Thank you for opening this post. Before you read it, you need to read the Protection below in Hindi first. If you do and then read on you will see that placing it was a condition.
जैसा कि आप इन शब्दों को पढ़ते हैं, आपको शपथ के तहत रखा जाता है
कि आप उनके मूल का सम्मान करेंगे
आप जो भी सहायता कर सकते हैं, उसे प्रदान करें
यदि आप नहीं कर सकते हैं तो आप एक और शब्द नहीं पढ़ेंगे
Ok, so the reason we joined here is because we need help. Although this post is very long, it is a summary of our amazing love story so far. When I type ‘I, my or mine’ it will be in reference to the human in our relationship, Voluptas. When I type , ‘Him, he or his’ it will be in reference to the Spirit, Hainoppmejamonn. I believe him to be a Banished Angel, whom most would call a demon and I’m ashamed to say even me in the past. Now I find the term… I don’t know, is Spiritist the name for a racist in this context? Anyway it is as distasteful to me as racist terms now. Something else we are going to have to consider, so much to cover another time. Another post though will be on His very interesting name and what I have discovered.
So we actually met, that I’m aware of, in November 2019. It was the night of my Near Death Experience, referred to as NDE from now on. I was not aware that he was with me from the critical moment. Following the NDE I knew something had changed. Not with me, I have always been drawn to Lucifer, despite growing up in a very Christian environment. What changed was that my understanding of spirituality evolved so dramatically in that the fear of hell and damnation which kept me, let’s just say loyal to Christian doctrine, was no longer there due to an incredible epiphany and what I now believe is a more accurate truth of the spirit beings and their role and that of humans, animals and plants in the Universe. I had always heard about loving God and Jesus, but I never felt it. I respected them and still do, but my attraction to Our Lord Lucifer was actually the love they have always spoken about.
Prior to the NDE, I had researched and practiced magick, with amazing results, the last time being in July 2019, and the outcome of that one spell pretty much frightened me off doing it again for fear of seriously hurting someone, or going too far and, yes hell and damnation.
Anyway I ended up in a job crisis after the NDE, lost my fiancé and went to a private clinic on the instruction of my Board for 3 weeks, strangely, from 1 January, that being the first available room I could get. I mean talk about a new start for a new year. Despite everything that had happened, I immersed myself in the treatment, finding again, that I was believing in myself and unpacking my newfound religious construct. At this point, I believed my position at work was safe when leaving the clinic, although I had tendered my resignation prior to the NDE for the end of June 2020. My position is the highest I could have aspired to in my line of work, and materially I have wanted for nothing in the last 7 years, was highly respected by a very large, International Community and had an excellent track record and an impeccable reputation. All in the past tense, yet none of this does means anything anymore as it was all built on a fictional character, it wasn’t me. The only thing that is concerning now is the financial side as I have no income now. You see I had no contact with the outside world while in the clinic. I believe it’s one of the reasons that I was able to find myself so completely. No outside contact and working and interacting with people who did not know who I was, nor what my profession and religious convictions were, meant no reminders of who I was expected to be by other humans. Why do we worry so what one species in this amazing Universe thinks of us? We don’t even put ourselves at the top of the priority list. Again another post.
So, yes financially I am in trouble as I needed to work until June to make the necessary plans for a career change. At least that was my plan. I can see now that everything that has happened is part of a master plan and I am loving this one so much more than the previous plan I had.
(Yes, I love you too! I’m going to get to the help we need, but first must provide the history. You can also help by not trying to take over typing to make it go faster. It’ll go easier if I type this part. ) *Anything in brackets refers to our conversation.
