TMW your in laws are a constant and healthy reminder of why you dropped the “family” concept at some point in your life. 
4 Likes
Tmw burning palo Santo for the first time and all you can think of is an almond joy bar lol
Also interestingly enough, I had a fly on my pants in the car that would not leave me (clean pants, no lotion or anything I am aware of that would attract it). I picked it up and was trying to release it, blowing on it but it WOULD NOT fly away until I said “Hello Beelzebub, I recognize you are around. I look forward to working with you more when the time comes. Welcome.”
4 Likes
TMW having the doing-something-important-naked dream, and my dream self’s reaction isn’t fear, shame, or panic, but immolating everyone that was jeering, while making puns, continuing with what I was doing still buck ass naked. It’s nice to wake up laughing.
5 Likes
TMW Brie Larson now rumored to lead next Star Wars trilogy.
Remembering related meme, checking creation date…
14.05.2019: Just creating local meme by merging Captain Marvel shots and Star Wars line.
3 Likes
6 Likes
Tmw when altar is set up and day 6 of Azazel Invocation challenge is to go.
6th day in a row I am nuts. 
2 Likes
6 Likes
One of the great mysteries of life is, where do all the bobbypins go?
3 Likes
Most of the time they turn up again wherever someone complains about “Damn, how many of these things do you even have?”
3 Likes
I walked around the house saying Damn, how many of these things do you even have? It didn’t work, I guess this spell has to be performed by a male.
So now I have a paperclip in my hair.
4 Likes
Probably so, I am sure that my ex still finds my bobbypins and hairties on a regular basis, despite being apart for five years now. I bet they bring back fond memories. Yes.
2 Likes
*cackle
Imagine his new gf finding them. Good times.
3 Likes
I found one!
6 Likes
Tmw you cycle your energy to get rid of all the parasites and you wound up Contracting whooping cough out of nowhere.
Also, tmw you don’t feel the need to get Raphael involved just due to the simple fact that you’re going to use your own power to handle the sickness. That’s what you call stepping into your godhead.
Also, also, tmw you realize that if you’re not feeling better in two or three days, you’re taking your ass to the hospital.
1 Like
Tmw Im finally watching the demonic curse of Annabelle the doll on Buzzfeed unsolved YouTube channel
1 Like
TMW I am always entertained by the little jabs in children’s cartoons.
"A reunion is when a family gets together after a long time apart. If we did it every day it wouldn’t be a reunion…That’s called torture "
2 Likes
Tmw morning routine of a sorcerer since my neighbors’ are terrified of me:
-wake up
-make the bed
-push ups
-coffee and smoke with wife
-brush teeth and hair (usually with Sabaton blasting)
-write to do list
-mediate
-Start the tasks for the day/night
I am not a normal person at all. I got bored of building thrones out of spines and cups out skulls of sacrificed virgins to the dark lords.
5 Likes