So recently I’ve been doing some really heavy personal work with Lucifer that was forcing me to dissect and understand my flaws that keep me separated from what I want to achieve in life.
It was really tough and the emotional toll on myself was huge. No matter what I went through Lucifer was there however when he saw a problem that I wasn’t giving attention to he would act on it as he pleases.
For example in the morning when I would wake up I would lie in bed and just wait till I go back to sleep because I didn’t want to deal with the day. But just as I would be dozing off I would feel him lie on top of me and wrap his arms around me and squeeze me so that way I couldn’t fully breathe. It was fucking terrifying. I could feel his legs lined up against mine my shoulder blades against his chest, his head beside my head and his hands grabbing onto his arms pressing into my ribcage. Shortly after the only two times it occurred he apologized profusely for the discomfort he created
If I were doing something that did fit my growth I would feel painful head aches and like I was being dragged away.
Eventually I became so emotionally bogged down I had no energy to with in me anymore.and began getting lost in his. I started to lose my senses and felt like I was about to drown. Every simple task felt like I was moving mountains.
I ask AA Raphael for help with replenishing my energy to which he asked “do you need real help right now”?
To which I said “yes but who do I call”
Raphael: “let me take care of it”
I felt a new energy near me. I asked “who is this” and heard “Micheal”
Micheal asked me “what do you need help with”
I asked for distance between me and Lucifer. And he delivered. I felt like I could breath again but fuck was I drained. Shortly after I had to end contact with Lucifer. But now I feel like I’m missing a part of myself I instantly fell back on an old habit to which Ive acknowledged and separated from me. I keep feeling the need to call out with questions but there is no voice with replies. It’s like I went though a break up but thiers no voice to hear, face to see presence to feel.
I very recently awakened my clairaudience to the point I can hear in loud environments. But this new muscle was overworked with all this excitement of new communication and no breaks. Today is the first day after 3 straight days and night of working it and has left me feeling wild and messed up
My father (deceased) who Lucifer connected me with. Told me to call him, and followed with he will always be watching me.
I feel really displaced and confused over the whole ordeal. I want to work with him again but I want distance. But also love and connection at the same time. It so upsetting.
Does anybody have any advice.