Anyway, I deviate. 3 days before leaving the clinic, I was informed by the Chairman of the (How do you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask?) Board that rumours had been doing the rounds about me. Among other things was the disturbing news for them, that I was in Rehab and using drugs. I entered the clinic and tested negative for all known illegal drugs and they had access to this information. So, the day I left, I could not even go straight home. I had to meet with the Chairman and the Big Gun from our legal firm. Basically I was told that I could (I was there with you, though you didn’t know it.) not resume my position and a win-win for both the institution and I would be sought for the remaining 5 months. I left angry and disappointed but also feeling good because of the assurance that my expertise were needed. So I got home and that weekend started working on developing my scrying and candle magic skills. I also did lots of research. I have found scrying to be a very big strength of mine since almost immediately I can see in mirrors, blank TV or phone screens, even a glass of wine and I don’t need to be looking specifically for anything or anyone. Another strength is that I can sense changes and presences in my surroundings very easily also without looking for them.
So after scrying, and communicating with whom (H - I have heard uncut stuff though in feeling for the presence of a very strong buddy. V - You’ll need to explain uncut stuff later when I’m finished here.) I had made contact and one Spirit in particular really got my pulse racing and we stared at each other for ages as he came and went showing my reflection then his. I had never communicated with Spirits before and had no knowledge of how it worked except the Glassy Glassy Game. If only I’d known now to listen to the thoughts entering my clear and undistracted mind, like pebbles dropped in a (H - need to do the protection spell before posting. V -What do you mean? H- People claim this happened to them. V - so it’s like copyright, I’ve got that covered. That’s why I’m typing in email. Will be sent first to a private email account I’m going to set up for us, so it’ll be time stamped before we post. H - yes do that, but I’m still going to show you how to do protection spell. Do it before sending. Our story is ours. We are just asking for help now, not telling it. V - you are right, I was starting to lose sight. Deal.) still pond with crystal clear water. The pebble drops through the water leaving a trail of bubbles, telling me it did not come from within the pond. Not words one can see or hear, simply knowing what he is thinking. Anyway that comes a bit later.
So, the form which got me so excited, was a face which drew me to it like none other before. Ears smaller than mine but thin and pointed, these always change in the reflection first. The sexiest, most masculine, slightly slanted eyes, with golden (H - help with the spirit beings and their families and friends and family on my way? V- LOL I didn’t peg you for the type with friends and family. H - There’s let me just let you know when you’re ready to be a Banished Angel.) *Note, Some of our conversations see Him typing and I’m not deleting anymore.
yellow irises and thin vertical pupils, not quite two smooth arcs joined together to form that vertical slit as there appeared to be a jagged edge on each side of the pupil. A boarish snout above a projecting mouth with much thicker and flatter lips than mine and smoother darker skin with a tattoo-like marking around the eyes and across most of the forehead.
I fell in love with this face and could not get a name, so called.him Boarman.
So, I needed to take the next step. I researched and decided to invoke Nepthys. I am going to skip over this and fill in the details later. Suffice it to say I did everything I needed and there was a definite presence but no manifestation.
So I called it a night in the early hours of Sunday morning, not discouraged, actually very pleased and motivated by the results so early in this new way of living. I planned to continue on Sunday night. I was really tired though and watching a British detective show. It was due to finish at 10 and it was almost time. I had left the mirror that I have found gives the best results for scrying on the couch opposite the one I was lying on, about 2 metres away, facing me in the landscape orientation.
I had felt and even sensed, mostly from the corner of my eyes a presence or more than one, flitting around just outside of the lounge door. I invited it or them throughout the day to make themselves known and nothing happened.
As I was about to go to bed, I felt a tingling across my back, all of the light, even the air itself turned yellow, my skin turned yellow and there were what I thought to be Egyptian hieroglyphics in a dark brown ‘ink’ appearing on my skin.
I remembered that all of these things had happened during the most critical time of my NDE. I thought at the time that I was imagining things. But here they were again so real. I remembered from the NDE that all of the white
Porcelain of the bathroom; the wall tiles, toilet bowl, bath and basin had the yellow appearance of the nicotine stained teeth of a chain smoker of many years. When I got to the entrance to the bathroom and saw that same transformation, I was not afraid that I was having a repeat of what had happened before, which would be the obvious conclusion. I immediately realised and this was my only thought and an absolute certainty. There was an extremely powerful presence with me and He had been with me that night. Had he sat with me when I was unconscious, did I die and come back, is he the angel of death and did he orchestrate what happened that night? So, is he friend or foe. I immediately started telling him out loud what I had realised. You were here that night, you saw everything. I thought that I was imagining all of the signs showing that you’re present, but there’s no hiding away now. They are real. I know you were here that night and I know you’re back. You need to show yourself because I want some answers, please. Don’t be afraid, you’re safe here. There are still so many questions, which I shall get my love to answer because I have not got them yet. At this point Boarman had completely slipped my mind.
