Soul mate, delusions or something worse?

((Just a warning. This will contain some mentioning of suicide attempts))

Iv been seeing and reading a bit on soul mates and twin flames off and on for years. Iv seen people find theirs and some that hasn’t or more so believed but turns out it was not. I for one do not believe I have a twin flame or at least in this incarnation. But yet Iv been haunted by this feeling that is complex yet simple for basically my entire life. I know many on here and out there are also on the fence about this topic. Is there really such thing as a soul mate? Or is it just a romantic fantasy that we created over the generations in hopes for that knight or princess to show up in our lives. Let me tell you a bit about my life and then tell me what you guys feel about these things.

Let me start when I was three. I had this feeling in me that I had this really close friend that I wanted to be with. But I was extremely young and simply just ignored it. As time went on that feeling kept on but when I reached the age of six I understood then that it was more then just a friend. But someone I NEEDED to be with. I would stare out the window often thinking about this person but yet again I placed it aside and went on with my life.

Then in the seventh grade came and I still thought of him. I even was asking my self what he may look like or what his favorite color was. But then I got my “first” bf but was strictly online. We would video chat and I met his mother too. All was going ok but then a few months latter our relationship ended. I had another two that were online after him but yet again, being young, we just ended it. But one thing I found odd was his best friend telling me how he had just changed all the sudden. That he wasn’t the same person he once knew. I couldn’t imagine what might have sparked that change so quickly except just growing up and the normal puberty.

Ninth grade came and I got my first REAL bf. We hit it off right away. He was interested in doing magic too and was already using tarot cards. I myself was already studying a year and half by then and helped him as much as I could. It was amazing but like most good things, it ended. He said his family was getting to much. (His family was strict Mormon) So we broke up.

Not to long latter I met my next bf. We hit it off right away and it was amazing. I didn’t feel the same connection that I did with my ex but we still enjoyed our company. We dated for three and half years. All was going amazing. Then one day we decided to do it for the first time. It was a decision we made and wanted to do. Iv heard how amazing it was or the typical first time stories. But mine wasn’t like that. As we came together and well you know, I started to feel awful and disgusting. After we were done I felt I did the worst thing on earth. I felt like a wife that slept behind her loyal husbands back. But of course why would I feel like that? I just lost it to my bf, one that I held love for. But nope it stabbed me over and over and over again. I blamed on my raising with the “good old church”. I pushed it back if my mind telling my self it’s not sinful to do this. But yet I couldn’t help but to feel like a dirty, cheating whore that moment. I honestly thought that was the hardest part but I was so so wrong. One day we were coming out from a friends house. Another friend needed a ride so we were ok dropping her off. I sat in the back and they sat in the front. I know, it’s already weird. But I had absolute trust in him. Along the way I start to feel something odd in the air that made me uneasy. I became possessive for no good reason. Then that’s when I saw both of them just blanking out as if they were under some spell. Then that’s when they held hands right in front of me. I was absolutely pissed. But I didn’t say anything. We dropped her off and I moved to the front. The next day he acted like nothing happened and as if it was all some crazy dream to me. I didn’t tell him of course what I saw. Three months latter he came to me, sad and broke up and his mom, once a person that enjoyed my company, told how it was all my fault and threw the plastic containers that she said she was going to give to me at me and slammed the door shut.

After that I went out with this other guy from school. At that point I was in the 12th grade. All seemed to be normal except I noticed how I have been attracting witches, Satanist and others alike. But I shrugged it off. My bf at that time was mostly into Shamanism but didn’t do much when it came to practicing. He then asked if I was ok having sex with him. I said ok but mostly to see if I would get that same feeling or not. So we started to do it but then he stopped and asked if I was ok. I said yes but in truth I felt so discussed at my self I was numb. Our relationship lasted about four to five months. He then said they were moving out of state because of his job and he didn’t like the idea of long distance. So I was ok with it and broke up.

