Sexual repression

Love, Sex Magick & Relationships
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Inspired by a topic where someone wrote up his dialog with Asmodeus on wanting to get laid, I’ve decided to write about my own sexual repression.

So, one thing that was said was about how religious dogma prevents us from enjoying life. That we’re taught sex=evil cause of God or some shit. Though that is still a perpetuated element, I think modern sexual repression is less about religion and more to do with our social political climate.

Puberty was just a nightmare altogether, where as a kid or teen I just didn’t think too highly of myself altogether. That’s natural, I guess. But as an adult, I deal with a bigger fear than just being unattractive; being falsely accused of harassment or rape. No shit! I’m fuckn scared as Hell of being accused of rape. As a male, and a cis white one at that, I won’t be able to fight such an accusation. It could ruin my life.

I honestly don’t trust women. It’s not that I believe their all whores. It’s more so because people naturally fear what they don’t understand, so I’m worried that because I’m (blank), people will misinterpret my actions and assume the worst. Women will claim x y or z and men will believe them. I’m not afraid of going to hell. I’m afraid of going jail.

I take great pains to avoid altercations, which make me appear uptight and unrelated. Which only makes me look even more awkward and uncomfortable.

I find it weird that in an age where we’re moving away from religion, we’re still taking in religious dogma. So despite a supposed sexual revolution, having a desire for a woman is still considered disrespectful because you’re “objectifying” her. Despite the effort women put into making themselves desirable.

Humans just don’t make sense. Hell, I’ve even envied dogmatic societies because at least they are more consistent. The liberal western world is anything but consistent, except for being inconsistent.

In conclusion, sex = judgment. I hate how I still have to live with religious dogma entrenched in a supposed secular world. Above all, I hate how one sided it seems.

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I have met a lot of men in my life. Great men, flawed men, genius men, destroyed men. I do not know a single one who was falsely accused of rape. I do, however, know dozens of women(and men actually because it happens as often to men as it does to women) who have experienced sexual assault. And I know dozens of women, and men, who never got the justice they deserved.Realistically speaking, if you were ever accused of rape, the odds of you being prosecuted or facing real consequences are laughably insignificant. Also, most people don’t believe “victims” (real or fake) to begin with.
That fear isn’t a rational or even statistically likely thing to happen- and it’s holding you back and that sucks.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say perhaps your fear isn’t of being accused, but it is of not understanding what “the rules” are in the midst of this on going sexual revolution. Because “the rules” 20 years ago are very different from what they are now.

On another limb: Women are not crazy mysterious creatures from another planet. We are people. It really is that simple. And like all people, we want to be treated as an individual. Women and Men (and everything in between) are not ruled by universal rules and regulations based on what’s between their legs. Suppose you and I were dating (lucky us eh? :p). I would not feel warmly toward you or want anything to do with you if your treatment of me was based on me being a “woman”. I would feel warmly toward you and want you if your treatment of me was based on me being “Katya”: My own unique being with her own likes, dislikes, wants and desires. I would want it tailored to me. And if you think on it, I bet you would want the same. You wouldn’t want me to buy you a beer and take you to a football just because you’re a man. You’d want to do that if that was something you personally like and enjoy. Basing treatment of people based on their gender and not their individual lives and experiences and wants is not a terribly sincere or respectful way to get with someone.

Anytime I’ve felt uncomfortable or turned off by a mans desire for me, it wasn’t because of his desire. Everyone wants to feel desired and pretty or handsome or whatever. We all like the chase. The problem was how it was expressed.

There’s a great big difference between “HEY BABY SHOW ME YOUR TITS ME SO HORNY” and “I like what you’re wearing, its very flattering on you.” Maybe later on, when you’re in a relationship and you two are comfortable with each other, you could express your want more…directly or bluntly. But a well of goodwill and trust and shared experience has to be there first. My husband says some absolutely raunchy stuff to me sexually, and I fucking love it. I wouldn’t love it if that’s how he started out when we were just dating though. Get it?

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Katya, you’re free to disbelieve me if you want. However, you are right about me not knowing “the rules”. However, women aren’t the creatures from another planet. I am. Like I said, I’m afraid of being misinterpreted.

As for these “rules”, I am autistic, so knowing any “rules” is difficult. Whether it be something as simple as just starting a conversation or as much as dating is just initially distressing. I worry about making the wrong move. So again, I’m afraid of being misinterpreted.

Along side that, making the wrong move or being misread means consequences. Ie possibly the legal kind.

I mentioned taking precautionary steps to prevent altercations. One example me is folding my hands behind my back when I’m around women I don’t know. I do not touch them and refuse to let them touch me. I see that from their perspective, it seems odd or even neurotic (which it is). But to me, they make sense. Again, I don’t touch women I don’t know.

And I don’t ask for tit pics. I just look at their fetlife profile if she has one. That’s a joke, but really no tit pics.