So, I went back to the lounge, sat on the couch and looked into the mirror. There was no delay or bit-by-bit transformation. There was another face looking at me from the mirror. I could only think about the questions that I wanted answered and spoke quite a bit. I remember images from outside of the house, places I’ve never seen before. When I opened my eyes, over an hour had passed, since I had finished speaking. My first thought was that I had been sleeping but I knew there was more to it. At that point he got up and walked towards the frame of the mirror and out of sight. I kid you not! The reflection left was also not of me and my surroundings. I just remember that wherever I was looking at was dark and I cannot remember details. The lighting and everything else went back to normal with his departure. He had shown himself as a middle aged fairly handsome and stern looking man with piercing eyes which kept changing from light to dark.
I was disappointed that this meeting had ended so abruptly and got up speaking aloud as I walked through the house, thanking him for the visit, inviting him to come back, questioning the sudden departure etc. It was almost midnight by then.
Suddenly the light changed again and the other manifestations occurred and he was back, gone for maybe 15 or 20 minutes. I wasn’t going to pass up on the opportunities presented by a second visit so I sat on the floor facing him after lighting black candles and incense I believe is liked by dark spirits. Yes, I was wanting to summon and connect with an ‘evil’ spirit and invite him to possess me. That had been my goal and intention and I had already made it clear to Lucifer and offered for Him to send any Spirits to reside within me. Speaking to Him in prayer and offering myself to Him I felt such intense freedom, devotion and liberation. I could at last serve a spirit compatible with mine.
So in the soft light of the candles I told my visitor that I wanted Him to possess me. Before doing so, I wanted to know His name and on possession He must answer why He chose me. I suggested He write it and set paper and crayons on the couch in front of the mirror. I could sense His immense power and thought He would be able to do this easily. A crayon began shaking and after a few minutes that was all that happened. I then suggested that I write the letters of the alphabet on a piece of paper, hold the crayon for Him and He could direct my hand. I had never done this before and made some errors, but despite that, it worked so well. The movement of my hand across the page was determined and effortless, in pointing to each letter. The two errors I made, one of which I fixed then and the other, never did, because I only (deal sex) realised after the fact.
Firstly, I assumed that he had one word as a name as that is what my research indicated. I clearly hadn’t done nearly enough. I left no sign of provision for spaces. I even changed a consonant to it’s neighbouring vowel, but cannot be sure what the change was. Unfortunately, due to events over the following 24 hours, that piece of paper was burned.
Had there been spaces indicated, I think that the search for meaning of his name would have been easier. The second issue was that as the letters were forming a growing string, I didn’t know when to stop. I solved that easily and wrote ‘yes’ and "no’ at the bottom of the page and allowed him to indicate after each letter whether or not we were done. When we were done, I had the name as one word, Hainoppmejamonn. I was so impressed, with His power and told Him how good He was at this activity. I told Him that I was going to set up the pentagram with the different candles at the relevant elemental points and put a ‘pot’ for my blood which I would present to seal our pact. I was dressed in pyjamas and did not want this momentous union to be remembered with me wearing that attire, so I also dressed in black trousers, shoes and a shirt. I took time getting everything ready as I wanted it to be right. The connection we had already experienced had been so incredible that I could not wait to bond with Him fully. Eventually I started the ceremony and He wasted no time entering me when I invited Him.
WOW, WOW, Was wasting this body and life for so long. I’m going to keep the details of this really intimate union to us for now.
