So I did the self initiation into darkness 2 nights ago. I should have taken more time to prepare myself through meditation, etc. But I did it.
Anyhow, as a backstory, I have always suffered with depression. So I wouldn’t say the feeling is anything new. But I felt a very heavy, dark cloud of depression since I did the initiation. I think (hope?) it is unrelated. I’m sure it is.
But has anyone else experienced such a thing? It sucks ass.
Okay hope this helps but one theory that I have heard is when you invoke the darkness it basically goes in and forces you to confront parts of yourself that you may have buried or hidden but never fully gotten rid of, that the darkness not only makes you want to seek out the unseen and the forbidden but forces you to access the parts of yourself that you dislike that need to be changed for your own good and that it can be tough at first but will pass as you learn new things.
Not sure weird I heard that theory from, maybe someone else here can shed some light on that? But I remember when I first did that I have seen all sorts of things surface that just laid the truth in front of me like a rune stone reading, things I’d rather deny than admit but it has been slowly reshaping me for the better.
I think connecting with this darkness is part of the reason why I have been so emotionally strange over the last several months. I am literally getting slapped in the face with all the traits about me that are negative and no good to anyone, not even myself and being forced to admit yeah I have a problem with this or that in order to look for methods to change myself, so it’s not a bad thing, it’s almost like when they say a demon goes in and strips your baron and reshapes you but at first the bad and the ugly will surface before it gets good?
That keeps happening to me repeatedly. When I think I’ve got myself figured out and rid myself of my negative emotions I always find that there is another one that I never got rid of but just hid it and pretended to be rid of it and it’s apparwntly not going to go away until I confront such as I am right now and admit that I’m an asshole and need a serious attitude change. Your depression could be the parts of yourself that you feel bring you down the most and interfere with you, so start looking for ways to get rid of it.
You shouldn’t be going back into a full blown depression or anything, usually these emotions surface temporarily to make us aware of what we need to change but if you ignore them like I have, it can turn out unpretty. Hopefully someone else can clarify this information because I am almost certain I have read it somewhere else.
Can I do the self initiation again so I’m not in a rush this time? I just to make sure that it “took”.
You can invoke the darkness as often as you like, no rules against that. I do it myself on occasion just to renew myself.
I’ve heard doing demonic work can have a negative effect on ones mental health
In my experience, the Darkness is the essence of Magick itself. The power of the Akasha. Such vital power invoked into ones person is bound to instigate the progressive processes of cleansing, building, and nourishing. These processes according to chinese philosophy occur on all three levels of Mind, Energy, and Body. Expect a terrifying rollercoaster that will leave you feeling euphoric, exhilarated, and powerful at the end of the ride.
Oh boy I can relate to what Ravens ascent said… I initiated myself into darkness about 6 years ago now an it has been a crazy ride ever since… just when I think I got a handle on things I get my shit slapped too… I have a tendency to let myself slip on self care both mundane wise as well as energetic wise an it jacks my shit up Every. Damn. Time.
It is imperative that you take good self care while traversing this path as it will open you up to things in your psyche that are difficult at best an down right terrifying at worst when any shadow work is being done an skeletons removed from the proverbial closet.
As soon as I slip in any of those areas of self care I get all kinds of wonky an it ain’t pretty…
So be good to yourself. I’m going to go back to taking my own advice an work on my shit lol.
Take care.