Tarot Journal - Purrzum

In this topic, I intend to record Tarot work that I perform. I may or may not reveal the specific questions on any given day, but I will endeavor to supply such details as would make the reading relevant.

Self Improvement Reading

  • 3 Card Spread
  • Rider Waite Deck

In this spread, I ask the following questions.

  • What must I let go of?
  • What must I work on now?
  • What must I watch out for?

What Must I let go of?

Impressions : Immediately my impression was that I must let go of past harsh judgements that I have made against myself, and that I have internalized from my youth. More than that, the symbolism of the dead walking the earth shows me that there are a lot of ghosts from the past that continue to haunt me. They delight in the attention, jubilant at the life I continue to give them.

Correspondendes : Archangel Gabriel. It’s right there on the card, without any need to cross reference. From Wikipedia : " Gabriel is described as the guardian angel of Israel, defending this people against the angels of the other nations." This rings true too. A defender against all the villains of times past, continuing to do his work long after his time has come and gone.

What Must I Work On Now?
6 of Cups

Impressions : Confusing at first glance. I wasn’t sure what to make of this. However, the card quickly said to be kinder to myself. Make peace with the ghosts of the past by making amends with the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Don’t dwell, and keep your actions simple yet meaningful.

Correspondences : According to demonsanddemonolatry.com, this card has correspondences with Duke Aim and Marquis Orias. Together, what can these two offer?

Duke Aim destroys castles and cities, and makes the conjurer witty. Thinking of metaphorical castles and cities, this could easily be a call to work on personal charm. Disarm people’s defences.

Marquis Orias offers the knowledge of the virtues of the stars, transforms man, grants Dignities, and gains favor of friend and foe alike. If this isn’t a kick in the pants to ramp up the workout regimen informed by proper bloodwork and medical advice then I don’t know what is.

What Must I Watch Out For?
7 of Cups

Impressions : Shit. Illusions. Delusions. Fake women, fake opportunities, false peace, false accomplishments, only a giant waste of time. Frustrating. I won’t lie, riches and bitches are indeed a motivating factor, but this is a hard reminder that discernment is important. After all, a lot of those ghosts of the past came from a lack of proper discernment.

Correspondences Again, according to demonsanddemonolatry.com, we have correspondences with Duke Vapula and Marquis Neberius. Together, what do these two indicate for challenges to come?

Duke Vapula makes men knowledgeable in crafts, and teaches philosophy. Perhaps some false gurus lay in wait, clouding the mind wit their artifices and their sand castles in the sky. As I write this, I rememeber this line from the song “The Philosopher” by the band Death : “You know so much about nothing at all.” Sharpen my own tools in this regard so as to be careful not to fall prey to others.

Marquis Neberius makes men cunning in the arts and sciences and restores lost dignities. If we take the approach that this corresponds to a challenge to be overcome then it would suggest that the dishonest philosopher might actually be a respected scientist. I’m unclear what else to infer from this, though.


Today’s Reflection

  • One Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck

In this spread, I ask : “What Lesson should I take from today?”

What lesson should I take from today
The Devil

I had a vague precognitive sense as I drew the card that this was my draw. I was at the very least unsurprised to see it. Much of my mundane work today has indeed been centered around a desire to restore lost pleasures of the flesh, whose absence cuts like a knife. However, as I wrote in my journal I sensed a voice speaking into my head, and I began to write its words in order to communicate. Here is my transcription of the paper journal entry. In italics are my conscious words, In bold, the words of the voice.

Tormented by desires of the flesh, what will you sacrifice to satiate those longings? Will you remain chained to your earthly desires? Do they serve you? Is gaining them worth the pain? Look at you, trying to divine your way into insight. What do you think these cards will reveal that you don’t already know? Who is writing this?


Do you want to kill a part of yourself?
Can you? Do you have the guts?

And what of you? Can you offer me what I actually want? I see no evidence that you can or that you would. Are you the me from years ago? The man I seek to recapture? Are you the man I AM?

… The voice had no response, and i had no further insights to write. I pointed at the card, and reminded it that it was, after all, just a card.

The voice wasn’t wrong. There is a part of myself holding me back and I feel immense hostility towards it. It does stand in the way of my happiness, both material and interpersonal. But this is almost certainly the part of myself that yesterday’s reading encouraged compassion on.

I shuffled the deck, and as I put the deck back in its case I saw the bottom of the stack. It was The Sun card. A sense of peace came over me.

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Today’s Reflection 04/29/2020

  • One Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck

In this spread, I ask : “What Lesson should I take from today?”

