Starting Over - Soul Searching

New Magician Help & Introductions
1

Here’s what I want you to do. Forget everything I’ve said up until this point. I’ve been taking the wrong approach. I wanted to take the coward’s way out.

Yesterday, I wasn’t able to activate the sigil. I gave up too quickly when nothing happened. I also think I was stopping myself. Part of me didn’t believe it was actually possible.

I want to try again though. For real this time.

I’ve been having these dreams over the past few days. The hooded figure that comes out of the darkness to address me. The first night, I couldn’t remember what was said.

The second night, it wasn’t the hooded figure at all. It was Abbadon, or at least I believe it was. The figure made me seem dwarfed in comparison when it was standing next to me.

If I had to guess I’d say it was between 8 and 9 feet tall, and it was just massive. Its face was covered by some kind of mask. Or maybe it was a helmet that covered its entire head, I’m not sure.

Other than that I don’t remember much of it. It was right next to me, then it seemed like I was just watching it from afar.

Lately I’ve been overwhelmed with anger, anxiety, desperation, etc. I haven’t been able to slow my mind and think clearly because of it.

Those feelings aren’t here anymore. I feel calm.

Anyway, back to the hooded figure. He came to me again. I remember what he said this time. And it seems pretty significant to me…

He said to fight back. He said that even though I may feel helpless, I’m not. That I may feel like my back is against a wall, but I have the power to make that wall come crashing down.

So, I want to start over with a bit of soul searching.

I want to know what I am, and what my purpose in this life is.

2

[quote=“Judge Dredd, post:1, topic:2790”]Lately I’ve been overwhelmed with anger, anxiety, desperation, etc. I haven’t been able to slow my mind and think clearly because of it.

Those feelings aren’t here anymore. I feel calm.[/quote]

That sounds like the effects of pot versus the typical morning after “fresh start” most substance-dependent people want.

Just get on with the stuff in your existing dozen or so threads - you’re still the same guy who was here last night and you’ll probably become as frantic and riled up again within 24 or 48 hours. Tone the drama down and do the work - I PM’d you stuff about the LBRP & banishing, how to make a circle and so on, do that and stop asking for more, more, more.

That is my best advice for you, and I mean it well and not as a jab.

3

Nothing better than the scolding of a woman to get a man in his right tracks.

That or a mortal enemy.

4

[quote=“EpicGnome, post:3, topic:2790”]Nothing better than the scolding of a woman to get a man in his right tracks.

That or a mortal enemy.[/quote]

Maybe Judge Dredd needs a scolding woman to be his mortal enemy now.

5

I can lend him my grandmother.

6

7

Thats an epic Grandma!!!

8

Where’d you buy her?

9

Defectron’s “Slinky-Incubus” store, where else?

10

I was thinking Creepy Hollows, you know with the lighting and all.

And how real she looks!

11

I like old people, they’re all a bit mad and they stop giving a fuck about things like fashion and so on, and just get on with being who they would have been if society didn’t exist.

An old family friend once told me that getting older was like “being punished for a crime you never committed” because losing his looks, his youthful vigour and so on for no reason felt terribly unjust, so I’m definitely planning to have a mad granny phase later on, and meanwhile do anything possible to avoid living with regrets.

Even now I can start to understand the saying “youth is wasted on the young” because they have all the health and looks and everything, and are too mired in existential angst and self-pity to enjoy it.