At this point in the time line I went into what I consider a really really harsh rebirth or dark night of the soul. I had lost basically everything at that point. My school (dropped out. Long story), my job, contact with family, my friends. Basically I was mostly stripped what you consider normal. As I was trying to figure my life at that point I try to date again. But this time it was a girl. We were mostly online dating but she paid my way to go and see her. Every thing was ok until THAT moment again. She wanted to loose it with me. I was starting to give in but then something in me said “No. Your not the one. She will be with the right one next.” So I told her just that. That we should hold off. A few months latter she broke up with me. But I felt at least this time it was for the best. In fact she did meet a girl not long latter and last I checked are happily married with a cat. Lol.

But carrying on I wasn’t going to give up. So I looked and waited. Then I met this one guy that lived the city over next to mine at the time. He was stable, had his own place that he lived with his room mate and his dog. All was going grate. Close to a year latter he was dropping me off. He walked me up the stairs to my door as he normally did but instead of saying good night he broke down crying. Look like he was about to go insane. I looked at him and ask what’s wrong. His face was pure horror as if someone had a gun pointed to his head. He apologized many many times and said how he loves me but he had to break up. He ran down the stairs and into his car only to speed away. I was so confused that the hurt wasn’t as painful as it should have been.

I then started to notice a pattern and how all of my relationships would end around May-June. I then started to think either I was a monster or I had a curse. I started to loose hope. Then that feeling came back. It honestly felt more like it was mocking me at the time. It was extremely painful. I became extremely depressed to the point I wanted to end my life. But I couldn’t. It felt like a force was always with me, preventing me from ending my life. I recalled the time I tried cutting my left hand off with a freshly sharpened butcher knife and I only wound up with three scars on my wrist. But I tried anyways again. I was screaming in pain, pissed off at everything in existence. I reached for the knife to just end end it all. I was just going to stab my self in the stomach when this invisible hand stoped me. I fought hard with this entity that was stopping me from ending my life. It yelled at me and told me to stop it. Seeing how I couldn’t win with the knife I went to the pain pills instead. I swallowed a good amount thinking how I could finely be at peace. Nope! I passed out in my bed to only wake up with a headache. I screamed my lungs out and ripped everything in site. Once I have calmed down I honestly didn’t know what to do with my self. So I just went on to my computer and played my game.

Not to long latter I met my last bf. We hit it off but I was very hard headed of having yet ANOTHER bf. But it happened. We were going out about a year and half when he decided to join the Air Force. I went to see him graduate from the boot camp and met his mom and sister too. It was nice. We became really close and started to think a bit on our future. Another year and half latter, we decided to make plans on moving in together. We both were equally happy and excited. He then came over for a visit and everything was normal until the next day. He started to act weird. I asked if he was ok. He said yes so I didn’t ask anymore. But then not to long latter he literally went mad. We broke up and I only then found out he just then got diagnosed with three mental health conditions that I know did NOT exist before and worst yet he just went and left. The Air Force was looking for him and didn’t know where he went off too. I was honestly scared that he was going to kill him self or something. They found him THREE states away visiting some family members that apparently according to his sister doesn’t exist.

After that ordeal I swore off dating anyone. By this point the feeling wasn’t nearly as bad though I had the occasional “episode.” But one night I was told I would understand when I go to six flags. I didn’t understand what they ment. Then my mom started to go crazy too to the point I had to move out. So I found my self moving in with my friend that I knew for 10 years. When I got out here I knew I was supposed to be here. Something in me was screaming that this was right. Then that feeling came back but even more. My friend did a reading and told me it was from my past life and I was just not over him. But the thing is this feeling is not just a normal broken heart. It goes into my soul. It’s a need that I can’t explain. Only as of November did I start to see that I was supposed to go onto this path. And just a few nights ago. I felt him. It was really weird but amazing. Iv felt and talked to many different types of entities my life time and this was definitely different. At the same time I kept having dreams about them talking about this plan and one dream was that I was not suppose to know something already. This one guy that I did not see said to this other person in my dream “I THOUGHT we had a agreement…” But then last night happened. I was just laying in my bed falling slightly into a sleep when I got HIT with this telepathic force of a thought from him. And I know I say him. Because that’s the best way to describe him. Every since I was three, I had this knowing that I was married to someone already and over the years I still have no idea who He could be. And to add yes I did try to date just as of late. In fact this last Saturday. We talked it over at work and both were excited to just have a fun date nothing serious. But Saturday came and he never did txt me. I saw him today and he looked awful. He was mostly quite except when he was apologizing for Saturday. I could tell something totally changed in this once happy and out going guy. We decided to just not go on the date and after that he kinda withdrew into himself but at the end of the day he was a little bit better. It seems what ever it is, is still on the loose.

