My self esteem used to be terrible years ago. I found myself non attractive and awkward, and even if the 3D didn’t reflect that back at me (I was never bullied and had friends) I convinced myself that was the truth and did little to change it.
Years later, on my mid twenties, my 3D started to reflect the exact opposite of what my self concept was, with many people of the opposite sex interested in me, lots of friends that I didn’t try to make, and so my self image improved a bit.
Now, some years later, my self image is quite healthy. I’ll probably never be the kind of girl that runs to photo shoots, in fact I reject anything to do with it, but at least now I accept that guys are interested in me and I accept the good things about me. Sounds ridiculous but I didn’t in the past; my impostor syndrome was huge, when getting high marks or a promotion I would be sure I didn’t deserve it and my teachers/superiors saw something in me that didn’t exist; and I lost the opportunity of being with my biggest crush because I didn’t realize that he liked me, even if he made it quite clear for months. Now I’m a realistic person, I see the good in me but I don’t overdo it.
Point is, I guess there’s something of the old me in the way I behave with others. I’ve been told many times that I’m very humble and approachable, which I think should be the norm but apparently isn’t. I have a very high position work-wise and my appearance intimidate people, but after 5 min talking with me everybody relaxes and mentions how comfortable they feel. I honestly don’t know why anybody would expect for me to be a bitch 
I am a kind person, that’s something that even in my darkest times I have known.
Problem is that seems to bring me some negatives. When I date a guy they generally behave like if they won the lottery during first months; later they take me for granted to an extent that’s alarming. They all seem to develop a kind of addiction for me, tho, they don’t want to let me go and do anything to keep me around; but they don’t compromise or simply don’t treat my with enough respect and love. Have nothing to do with trying to get sex from me or the like, if anybody wonders; they just seem to like to be around me and somehow I end up depleted of energy. I thought for some time that I was being too demanding, but from the feedback I got from people in my life that should be objective: No I am not, I actually put up with too much bullshit from them. The patience that I have had with partners have been infinite, being next to them during the worst times, but that doesn’t seem to change a thing.
I am in a similar situation right now, with someone that is doing crazy stuff to make sure I don’t leave his life, even if we’re exes and he should be happy if I do. But his attitude is what I always experience: Someone that feels holds the power, as if I was crying in the corners for him (I don’t). I don’t know what the hell I do to make them feel this way. This isn’t about this guy, is more about me seeing a pattern and wanting to break it.
I have improved my self image and see myself as I am in terms of beauty and intelligence, no more but no less either. Is there anyone you think I could work with to recover my power? To break whatever it is that I exude that apparently make guys think they got me and they have the power? Thanks for any tips, this is very important for me
