You might like to look into shadow work. I’m this way inclined, and in working with Buer (who can help uncover the reasons behind intense emotions and desires) I discovered I was something called ‘Counter Dependent’. It’s usually a cptsd thing learned via childhood trauma, as it is in my case.
It’s basically a fear of being loved that creates a pull-push effect in intimate relationships - you do get heavily into it very fast, and then lose interest and push them away, then you want them back again because you feel safer, and so it goes.
My way of getting around it is to not do deep relationships at all. At first I was happy with no relationships - I energetically blocked myself and didn’t want any for ages. Recently that block got ruined and I’m back to my fave way of running my sex life, which is to keep a small circle of FWBs, everything stays light hearted and friendly, and it doesn’t trigger my cptsd.
Could I work on this? Belial wants me to, and I know he could help with that, he was the catalyst that caused the eventual break of my block, after all. But I made that block myself for good reason and I don’t want to face that fear, frankly. I like me the way I am.
So my advice is this: get to the bottom of why you’re like this, with a good therapist if needed, and then make your decision:
Can you make this work for you, or do you want to change it? - if so, be clear exactly why, and conformity shouldn’t be a reason.
I.e., don’t just think you want to change it because it’s not what society tells you is ‘normal’. I get a lot of projection from people who can’t understand why I like to relate the way I do, but in the end they’re not me and I have never been interested in amatonormativity where to them it’s the only way. You do you.
lol