What lesson should I take from today

Temperance is card 16 which is interesting following after yesterday’s The Devil, at card 15. The cure for pains of addiction and abstinence both is a carefully disciplined and measured path.

Yet still, I am confused at this card and relating it to today’s activities is a bit puzzling. Let’s focus instead on the atmophere.

A night time reading over candlelight, with an explicitly sexual music selection. I am intentionally trying to channel sexual energy back into my life after a year and a half of feeling it drain away, sapped by life event after life event. Is this caution not to overdo it? Is this encouragement to keep fucking pouring on the gas? After all, in order to attain balance you do have to pour from the full cup into the empty cup.

All in all, seeing the angel of transmutation is encouraging even if enigmatic.

As I put away the cards, I saw the bottom of the deck. It was the Page of Wands, calling out to me. Imparting fire and inspiration. While it is important not to go overboard in transmutation, I believe the Page is telling me to keep the fire alive and not to stop pouring, even if Temperance might be a warning to watch out for a tipping point.

Today’s Reflection 04/30/2020

  • One Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck

In this spread, I ask : “What Lesson should I take from today?”

What lesson should I take from today?

So many Major arcana in this week’s readings! Strength is the 8th card, which is half of 16. Yesterday’s card, Temperance, is the 16th. Half of Temperence is Strength? Then what is the other half?

Who am I in this card? I conclude that I must be the infinite woman. Today there was a heavy focus on my thoughts around communities, around friendships, and around socializing and meeting new ones of both. I tend to think of socializing in the year 2020, and particularly doing so over social media (Facebook, Twitter, et al) to be just as dangerous as the lion in the card. Yet, as much as I embody the Hermit in my daily life, I feel this cannot go on forever.

I used to have communities. I used to socialize. But times are different and the rules of engagement have become utterly alien. Strength will be required. Strength of heart, but also strength of compassion and strength of resolve. Work on that soft power, that the self improvement reading referenced by way of Duke Aim. Even though he has more of a Chariot energy, his valor would be indispensable.

As I shuffled the cards and put them away, I saw the card at the bottom of the deck. It was the 10 of Wands. Be prepared for a long and at times burdensome struggle, but the reward is the cohesion and the holding together of a group of inspired and inspiring energies.

Today’s Reflection 05/01/2020

  • One Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck

In this spread, I ask : “What Lesson should I take from today?”

What lesson should I take from today?
6 of Cups

Impressions : Again? So soon after the 3 card reading? My reference point is the question “What should I be working on now?”, and so I must ask myself how today’s actions measure up to that energy.

Changes are being made
I received personal news today that spurred me into direct action. I took direct stock of the food in my house, and also the products I use. With harsh and brusque resolve, I set out to replace many items with new ones, but is that sustainable? Instead, take these good changes and learn to think of them in a different way.

Instead of thinking of these changes as a punishment or as something to be done in anger, think of them as the current self handing a present to future self. Think of these changes as a gift, given to someone who cannot possibly repay you, but whose gratitude will be felt in time.

In the light of the night time candles, the yellows of the card fill me with peace.

Correspondences : Just as before, the correspondences are Duke Aim and Marquis Orias. In order to help with the transmutation of man that is the specialty of Marquis Orias, do not forget the inner transmutations of Duke Aim.

As I put away the cards, I saw the card on the bottom of the deck. Ace of Wands. The wellspring of firey potential. Sieze it, and channel it. You cannot go wrong.

Quite an interesting read. Ive been considering doing a reading journal myself, except i do my readings with regular playing cards. I hope to eventually be able to get a tarot deck too

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How do you map your standard playing cards to the tarot deck? At first I thought it would be easy in that you just don’t have the Major arcana, but there actually are fewer royalty in a standard deck per suit (Jack, Queen, King) than there are named cards in Tarot (Page, Knight, Queen, King)

Is there a particular deck you’d really like? I only own Rider Waite, but have used Wild Wood before.

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Usually with the suits the way it goes is that hearts equals to cups, clubs equals to wands, spades equals to swords, and the suit of diamonds equals to pentacles. When it comes to the Joker, sometimes people leave it out, others equate it to The Fool. For me i keep both jokers in the deck, and symbolizes innocence, foolishness and risk taking. I tend to keep my interpretations nearly the same as to tarot but sometimes people change it a little bit, like seeing the Jack of Spades as The Devil or 2 of hearts as The Lovers.

