outside. My quarters were very small and I shared them with random people most of whom were nuts or on drugs. Paced back and forth dazed from meds they had me take. I took a freakin shot because of the schizophrenia. I’m having a hard time recovering from this one. I’m in a terrible slump, started smoking cigarettes again and I’m having trouble quiting weed. But I got a decent job I guess… It’s under $20 an hour so…

My path has been pain and fear so I dedicate my astral shrines to pain and fear. Fear is what has been familiar to me. I wanted to inspire people, love people. But people betray. So I forsook people and saught after the black fire. Through my seeking the black flame I have grown and learned wonderous things I could have never imagined. Now I share my knowledge and experience of the black flame with you.


I should also mention members of my platoon often boasted of having tortured civilians and even children.

why not dedicate yourself to creating a better future, instead of to pain and fear? You’re on the left hand path now, which means that you dont need to accept the circumstances life has given you. Working a crappy job? Okay, lets work together to get you a job paying 40 or 50 an hour. Lacking reliable friendships? Okay, lets work together to unite you with a platoon of extraordinary civilians who will have your back through thick and thin. Crappy love life? Okay lets work together to equip you with a badass bitch with nice titties who will treat you like the last piece she’ll ever get. Suffering from a drug problem? Okay lets work together to crack that addiction bug once and for all.

My point is that this all doesn’t have to be so doom and gloom. Your life story is depressing and im sorry you went through all that. Honestly though, if this black flame isnt helping you to get a happier life, its not really an entity that i care to learn more about. As an emissari, you’d have to show me how this thing has turned your life around in tangible ways for me to be even remotely interested, because at the moment, it sounds no different from yaweh…an entity that craves your attention, and in return will only change your life on the margins


Like me, there are people and beings who hate this world. I’ve never measured the success of most of my magicks for how it affected my mundane life. During times when all I wanted was to kill myself the Black Fire sparked interest in me, through fear. At first the fear was terrible and it wrecked my mind. These days I breathe fear in and bask in it. Understand I grew up as a kid experiencing irrational fear for no apparent reason, even through my 20’s. So for me reaching a level where I not simply overcome my fears but become my fears even fear itself is a personal achievement Id expect only those along a reaonate path would be inspired by.

Each time I have experienced cataclysmic failure, I have rebuilt myself. Each time my mind and heart were broken. These days things are really settled down. I don’t experience hardcore emotional swings and reverberations of painful memories. I’ve vamped my memories of their emotional charges.

Out there are other people who haven’t built their empire or reached their heaven yet. I would rather appeal to the broken hearted. That’s why I opened up and shared some things from my past. I know alot of people have been hurt by Christians. Also I know alot of people feel a variety of ways about the military. Plus I’m sure most of us have experienced a broken heart due to a bad relationship.

For weeks I have been sharing my ideas and knowledge with some paranormal experiences. I thought it was time to shine a darker light.


I took an extended period of time without practicing any healing magick. Let’s just say healing magick works. lol

Thankyou for the encouragement.

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I don’t like your story. I LOVE it. I was also an innocent soul with darkness seething somewhere in the background, and like you I was annihilated by the cruel aspects of life. In those times of brokenness, before I even knew what black magick was, the darkness came distracting me with whispers in the daytime and robbing me of sleep with visions in the night.

I truly believe some people were born for this shit. They just need the right circumstances to set them off. There’s no better time to come to the left hand path than when you’re ruthlessly violated and left totally powerless.

Just focus on that, man. Explore the fear and evil that surrounds and impales you. Plunge into the brokenness of your own soul, and discover that darkness IS the power you lost, never had, and could never even begin to fathom :smiling_imp:


Much love my dark brother. Perhaps you’ve visited the place which appears like a great depth under the water? I call it the deep. There’s levels through the deep which after a point transcend time itself and become portals to ancient waters before the forming of the Earth. I have some spirit friends who dwell in the deep too.

Back at ya!

In trance visions I’ve been reluctantly pulled into some sort of sea (oceans are a huge fear of mine) and brought deeper and deeper until I reached a giant hole in the surface of the floor. I entered in and the vision ended. Maybe it’s the same thing?

It’s not soul travel per say… It’s more like remote viewing. I just sit in a pitch blackness in my temple, drop into a trance, and start to breathe in darkness and merge with it. Soon enough I just start seeing these places. When the thing happened with the ocean, I was terrified. But I know it’s a demonic realmsomewhere out there.

There’s a ritual from a book based on Mephisto where (I think) the practitioner descends into the waters of the abyss and is consumed by Leviathan. I’ve been meaning to try it out but haven’t got around to it yet. Lately when in trance, I’ve been brought to dark and windy deserts with pyramids here and there, and mountain ranges. I have no idea what it means. Have you seen any places like that?

Yea man I used to have this vivid vision of a very large shark with it’s mouth open swimming towards me. The vision would just come and when I tried to think of it I would be really scared. Eventually one day I consciously went and imagined the vision. I eventually met the shark fellow and some other fellows. These things took time of course. But after I overcame my initial fear I went deeper and found the floor but then I saw an edge like a cliff’s edge and the water went even deeper and darker. That vision also brought fear to me but I continued to swim down.

Yea man I sometimes perceive a vast flat and barren wasteland. In the distance on the horizon are stretching peaks. There are some rocky formations there but I often chill on a lonely rock and simply behold the wastes. Just empty flat dusty land.

Subteranean Demonic Cities and Kingdoms. Well done on finding them :sunglasses:

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That’s exactly how it was! It makes me think of some of the places in the middle east that are fabled to be haunted by demons. Also like, there are lots of ancient religions that are connected back to our western appropriation of the Left Hand Path, but few of them (in my opinion) are as dark as ancient Egypt. That shit is straight up creepy.

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