I read a thread by @C.Kendall, and his story was eerily similar to mine. I found the thread bc I was searching for info and a way to figure this out. Ever since I was a kid i would have the same reoccurring dream of something searching for me. I was always terrified, and when I’d wake from the dream , always at the same part of it. I’d see black shadows moving in my room, playing with my toys etc. It terrified me, I’d always yell for my parents , and when they’d rush in . It would all stop. We moved from that house a couple years later and quite a bit of distance from the first house. But whatever it was had followed me. I spent years seeing this shadow person always standing in my closet , or fully in the bedroom. It never attacked me, just stood there. My dad was and still is a Baptist preacher, but this has never helped me. After I was old enough to leave and get my own place, I’ve always for some reason thought that if I kept my closet door shut at night, it could never reach me. In a way keeping the closet door shut had stopped all occurrences, but also closed off all other aspects spiritually for me. Now that I’ve been on the LHP path, I’ve been aware of the blockage. And carefully progressing and learning.
Skipping now…I’ve been closely working with lilith, and naamah. And naamah keeps urging me to confront my childhood fear of whatever it was that follows me. Open the closet door, so I can open the door I closed mentally.
First night sleeping with the door opened, nothing happened, no noises , nothing. But last night, the 2nd night…I heard it moving in there, I could feel it, see it. I was terrified. I spent all night not able to sleep. And kept telling myself that I dont even know if it means to try n harm me, my banishing last night didnt clear it. I dont know what to do, or how to get over the fear created from my childhood. I’ve always had confidence that I was strong enough to defend against anything. But if it could never be kept away with my dad being a preacher, and my banishing couldnt remove it. What should I do?
I had similar experiences when I was a child. I was raised Roman Catholic from about age 7, and had plenty of fear about spirits and the occult because of it.
I used to get pretty bad sleep paralysis at times and would wake up talking to shadow things, that looked like Gollum sitting down and hissed and had a higher toned female voice, at the edge of my bed telling them to leave me alone and that they werent allowed to be there. I got told back by it that I can’t remove a part of myself and it would chuckle. And I would pray and call on the angels and every other holy name i knew to remove it. Never really made it leave for good and would only help me get out of the sleep paralysis state. I also had issues with partial forced possession by entities, generational curses, and exorcisms (which caused more harm than good as they blocked me off from a lot of my natural abilities) So I understand the fear.
It took me over 13 years to fugure out what that shadow being was talking about. But it was right. It was a part of me. my repressed shadow self that was being buried by the dogma I was being brainwashed in. As when I was very young before my parents converted to any religions, I was very in tune with nature and the spirits. After we became religious and that part of me was looked at as evil, things started to change and become terrifying, and those paranormal experiences would occur more frequently.
This had happened because I had repressed my intrinsic nature and magick . I had gone against my own higher self by practicing that religion. In order to heal my fears i had to do some very hard shadow work to reintegrate myself back. Did a reverse exorcism and allowed certain spirits to come in and help me heal.
Shadow work is really important in sifiting through child hood traumas and fears and it will help you regain your courage and sovereign self. It will also help unblock any areas that need to be cleared.
When I went through all my first shadow work, I called on hekate and lillith and lucifer to help me clear my inner basement and attics where all that crap was being repressed at. It is a long process and I’m still cleaning up but the entity that was causing so many issues was killed and devoured.
Naamah, lillith, astaroth, belial, lucifer are excellent at helping to remove those kinds of parasitic beings that feed off fear, if that is what that being is. Otherwise they can help protect you while you question the being about its presence and why it is following you.
It could have a message for you which is why its been following you.
I’ve wondered the same thing, if it was a part of me, or linked to me for some reason. I’ll look into doing the shadow work that you talked about.
Easiest method I’ve found is sitting in a dark room with a single candle lit behind you (back light) a mirror and time. If you can get into trance even better. Just stare at your reflection until the faces start to appear and change and have open dialog. Dont judge any of it. Just let it flow. Do that about 1 time a week. Also do a protection circle beforehand. That’s important I have come to find out.
Which is why I now lways call on my guides ahead of time and have the goal of reintegration with the shattered aspects of my soul.
I hope this helps, and I look forward to hearing about your progress.
Best of luck
Will do ty lucy.
What should I do if my own reflection morphs into something that is so scary that I can’t handle to continue staring? Any advice on that.? – thanks
Show no fear, You stare it down and don’t back down. Thats the point of the practice. Confronting that part of yourself which frightens you. Call on your guides beforehand to help with courage and trust that they are there. Remember that the reflection is an aspect of you that has been discarded and hidden and repressed. We don’t hide our best parts. We hide our most vile and terrifying parts. Our true strength comes in integrating it back into our wholeness and healing it. You have to shine your light on it and guide it home. Its that part of you that’s been lost and is lonely and afraid and has been so for a long time. Resistance is normal. There is adjustment period for sure. Just remember firmly its your reality and you make that reality.
Thanks for your advice. It makes alot of sense, knowing what I know of my past experiences. I’ll definitely work on it