Ive had to use playing cards since they are easier to come by (and when i was a bit younger it would have been less suspicious looking lol) so personally i guess since ive never used tarot ive grown used to how it is with playing cards. As for tarot decks id love to have Rider Waite and/or find something egyptian oriented. The wild wood tarot has very beautiful cards to it too

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Last night, my dreams contained several gentle figures offering support and love, and reminders of the path to walk.

This is one reason I have stuck so strongly to Rider Waite, despite having the opportunity to buy several others. After 15 years, I know this deck and it knows me. Would I actually have that same connection with, for example, Thoth?

When you do obtain a Rider Waite, let me know how it works for you.

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With more days to reflect, another thing to note about this card is The Devil’s hand positions.

As above, so below.
As below, so above.

Torturing and tormenting one’s self into improvement in the physical leaves wounds in the spiritual that cripple one’s progress. Torturing one’s self in the spiritual leaves no energy to make changes in the physical.

Meanwhile, acceptance without critical examination has a way of leading to complacency. Even if a critical component of improvement is to believe you are a person worth improving, pretending that you are already there either in the spiritual or in they physical can put all improvement in the other to a complete standstill.

Before I proceed with this evening’s entry, a correction : Temperance is 14. The mathematical correspondence with Strength is not there, but I don’t think that was really the thrust of the Strength reading on the following day.

Today’s Reflection 05/02/2020

  • One Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck
  • Candlelight
  • Sexual soundtrack
  • Cedarwood incense (Original post was mistaken, I’d originally thought I’d selected Sandalwood)

In this spread, I ask : “What Lesson should I take from today?”

What lesson should I take from today?
4 of Cups

Impressions : Sitri . I immediately recalled this card’s correspondence with Prince Sitri. I had to double check whether Prince Sitri was particularly fond of Sandalwood, but I did not find any indication of this. (Note : I was mistaken when I wrote this originally… it actually was Cedarwood incense, and Prince Sitri does correspond with cedarwood)

Why did Prince Sitri jump so quickly to mind? It is because of a dream I had last night, which has been on my mind all day. In it, a young and beautiful woman was working in an almost abandoned store. She was so thrilled that I was there at last. She’d almost given up hope that anyone would ever come, and that she couldn’t wait to show me everything I had been looking for. I took her hand, and we ran towards a bed in the center of the store. After having sex, she took great joy in pointing out everything that was amazing about me. We stood in front of a mirror, and as she pointed out the things that were amazing, I could actually see them. She pointed out things I was doing to hide my brilliance, and as soon as I stopped doing them, the brilliance shone through. It has actually improved my mood and my efforts for the entire day. To see a correspondence with Prince Sitri after that was striking.

But was there a deeper meaning? The imagery of the card was an enigma in other respects. However, if anything it feels like a warning not to take my gifts and my joy in life for granted. It also serves as a reminder that early gains can lead to complacence, and that you might never make it to your goal if you take your eye off the ball.

Correspondences : As mentioned above, 4 of Cups corresponds with Prince Sitri, but also with President Haagenti.

Prince Sitri : Enflame love between men and women, and cause women to be luxuriously naked before the conjurer. Knows the secrets of women and taunts them.

President Haagenti : Makes men wise, but also is able to transmute metals into gold, transmute wine into water, and transmute water into wine.

President Haagenti is an interesting one in this scenario. The woman in my dream performed a sort of alchemy on me. Quoting from earlier…

She pointed out things I was doing to hide my brilliance, and as soon as I stopped doing them, the brilliance shone through.

Like from lead into gold.

But be aware that transmutation leaves you with nothing more than you started. It requires sacrifice of something that you will not have after it is done.

As I put the cards away, I saw the card at the bottom of the deck.

It was The High Priestess.

She was here.
And is here now, I’m sure of it.

Today’s Reflections 05/03/2020

  • 3 Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck
  • Sandalwood Incense (Tried Clove too, but the match broke!)
  • Candlelight
  • “Deep Trance Music for Healing and Dark Meditation” Music from YouTube

Questions about community

Eventually, all this self improvement will have to be put to use in the world. But what is the best way to make this a reality? Here are the questions and answers from the cards.

What do I need to Find?
Knight of Wands

Physical action that I’m passionate about. People who are moving and improving out in the physical world. Not an emotional support group, not a philosophy and debate club, and not businessmen and startup culture.

But this seems a little unintuitive. A large part of community is finding people who are there to support each other in time of need. Does a running group do this? A sports team? A martial arts club? Honestly, my experience with exactly this kind of organization was less than impressive and while I was there for them I do not feel it was reciprocal. Maybe there is something I’m missing here.