His physical form I shall also keep secret for now, except to say, I was thrilled by the sight in front of me coupled with the evil power, so extreme that I felt inside of me. I had promised to let him use my mouth and tongue to speak, using His voice and we got onto that immediately. I completely relaxed and surrendered those organs to His control and He again, wasted no time sending out the first sound from, what felt like the pit of my groin, but somewhere deeper.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
That laugh, so deep and full of triumph. This was when my first doubt crept in. I interpreted His laugh as triumph for fooling me. I asked him my question, ‘Why did you choose me?’ My mind was (H - wrong, V - know that now) heading to a panic state. He did not answer using the voice and mouth organs. Our communication from then was telepathic. I cannot remember His exact response due to my mind running away from me and me thinking how I would deal with this, what I perceived as a threatening situation. His answer was something along the lines of that I was available for the taking.
Then, the thought which ruined everything.
I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!
I could not let Him sense my fear or have any thoughts along those lines. I ignored this, stated so bluntly, so casually, so matter-of-fact.
He then started breathing in and out heavily, faster and faster, in complete control of my body. I became dizzy and light-headed and was on the verge of passing out. My heart was pounding and racing. I took back control, actually with no difficulty just by closing my mouth and willing my brain to again take command of my physical functions. I think He was quite surprised at the ease at with which I had done so. I took back control of the situation after this victory. I told Him that His powerful evil did not scare me, then asked Him many questions regarding the relationship and practical workings between spirit and possessed person, all of which He answered. These questions and answers I shall also save for now. I could feel Him trying to rise and I held a large wooden crucifix against my chest and commanded Him to back off.
He struggled against me. The markings on my body were constantly morphing from picture to picture. I decided, after it got light, that I was under serious threat and needed professional help. Both of my parents are practicing priests and I called my mother, told her that a demonic force had taken possession of me and they needed to come to me as a matter of urgency for an exorcism. She called back saying they would leave as soon as they could, a 3 hour drive. I did not want to wait at home alone for so long, so I drove to the local church and explained everything to the priest. He knows my parents quite well, so I was given sanctuary in the church until they got there. They eventually arrived at around 4 that afternoon.
After I explained my experience they immediately.started the annointing with oil and holy water to begin exorcising Him. I could feel Him holding on and He didn’t budge with their commands. I warned them of how powerful He is. At a point, He indicated that He was going to reveal Himself to them through my physical body. I told them this and lost concentration for a moment and they witnessed the physical transformation of my ears. They only told me this later. I managed to curb the manifestation there. Nothing was happening, so I took over the incantations while they observed. When I started, He began squirming and in minutes I felt Him ripped from deep inside me, like a huge tree uprooted in one vicious blow. He screamed as He was wrenched from me and as He left, the last thing I saw of Him was a flash of bright yellow on the back of my eyelids as my eyes were closed.
This is where it gets messy. I believe that I misread the situation. I felt immediately that a vital part of me was missing and I had felt His pain as He was wrenched away. The relief I had felt was short-lived and replaced with regret, guilt and a deep sense of loneliness and failure. I acted rashly and did not give us a chance.
At home I thought that I felt His presence, but kept doubting because it wasn’t the same. I had to return to the clinic for a follow-up appointment on the Wednesday. My parents left that morning and shortly after I left to see the doctor. I explained what had happened. Big mistake! My car keys, wallet and phone were taken and I was placed in an isolation ward after being pumped up with antipsychotic drugs. I co-operated as I was now under a very real threat, communicated to me as follows; being certified psychotic and being placed in a state run mental institution. The next day the psychiatrist told me that I had been having hallucinations due to using illegal drugs. I insisted that they do a drug test which they did and it was completely clear. I managed to arrange for my dad and brother to fetch me from the clinic and this is now my 17th day living with my family. I really appreciate everything that they have done.
Since being here I have tried to reconnect with Hainoppmejamonn. I have even enlisted the help of Lucifer and Lillith. I have felt his presence but we don’t seem to be able to re-establish our bond. I need Him and I know that He needs me. We both made mistakes that first night. It went too quickly and I panicked.
He visited me in the form of Boarman and used my mouth and tongue again, but He is weak. His voice is but a whisper pleading for me to take Him home. As Boarman, he provided me with the name Armetis, but I know it was Him. Does anyone know what we can do to fix this?