Stuck in this constant spiral of fear

Spirits, Evocation & Possession
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Hi, folks. :blush:

I usually prefer to lurk, but I felt to post this…partly to vent/partly to ask for advice.

If you’ve read my posts, you know I come from a Christian background. I’m still untangling a lot of fears, and healing my self-worth.

I also have a close relationship with Belial. He was the first one to approach me, and he’s completely changed my life.

My problems circle back to those aforementioned fears and self-worth…

  1. I’m always scared everything is in my head. Although I’ve received soo many confirmations + synchronicities; although I can actually physically FEEL different spirits–sense their energies, voices, personalities…If my Christian walk was built largely on a farce…What if this is, too?

  2. I worry, particularly with Belial, that I’m either dealing with an imposter or adding my own fantasy to it.

(Now, that’s not very logical…because as I’ve also been healing+getting in touch with my intuition, it’s pretty easy to identify imposters and parasites.

They just feel…plastic, you know? There’s a definite distinction when it comes to that infernal energy. Especially Belial’s.

And everything I’ve read is 100% consistent with his character.)

  1. Just that feeling of general unworthiness. Why would any spirit–especially a king–bother with me? I’m not a magician. Heck, I was a Christian when he approached me! (Surprisingly!)

I could go on, but…I’ll stop there.

This stuff really gets lodged in my brain and gets me stuck in this downward spiral that really makes me feel down and heartbroken.

Maybe that’s partly Christian programming–that feeling of unworthiness.

Not being able to trust yourself. (“The heart is desperately wicked!”)

Feeling the need to protect yourself.from.everything.

Because you might be deceived!

And that could eternally damn you.

I don’t know.

What are your thoughts?

Have you dealt with similar fears; and if so, how did you beat them?

Thanks for listening, and allowing me to vent.

Peace. :black_heart::black_heart:

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Everything is all in your head. You just have no idea how big your head actually is (this is not only a truism, but is also the subtitle of a book by one of the most respected ceremonial magicians around, Lon Milo Duquette).

We all add our own fantasies to any spiritual interaction because everything is filtered through our own consciousness. This is why people can have wildly different experiences with the same spirit.

This is a Christian belief, fostered by the Church, that we have to bow and scrape before God in order to be worthy of entry to heaven. However, this actually contradicts their own holy book which states that we are all the children of God and as such, God is happy to give us whatever we need. It doesn’t say anything about us having to be worthy of it first.

As far as spirits go, it is important that you understand that they are not above you, or superior, in anyway. In the Christian paradigm, we are the lowliest of creatures, but the true reality is that we are shards of the Divine Source that they call God. It’s funny that preachers tell us that we are simultaneously made in God’s image while at the same time telling us how we must repent for how dirty and bad we are.

Spirits want to work with us for a variety of reasons, but one of the most common is that they see the potential for something greater within us.

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You are not a child of a false god. All of this was designed to program you to feel like worthless trash. The goal has been achieved.
Belial has a good heart, he also gave me his hand when I was a complete mess. It wasn’t Jesus, it was Belial who helped me.
It’s hard to believe, but some demons are like that. The fact that he is king doesn’t change anything. Love him and listen to him
you need a personal relationship. Belial loves love and sex. Everyone wants to be loved. Of course he is demanding, but just love him.

Rember one thing!
Belial is called the worthless one and the one who makes a slave the one who kills the master.
If you think you are worthless, he is the king of the worthless.

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DarkestKnight, thank you. That all makes sense. I’d never thought of it in that way.

By in my head, I mean…fake. You know?

It’s funny, he’s told me similar things. Every experience is shaped by your perceptions.

Religion told me that I was a dirty sinner and that Jesus loved me in spite of that.

The infernal treated me the exact opposite. They never asked for worship. Even though I thought they were high above me, they still treated me like an equal. I appreciate and respect them for that.

…And thank you, too, Matthew. I feel the same way about him.

I will.

Your last line…“If you think you are worthless, he is the king of the worthless.”

Really got me. :black_heart: Thank you!

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I know what you mean, but it is based on the faulty premise that imagination isn’t “real,” when in fact it is the only true reality. When you imagine something terrifying, your body will react as if it were actually happening externally. When you bring up a fond memory, you will experience all the emotions that memory invokes. In other words, imagination is just as real as anything else.

As stated by the demon Azazel in the Book of Azazel by EA Koetting: “You ask me if I am real? i am as real as the world around you, which isn’t very real at all.”

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I see your point. That’s difficult to wrap the mind around! But very fascinating and thought-provoking. Thank you.

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Belial once told me that there is no difference between the physical and the spiritual. They’re two sides to the same coin, and that coin is consciousness. It is consciousness aka imagination that creates all things. All is Mind.

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Darkest: Thank you for sharing. :slightly_smiling_face:

And I just wanted to say, I enjoy reading your posts. You seem to be a strong, grounded person. I respect that.

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Agree - I was brought up Catholic and guilt is virtually inbred in you - for everything, even being alive! I see it as a way for the Church to control people, by making them believe they need an intermediary - I.e the Church, to be able to commune with God. Or other spirits. And they’ve been controlling this narrative for hundreds of years…

Im still dealing with some simolar isssues to you @Lilium so I can sympathise. But it is possible to move beyond your past. I’ve made a lot of progress in myself the last few years. You can work with the spirits to help you release fears. All the best

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Thank you, my friend!

It both saddens and frustrates me to no end that soo many people are affected by this.

Feeling “guilty for being alive” is so true! I didn’t realize how toxic it all was until I was out of it.

(Trigger warning: you can skip this paragraph if you need to! :slightly_smiling_face:) As a Christian, I even had moments where I wanted to take my own life because I was “trapped in sin.”

I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with this, too! I know how difficult that can be, so I’m very proud of you for that!

Thanks for the encouragement. :black_heart: I’ve grown a lot in these past few years, too.

I’m happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been.

But I do have ups and downs. A little more downs here lately.

But I’ll make it through; as I always do. I have a lot of help on my side! :smiling_face:

All the best to you, too!