I have been in many situations where killing with magick would have been necessary but I cannot just do it. After vamping my enemy to depletion I just want to stab the doll with my ritual knife but I just can’t make myself do it. I keep fearing my curse will backfire and end my life. This has often lead me into situations where I more than less allowed cruel people to abuse me. I want to find out why I’m that weak because I have no moral problems as vamping people itself can be seen as immoral. What can I do? Should I invoke entities to change my personality or remove fear? Or an entity that can be there to warn me if my curse will backfire if the person have a deflective shield for instance. I would like to hear if someone of you had similarly problems.
Shadow work I think would be a great place to start. Belial would be another great being I think to work with in regards to this. Svengali as well, Lilith Satan hmmm… there is also communing with your beast.
For me personally I see your beast as your shadow at its darkest. But I think to start just start communing with you shadow.
I had to get accustomed to seeing misfortune happen to people not my general disposition
What do you suggest with Belial?
Conversing with him and communing. Asking for assistance with having the spiritual and mental fortitude to destroy targets in the way you mentioned as well as healing and removing any blockages that are keeping you from obtaining holding and weilding that sort of power.
Shadow work with him with that intent I feel would help alot. As im writing this the thought of communing with him with in heavy saturnine planar atmosphere would help with shadow integration and becoming more destructive and relentless in general.
V.K. Has a patreon post on instantaneous execration that would be of use as well as Saturnian permutation chants also on his patreon that would help with evolving in the way you seek as well.
Does it require pact making?
You don’t need to make pacts for conversation. That’s why I recommend just vibing with him and your shadow.
Definitely don’t need a pact to commune with your own shadow.
What does that mean?
The higher the grade of curse you send when you have subconscious hang ups it will eat at you if not worse.
Even when you are one with the intent to obliterate an annoyance if you subconscious feel guilt it can come back. Even from what I noticed the reward you get from doing such a thing if your not ready for the energy rebound it will do more damage then good if your not prepped for it
I have read that the curse is created by destructive energy that can hang in the aura and be absorbed.
I don’t know. Those magicians I have heard about killing people did it with the use of evoked spirits.
Is there any ways to remove that part from the subconscious? I don’t know if I feel guilt because when it comes to people who have abused me I feel they deserve it.
I was thinking about something you said. There is a solar eclipse happening tomorrow. This would be a great time to make a pact with belial.
You don’t need to, but if your Godself thinks it’s a goo idea I would go for it. You could add in the terms of the contract learning to destroy people with magick and feeling absolutely no remorse.
It could be a pact purely for malevolent intent
Outside of that I really just recommend shadow work with going through your subconscious. We are all different so you have to find the method that works for you that gives you the best results.
One way is gazing at your reflection but the room is dark enough not to see your features. Doing a tarot reading asking your belial or your shadow how do you heal those hang ups. Listening to a shadow integration track. Saying shadow integration chants. Also learning how to invoke demonic blood lust with harming yourself. Lighting a black candle as an offering to your shadow and gazing at the flame.
There are a lot of things you could do to more forward. I feel the most basic and safe is just meditating with your shadow.
The thing is that I do know how to cast curse. I casted my first curse 15 years ago where I drawed the figure of the person on paper and stabbed it with a knife in my rage. I then overheard former coworkers talk about that the person crashed into an old lady and lost driver’s license and job. I’m pretty sure if I have the power of magick and made a doll today and stabbed it in ritual the person would be dead. You may ask why I then fear the curse will backfire? It may be a coincidence what happened to the person, so I’m not sure.
Why do you always find yourself surrounded by people who would waste your time and lead to destructive relationships that killing would come in to play?
I understand your emotions, in the mundane world I embodied an aura of seriousness and dangerous to not run into idiots and people who would waste my time, since I am no fool and don’t wish to play around no one like that comes around.
Now since my magic path I have continued this embodiedment so much that the forces that control development on this planet have made me run into a spirit to test me, I wanted to destroy and kill this spirit but had no ability to do so. Instead of revenge or killing, my choice is to evolve and venture on my path of godhood. Cause while that spirit is still waiting to reincarnate I could already be pushing my evolution to the limit and more.
I hated meeting this spirit as I know already, I hate meeting people who’s not interested in evolution, so I am only surrounded by those who are gods to continuously inspire and push me, this is a path that I have dreamed for so nothing such as revenge could ever get in my way.
Just a lil story for ya lol.
If you have time for this type of situation then you have time to evolve. There is the tree of life and death. The draconian path . Even filling becoming an astral mage. There is so much to do, you can become a god or king or a powerful mage once your time on earth is over…whoops I’m done almost a rant again lol
Because predators prey on the weak…
Your reason is justification enough. What’d he do? Abuse a family member? Physically hurt you? Shameless manipulator who turns your whole social life against you?
With all respect. I want to use my own power. If the curse do not backfire after I have stabbed the doll then I would great.
I feel guilt if I don’t do something to destroy those who have tried to destroy me whatever it have been physically, mentally or my reputation.
So like, what did he do?
It’s women who have abused me. They have bullied me and tried to destroy my reputation. I could never fight back because I knew they would go into victimhood to manipulate people to turn against me.
So why not go ahead and execute the final attack?