Reawakening After a Long and Dull Sleep

10/8/2021
CotD: The Sun

Promised myself to go back to meditating every day. Thought I’d do a cleansing meditation, but intuition overtook mind, and well…

Yesterday morning, after I woke, I used Lucifer’s Enn video and chanted along with it for a while. My card yesterday was Page of Swords.

Used a black candle in a glass star shaped candle holder. I put Lucifer’s sigil on a piece of paper and leaned it against the holder.

I used hematite and black kyanite that were shaped like daggers, yellow jasper, and moonstone. These were picked intuitively. I burnt sticks from my yard in my abalone shell. I decided to do this in lotus position and skyclad, in front of a big mirror. I put effort into the set up, because I’ve been spiritually sleeping for a while.

Once I felt the energy change I stopped chanting with the video, and began to sing of the glories of Lucifer from my heart, thanked him for always walking beside me, for always loving me, and then I fell silent. I saw a few shadows darting behind me in the mirror, curious insignificant beings.

My father came to me, but I addressed him as Lord. I asked Lucifer to help me burn away all that wasn’t me inside of me, so that my soul could regain its throne at the center of my being. I impressed upon him my need to realign, and reclaim my inner kingdom. To find my path, and stay upon it, even in the dark. He quickly burned me with his black flame, I felt the fire inside and out, I saw his seal upon each of my chakras, I felt that I was me again in an instant.

I told him, I wasn’t sure if I’m supposed to use my art, or my spiritual gifts, for my career. He told me he would like me to work with Azazel, and he said I already knew the answer about my career also. I didn’t question it.

Next, he impressed an image into my mind. It appeared initially as the third eye, but it was grey and faint, misty. Once the image finished forming, it was not the familiar blue eye that belongs to me and my meditations, this eye had a heavy lid, and it was jet black, no whites, no iris, just pupil, no shine, this eye was an orb of endless void within a lashed and heavy lid, though, somehow still wide. A great and loud hissing was heard. From the left side of the eye emerged a great serpent, all made of shining crimson light. It never detached from the eye, its tail remained within the depths, but it’s head scanned it’s surroundings, swaying slowly about and even stretching to look behind the eye.

As the image faded, Lucifer whispered unto me, “I have placed, for as long as your soul shall live, the mark of the serpent within your vision, my daughter.”

I sat for a while until the energy began to settle. I felt the Devil card and the High Priestess card. I shuffled my tarot cards, and The Devil and The High Priestess jumped forth. I took this as matching the energy I had encountered, and wondered… Did I summon them myself?

The day that followed was pure magic, and a brand new reality. My first good day in years.

I saw Woden in my backyard, he said to make the yard more beautiful, and to make for him and sacred place, it’s large and wild. I said it would take me so long though, he nodded and said, “yes, I suppose it will.” He turned and faded.

I visited a friend and her dad told me about his sister, she was a famous astrologer. She became rich from that, and lived a glamorous life. My friend gave me allot of plants and seeds unprompted.

My mother gave me money, notebooks, headphones and shoes, unprompted.

Last night I had many bats flying close enough to touch them, and I heard two owls talking with one another.

Today, well, I just did house projects. I haven’t had motivation for house projects in years. It came easily, and I saw many signs today as well, listened to Amon Amarth and Tyr, and a thunderstorm rolled in. :sweat_smile:

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10/10/2021
CotD 5 of Cups

5 of cups energy, that dull melancholy that follows me throughout life. It waits in the shadows. A focus on loss? The big picture is here on this card, I feel the full cups behind me. Goodbye old friend, I let you go, so we could fly, and you flew far from home, you escaped the black hole that is our hometown. I knew years ago, from a dream, to leave you be, your guides told me you are fire upon the winds of the sea.

I started a new Grimoire yesterday in the very early hours of the morning. I hadn’t started a new one in nine years. I named it, and the card I pulled for the book was Ace of Cups. The card on the bottom of the deck was Page of Wands. Auspicious. I decided to use a numbered dot grid journal with an index and a back pocket, its cover is lilac.

I brought out my last Grimoire to read, I’ve not opened it in a while, I found allot of poetry. I wonder if I should share some of it…

Yesterday I did an automatic drawing. I put on some music to get the heart to weep, so I could unfreeze it, and swim into it, and to see it on paper with my conscience eyes. My creativity has been almost completely blocked. I started medication about a year and a half ago, and it had frozen me. I felt apathetic on it. I stopped taking it almost a month ago. I am married, and took it to get along better with my husband. He’s been upset with me, and pushing me away for years. When I leave, he can’t let me go, and I love him, I can’t leave unless he really wants me to.