What do I have to offer?
8 of Pentacles

Yes, I’m an industrious and studious nerd who cranks out material goods in solitude. This isn’t news. It also isn’t very encouraging. It would indicate that I need to find a group of people who appreciate the craftsmanship and the art of what they do just as much as me… and this is sounding very much like that previous experience that I felt was not there for me. Is this telling me to try to go back to that well? To uncover whether there was something that I did to put up walls?

What must I avoid?

What an unusual answer to this question. I sense that I am the Lion in this context, and that the infinite woman is the soft power of group dynamics that seek to tame and mold the individual members of the group. Honestly, I feel like a caution towards this phenomenon is one of the reasons I already don’t seek out communities. There are a lot of social cults out there that want all kinds of things from you and over the past 7 years I’ve grown more and more wary of them.

Overall impressions

I can’t help but notice that none of these cards are looking at each other. For a reading about community, it seems fractious at first glance.


I only found a correspondence in the 8 of Pentacles. Two Goetic demons who both are reputed to have an affinity for Sandalwood incense.

Duke Zepar : A well known face around here. He appears as a red clad soldier, and causes men and women to fall in love, but for their relations to be barren. Why yes, I have taken many pains over the years to remain childless. That is indeed something I would be bringing forward to a group, but for how long?

Duke Alloces : With the face of a red lion, he speaks with a loud and hoarse voice. He teaches Astronomy and all the liberal sciences. Remember to be bold and to speak out, not to be quiet and simply part of the scenery. Inquire.

After I lit the Sandalwood, I wanted to also burn clove incense, but when I tried, the matchstick snapped in half when I tried to strike it. I took this as a sign, and did not include clove.

Also, I’ve never seen incense do this before. First stick out of this new package. Wonder if all of them will do this.

Today’s Reflections 05/04/2020

  • 1 Card Draw (With a clarifying question followup)
  • Rider Waite Deck
  • Cedarwood and Clove incense
  • Candlelight
  • Sexual soundtrack

Question about reconnecting with an old acquaintance

Reflecting on yesterday’s reading, I began to wonder if there might be a less obvious social group than the one I had initially thought about, and there very well may be. It’s one I was never terribly close to, but I did at one time have an acquaintance who I was fond of, but who I drifted apart from after I became mutually exclusive with my last long term relationship.

What should I reflect on when approaching this old acquaintance?

You get back what you put in, and no more. She takes what you take in equal measure. In some ways, the balance held in the hand of the judge reminds me of the 6 of Pentacles, in the sense that this woman has had both great fortune and incredibly terrible fortune almost in equal measures… albeit 6 years ago the balance was tipped to misfortune.

Does she still travel in the same social circles? If so, how have those changed in 6 years? What side of the scale do I tip there?

Bear in mind that you just kind of disappeared one day after slowly falling out of contact. Don’t be terribly surprised or upset if she is a different person, as you most certainly are as well.

Clarification : If I am to approach this person again, what will best aid in a mutually beneficial relationship?
7 of Wands

Dischord isn’t the thing that pops to mind when I think of a mutually beneficial relationship, although this might be an indication that she hangs out on a Discord channel and that I should expect a giant rambunctious chat channel full of dicks trying to poke at each other.

In another light, consider that if the two of you have become radically different people, prepare to defend your life and choices, and remain resolute in them.


7 of wands has correspondences with King Balam, who gives true answers to questions past, present, and future. He makes men witty, and relieves them of their shyness. A bit of a fitting description for a spirit associated with this particular card.

7 of wands also corresponds with Duke Eligos, a “Goodly knight” who discovers what is hidden, and who knows of things to come, particularly that of war and of troop engagements. Notably, he also causes love between Lords and others of high rank.

As I put the cards away, I noticed on the bottom of the deck, the 8 of Swords. Clever little trick there. A nod to a mutually shared interest in certain sexual inclinations.

Today’s Reflection 05/05/2020

  • One Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck
  • Sandalwood and Clove Incense
  • Candlelight
  • Music : Heilung’s Lifa, performed live.

What should I take from the events of today?
4 of Wands

Victory! In taking the steps I have taken today, I am refusing to simply give in to the temptation to stagnate and do nothing.

This is a moment to celebrate the small steps made, the motions will send you to your goals. You have done this in the vein of the 3 card reading.

I did my part to try to mend a moldering bridge.

My future selves, standing between the wands and under the garland, are cheering me on, and welcoming me into my better future.

Prince Vassago, and President Malphas have correspondences with the 4 of Wands.