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That’s very nice. Yeah, people want to be people. Most, I bet, want to be desired, useful, and listened to as unique individuals who have something to offer and reflect off of. I believe most people are good at heart and I know “good” is a rather odd term to use. Maybe kind to a point and other virtues. And we all want our space as well. That said, there are some that desire or absolutely need others (lots of people) and there are loners who wish to be as isolated as possible.

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My godson is autistic and I feel for you right now.

Nobody wants to be misinterpreted and nobody wants to accidentally make someone feel bad or uncomfortable. And nobody wants to feel isolated.

Everyone is different with their limits and rules, and there’s an infinite number of reasons for this. Some people are touchy and liked to be touched, other people hate it. Who knows why. People are so different there just isn’t a one size fits all rule for handling dating situations and sex and romance.

So the best thing to do is ask. Ask if its ok to hold her hand, if its ok to kiss, to touch, all of it. Even if you feel silly asking, ask. There’s so many good reasons for this:

  1. Asking shows you respect her boundaries and her body, which I can tell is important to you. And it’ll be important to her too. Back in the day, my future husband asked me if he could hold my hand and just by checking in with me like that made a HUUUUGGGGGEEEEEEEEE positive impact on how I viewed and felt about him. HUUUGGGGEEEE I can’t stress that enough. It made me feel very safe, it made me trust and respect him because he took that time to ask me about what I was wanting and if it was ok for him to do xyz, instead of just assuming. The 30 seconds he took to treat me like a person by just asking were significant.

  2. Asking means you have active and informed consent. This is good because your partner will appreciate that you’ve taken time to get her permission and to give her space to say “yes” or “no”. I’ve been made to feel extremely uncomfortable, taken advantage of and yes, even assaulted, because a guy or two just tried to do stuff without talking to me about it. Gross. Awkward.Bad. If you have someones consent, then you know when you go to hold hands, kiss or have sex, that she’s comfortable and she wants it-and hey, I think we all want that.

  3. Asking is sexy! Our society can be very…shy and indirect at times with sex and sexuality. There’s something special about someone looking at you and just saying "I want to have sex with/fuck/make love to you. To say it so confidently and directly is a great big turn on, to be openly and respectfully desired with no doubt about what he wants, is super hot.

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I just read that now and I laughed so hard :rofl:

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Seriously. If I wanted to shove my monkey, there’s alway pornhub.

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I ask for nudes and I get them, usually. Its all about context. Men are visually stimulated and women are verbally stimulated. I get nudes for inspiration and in exchange I write for them hot steamy custom erotica that they thoroughly enjoy. I feel for you Johnny but in the way a psychiatrist feels for his patients. I think your problem is more in your own head than it is society.

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Lol I could try writing erotica.

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I can give you some pointers. But I think my days of writing erotica are coming to a close at least for multiple women. I’m going to be solely focused on the “one”.
I had recently been attempting to find my soul mate and working with Duke Sallos. Yesterday I thought I may have found her but I’m not so sure now as a blast from my past has recently come back into my life as of today. The one, was of course the one that got away. Or so I believe. I guess I didn’t realize it at the time but I also wasn’t ready then. I think I am now. She was in love with me, smarter than Einstein and more gorgeous than a super model, working on her law degree at the time. I was a fool, naturally. But I feel like Lucifer and Duke Sallos have come through for me yet again. So my search I believe is finally over and now it’s just about rekindling the fire I once had. I hope you too can achieve your goals of love and romance my friend. I will help you or I could even write it for you sort of a digital Edmond Rostand’s Cyrano de Bergerac Lol!

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Guys: just so you know, it does cut both ways.

I swore off online dating because way too many men ruined a perfectly nice conversation by sending an unsolicited d*ck pic, or making a sexual comment, or demanding “intimate” pictures of me. One creep announced (rather forcefully) his intention of completely dominating me, without saying anything else first (and I am NOT into BDSM).

My stock answer: WTF? I DON’T KNOW YOU.

It takes time and a strong bond for me to develop sexual feelings for someone, so it’s really upsetting whenever someone comes on like this. It’s way too much, way too fast.

Oh, and because of the way I look, (some) men make certain assumptions about me. No one wants to get to know me first, and frankly I wish there WERE some rules in place. I’m very tired of being propositioned instead of asked out on dates.

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So you don’t wanna see a pic of my friend Richard?

In all seriousness I hate those types of guys. They’re Insufferable to men and women.

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Sorry you have to go through that dear. I said it before and I’ll say it again and it applies equally to online experiences. The difference between rape and seduction is, salesmanship :wink:

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When I bring up sexuality in my writing, it’s usually about the emotions my main character is torn between. Lustful desire for one. And a desire to feel independent for another. It’s not graphic, save for me using metaphors to represent his dick.

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Wish I had realized this sooner, I’ve ruined a lot of possibly amazing relationships, because I saw only a juicy ass steak (pun intended). Those girls really did like my personality and being around me, but my horniness killed anything before it got to start.

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Hey better late than never!

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