So what do you guys think of all this??

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There is no such thing as soul mate, some souls meet up over and over again throughout many reincarnations, but don’t stress over too much and say they are your soul mate, no two people are bound together by reality and will be together for 50 years because they are soulmates. As for the weird timing with how your relationships end it just comes down to your belief system your thoughts and feelings, if you believe something that’s what your projecting into the hologram that is reality,

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Soulmates are real. Took me some time to find mine. A divorce and some pretty fantastic and painful failures. I’m 5 years on, and everyday is a blessing, and an adventure with her. We’ve been living together for 3 years but the level of connection might as well be 300. Finishing unspoken thoughts, and etc. All the romantic hoaky bullshit I used to think wasn’t for me was in fact coming at me through time and space like a bullet train. I wanted to die when my divorce ended my reality as I knew it. I had no logical reason to go on. Except she was coming and I didn’t know it. Promised my father a few days before he passed unexpectedly that I would just keep going, so I did with a heav y heart. She saved my life.

Welcome @Nick_lastnamehere It is a rule of this forum for all new members to properly introduce themselves, so please click the link below and tell us about yourself and any experience you have in magick ie what you practice, how long you have practiced, areas of interest, etc:

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There are suitable and perfect matches but watch Sadghurus video on soulmates

Well I for one was not even projecting anything at that time when all that has happened. I just wanted to have a person I can love like everyone els. So I know for a fact I did not in anyway influenced that. And as for soul mates, like majority of things even as open minded as I am, I need proof or evidence as to if it does exist or not or if I’m making it up in my mind or not. Another reason why I dated so many people.
I am still on the fence if there is such thing as a soul mate. Yes be a cute idea. But reality of it I’m not sure. I’m trying to be neutral while open to the idea. I truly feel there is someone, despite the lack of evidence besides my new found evidence. Then again it be like trying to show and talk about demons and spirits to a logical atheist earthly person such as my last ex.

I think you’re mixing soul mate with twin flame, soul mates are anyone and everyone you have formed a close bond with that may or may not have extended beyond just a single life. While twin flame, there’s no real thing as such. You can have many soul mates in one life.

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We’ve gone over this john wick. We have to add descriptions to the soulmate word. Many who are obsess about relationships don’t know that there are soulmate lovers, soulmate friends, soulmate parents, soulmate mentors, soulmate brothers/sisters. And not only one but multiple ones. Even soulmate twin flames. It’s basically a contract with past people to meet up this lifetime to learn lessons. =o) That’s all.

fyi. I don’t think i get soulmates. I think i get soul enemies. hahaha. They all run away cuz i love them too much. . :man_shrugging: and that’s after I share knowledge and heal their mental illness or some kind of sickness.

and i’m cursing one now. lol maybe that was meant to be cuz i’m learning and getting experience of magick. Guess i don’t know the truth until i die which i assume i get all my memory back.

I’m just trying to make lemonade with the lemon i got from my special friends who’s turn into strangers/enemies.

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I feel you and wisepup maybe the only ones I know so far that honestly makes sense. How long this been affecting me let alone how much must be one from other lives too but same time I see how wisepup can also be correct. I have met my fair share of THOSE people :joy:
I know all about the whole soul mate doesn’t equal to romance. Iv met a few I fell we did share a past life with or at least ran into one another a few times. One of them I call her sis even :joy:
But when it comes to twin flames I feel I don’t believe all of us have one, at least this life time. Twin flames to me are just nothing but working out extremely heavy baggage and learning extremely hard lessons. There is nothing romantic about twin flames as a lot believe. Iv knew a person who knew theirs and it’s nothing but chaos. :joy: I am perfectly fine never meeting mine.

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