So for some reason I’ve hit a point where I’m full of self doubt about my magic. I know it’s real, but on deep examination I have to say my magic is actually pretty hit or miss. I’ve had enough success to know it’s real, but trying to figure out why there are times where shit just doesn’t work.
With this self doubt I’ve gone back to the start of the evocation program to see if there is something I’m missing that causes the failures I e experienced. I think I’m getting into the proper state Eric describes. Spirit sigils start to flash and glow. Vision starts to fade and blacken. I feel that sinking feeling like I’m falling. I visualize a mental picture of what it is I desire and I pump as much feeling into it as possible making it as real as possible. I’m big on Pete Carroll as well and learned a long while ago about aiming for realistic goals, working at steps towards bigger goals so I don’t think I’m aiming too big here. The only things I’ve been able to come up with that might be hinder constant success are 1) when I start to feel the falling feeling it jars my body so I may not be actually in the correct state or 2) as much feeling as I pump into the visualization I’ve wondered if the result is actually not something I really want on a subconscious level so I sabotage it on a subconscious level.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this and hopefully be able to full myself from this magical funk I’ve gotten myself into.
brother, you are not the first to go through this. a few magicians have posted similar experiences like this in the past on this forum.
if i could call it anything i would call it the “get serious or quit” phase of your magical ascent. when i went through this, i was feeling down i didn’t know what to do or why i would do it. its a period of confusion and self reflection. you MUST make the conscious decision to let magic take over your life or quit doing it all together. your manifestations are hit or miss because your subconscious mind has not fully accepted that you are a magician, you’re only a dabbler.
you’ve got to take that leap of faith in your own divinity and RISE as a GOD. otherwise you will never see true and consistent potency in your magical accomplishments. dig in hard, refuse any doubt you have and start to really live as a magical being. eat, sleep, shit, and bleed magic. devote yourself to it and your power will grow exponentially.
When you visualize do you see it as something that’s all ready done or something that will happen in the future? That’s very important.
Do you ground yourself enough? And at the end of your rituals have you givin up all attachments to the outcome? Also important.
One thing you can try is doing magick for and on other people, now you can help or harm as you see fit, it doesn’t matter,the important thing is you have no emotional attachment to the outcome. Just do the ritual, make a note of it in your journal and forget about it, and then sometime later look to see what the effect was.
And don’t feel to bad, everyone go through at some point.
@echo I appreciate what you have said. I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to!
@charles thinking about it, and looking at my journal, the bit about releasing it after could be a big part of it. I found that even after doing the work I still crave the result rather than letting it all go.
Thanks again guys. Now I suppose comes the part of finding what those subconscious blocks are and why they are there so they can be removed.
i just want to say something about self-doubt, that’s been bugging me to post here for a few days
i propose a counter-narrative to the question of self-doubt
in our normal day experience, we don’t doubt. we just go around our lives, doing stuff, watching stuff, thinking, talking, basicaly being like a sim in sims game.
the moment when you doubt, there’s something else happening. you’re not a drone anymore, but a questioning conscious being. and literal fabric of reality twists and curves and torns apart if you push it far enough. most people are afraid of extreme self doubt which, in paradox, openes the Gates of Magick.
in the process of entering magickal states, there could happen an emergence of self-doubt phenomenon. that’s a fortunate sign. that means you’re at the threshold of Transcendence, and you just have to FLIP the mirror. you’re Soul knows how to do this trick, as it have done this many times.
I think we’re all struggle with self-doubt from time to time, not just in magic and within our paths, but within life itself. There’s nothing wrong having doubts about things, and there’s nothing wrong with not feeling good and awesome on a daily basis.
There’s a thing called Forced Positivity, where negative thoughts, critical thinking and pessimism is pushed away in favor of a fake state that suppresses the opportunity to do something about the things that bothers us. This is a common state in Scandinavia and Sweden, and it pisses me off, because it’s limiting the individual development in so many levels.
Allow yourself to have doubts about your abilities and experiences, because it’s a part of your development as an individual. Finding consistency within your path is where your doubts will be lifted off your shoulders.