In Prince Vassago, an aid at finding the connections lost. In Malphas, an aid in building a new “home.”

Today’s Reflection 05/06/2020

  • One Card Draw
  • Rider Waite Deck
  • Cedarwood Incense
  • Candlelight
  • Music “Deep Trance Music for Healing and Dark Meditation” from Youtube

What Do I Take From Today?
6 of Cups

Again?! That’s 3 times in 9 days I’ve seen this card. Today, the impression from the card feels very sinister. This no longer tells me about kindness to myself, no. In this context there is something totally wrong with this picture. Everything in me is screaming at that little girl DON’T ACCEPT THOSE FLOWERS!

The look on the man’s face fills me with unease.

Are these even his flowers to give?

Can’t she just take some for herself? They’re everywhere! Why accept them from this guy?

Why would this card feel like such a sickening warning tonight?


As mentioned before, Duke Aim and Marquis Orias. These castle walls that Duke Aim must destroy could well be my own, that I can sometimes retreat into a bit too quickly and easily, and to no gain. Marquis Orias urges me never to lose focus on what I’m trying to achieve in regards to my transformations.

As I put the deck away, and I saw the bottom card on the deck…
2 of Wands

Immediately the meaning of the 6 of Cups struck me with full force, and complete clarity

“The world is in your very hands if only you reach out and take it.”

Nobody just fucking hands you the world. Nothing is given at all, especially not personal power. Power is is not given, it is assumed. And if it is contested, then it is claimed. That is why the midget in the 6 of Cups was so sinister, and why my instinct was to scream at the girl not to accept his offer. Because he offered nothing in exchange for everything.

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I love how the cards have assigned meanings, using symbols that speak to us all collectively- and then the meanings that the reader’s own unique Self assigns to them.

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More and more, I’m finding that the Rider Waite deck lends itself to these dual meanings as compared to more minimalist designs, or more stylized designs, or more realistic designs. The meanings seem both blatant and also hidden, as though the artist weren’t even aware of them.

Wondering whether I should expand my deck selection, though. On the one hand, when I browse decks online I don’t feel instant recognition or connection in most cases, but on the other hand I’m not sure I would have felt the same about Rider Waite either, if I’d done so before buying it.

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I like having multiple decks because:

  1. When I ask spirits to communicate with me, there’s often an intuitive “pull” towards which deck they’d like me to use. I should note that I am very new to trying to work with spirits though.
  2. Decks have different personalities and suggestions; RW pisses me off a lot, but keeps it real. I have “softer” decks for more therapeutic situations.
  3. Depending on the work/context, different decks just make more sense. Sometimes nature-based decks, etc, make more sense then RW.
  4. When I read for other people and they are there in person, they can pick which they like. It adds to the experience.
  5. When I don’t wanna listen to RW I can pull from another deck :stuck_out_tongue:
  6. Decks with more emphasis on landscapes in the background can make really interesting visual terrain to interpret; which landcsapes/natural features connect with which, how the elements/weather/fauna/flora change, etc.

Card Meditation 05/06/2020

  • Rider Waite Deck
  • Candle Light
  • Sandalwood Incense
  • Silence

In this exercise, I stared into a candle for a half hour, then stared into a drawn card with an unfixed gaze. I attempted to keep an empty mind during the exercise. Here are my results.

Candle Meditation
During this phase, I initially was successful. However, I became drowsy and would nod off. As the minutes went on, my mind continually tried to trick me into believing it was time to draw the card, but the timer had not rung. I considered these moments to be interesting. Were they mere impatience? A test? The drowsiness itself ought to have been a failure of such a test without the added temptation to believe the candle meditation was over. However, I did successfully hold on until the alarm. I drew the card…

Card Meditation
Page of Swords

Staring with an unfocused gaze onto the barely illuminated card, I watched as the shapes and lines twisted and pulsed. As the colors bled, and the details oozed into new yet similar shapes. The angelic and demonic both had turns in the image, all while I had the sense that This poor lad doesn’t know what he’s in for, but he’ll find out all too soon.

The Page of Swords is so much like The Fool, isn’t he? Perhaps he isn’t completely careless, but he is still untested. Trained, yet naive to the dangers and challenges.

Youth is wasted on the young. If I had that youth again, but the wisdom of my years, I would be unstoppable.

Alchemy can indeed transmute youth into wealth, if you do it right.

As I placed the cards back into the deck, I saw the bottom card on the deck. It was the Ace of Cups. The fountain of youth. The holy spirit, delivering the communion bread. What to make of that?