Okay - this is not day one of this Renewed Chapter in my life, but it is my first recorded log of it.
I used the term “Serious” which I tend to shy away from, but feel it apt for this … however, I feel it note worthy that as words & communication is important that I clarify how “Senser” more accurately describes the spirit of my practice & how I tend to approach my life & the world (both inward & outward), myself & my relationships ext.
Spring is here & though I have been sober for sometime, abstinence & just “winging it” have largely been a part of my program (apart from therapy CBT: Cognative Behavioral Therapy).
I haven’t really had much of a formal Program in place for some time & allowed things to really fall to shit there for a time.
That said, last year I bought a book in hope to use it & emplament it into my practice, but got distracted, procrastinated & well let folly, attachments, & my life (and all it’s factors) at the time prevent me from really creating & making the changes that were much needed at the time.
Now at the Turbulant Hurraines which rocked my Seas & this little Ship I call my life, I have decided it’s time to start building a rutter for this ship of mine & stop my wonderings & driftings. Sure it may be a cadipomple of a journey but? with the program in the book I’m now starting at least I’ll have a frame work & some compass by which to guid me & a bit of a map (though much of life, moving forward is uncharted waters for everyone).
I’ve already started back my old meditation practices (though slowly & gradually… instead if my usual head first into the deep end approach to things). I’m taking the Yogic approach both in my engagement & in my physical exercises & restructuring my daily routine into a more productive & healthier approach.
I have found that due to me being Autistic my usual (learned from my Baptist up bringing) of the hard turn, clean break, turn or burn, radical overhaul approach to life & reform has been one of the great sources of failure (with few …but only few … and not often long lasting… experiences of success) & anxiety & stress which quickly lead to burn out & meltdowns & breakdowns for me.
The ADHD/ADD part of me tends to all in, full throttle, and that is something that Autism will gladly hope in board with & allow my OCD to take to the most intense & relentless extremes.
So I’m really having to work hard to rain myself in on things & delivery allow myself only to do a little bit a day … gradually … while allowing for plenty if constructive procrastination & a healthy ammount of doing much if nothing.
Spring Cleaning has been my primary concern, as has been seeing to my financial obligations & needs such as medical care, health (mental, physical, emotional ext.), clarhcal requirements… food, bills rent … ext. All that usual stuff needed & required for life.
The old habit wants to cut & break & make drastic change… but that’s not often worked for me in the long run, in the past,bevengwith follow up … because I usually hit the ground running & though I may get far, fast, I burn up without refuelling. That said it’s a marathon I’m (we are all) undertaking, not a dash … I’m not racing anyone … and I can’t out run time… because honestly that’s only a “relative” match & one I can neither win nor lose (given ones scientific & philosophical approach & bent … results may vary).
So yeah … here is the book by which I will begin to build my rutter & with this image that is the end of this rambling stream of conscious…