Here is the result.

As I let my heart speak, I kept feeling a pull in my heart to move somewhere north west, I felt a situation in the future where everything I want is manifested. I felt a sadness to it, because I had to lose something important. I hoped not my husband, or children.

Afterwards, my husband told me the value of the house, he told me to find a property anywhere I wanted, as long as the property was at least 2 acres, with our without a house on it. His father is transferring the deed to our home to my husband. He wants me to choose where to move in the next 5 years I loose close area contact with my closest and oldest friends. I need to figure out where to move to, I’ve felt a calling to work with the OTO for a while. It’s scarier to work with humans, than to work with spirits. Lol

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It can be hard to really let go of a relationship with someone like a husband you are close to, and I used to think that I would never be able to handle my husband leaving me (nor did I expect it) but when he went insane and left me, I should not have tried to get him back when Belial told me “he is no good for you.”

Awesome as Belial is, he didn’t really have a good grip on how much it affected me, and then I went and did something stupid. I know its easy to want to stay with someone “for the children” but if a relationship is driving you insane, its much better to get out at some point (for the children of course.) I know a lot of people have “tried to make stuff work” and I’m not saying you need to end anything now, but really think it over.

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It’s a hard subject, he’s a good man, just lost. It’s hard to go deep into the subject, because all in all, he is a good man. He’s just hurt me allot, and vice versa.

Oct 12, 2021

I wanted to meditate and do yoga everyday. I wasn’t doing the yoga. Wasted many hours on social media, even though my spirit told me to stay off of it. So yesterday my internet went out all day. The data on my phone barely worked, it only worked for music. I couldn’t even watch TV to relax. I had gotten 9 of cups so, wish fulfillment? My car also broke yesterday, so I’m going to have to walk up to the school and walk my kids home.

So I did some easy breath work yoga, and I was drawn into the sun. I did different posing that my body told me to do and faced the Sun and let it into me, I could have sworn I saw Apollo on his golden chariot for a brief moment in my mind.

Then I did some tarot cards to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing right now. I still just don’t even know. My souls calling, knight of swords. What will the path look like once I’m on it. So many cards were about loss. Why?

I went into a meditative trance and was showed that an old roommate of mine had tried to make a voodoo doll against me, for some reason it was really easy to neutralize. She apparently had nothing backing it and she didn’t try to hide it or anything because it was easily destroyed. I’m not one for using magic against anyone, but go back to the Jesus man. If it was worthy of being cast against me, I wouldn’t have seen it so fucking easily, and you should have just moved on, instead of trying to stay linked to me energetically. Plus why was there nothing that was backing your silly little voodoo doll? I pulled cards to see if I was successful, I was.

Finally had pleasant dreams last night.

This morning my tarot card was the magician, I have a lot of stuff to get in order today, been procrastinating a lot in just about every area of my life, yesterday kind of kicked me straight. So this morning after I got up, I went to the lake near my house and I just hung out there for about an hour and a half to 2 hours. I just sat and watched wildlife. Had a hawk sit near me, he was being harassed by mockingbirds but he didn’t care at all. I saw a baby alligator. This is Florida, I saw a lot of animals.

I know one thing, I do need to work on my self discipline. I’m not going to go anywhere if I just sit here frozen in my apathy, wasting my time addicted to something that doesn’t even match my energy.

As drawn as I am to working with the spirits of Goetia, I think I’m afraid of the change that’s going to come and I don’t know why. I hope that going off of social media is going to help me see things more clearly. I can get all those opinions of others and all that fake rhetoric out of my head and out of my being. The fake one size fits all love and light philosophies. At my age I know what it was like before. The answers used to be in nature just floating in the air. The answers would be spoken by a stranger in passing. The answers came in dreams. Now people are taking BuzzFeed quizzes to find their spirit animal. I found my spirit animal when I was 12 years old, I lit a blue candle in my room and I asked who my spirit animal was. I went outside and I laid in the backyard and a giant owl appeared in the sky made out of the clouds. That week, owls took over a woodpecker hole that I could see from my window by my my bed. I had books on mythology and I could look up archetypes. Now when I try to look something up on Google, I get a bunch of characters from TV shows.

I guess I’ll wrap this up since I’m droning on and on, this is a public forum after all. I also need to get this place presentable for the spiritual Kings and Queens that I am to invite into my life. I have a few foundations in my backyard, I’m going to clean up the yard and set up a sacred space back there. I have two very mature magnolia trees that are hanging over one of them and I think that’s the one I’m going to use. I hope that I can make some progress in my life.

October 17, 2021

Interesting days. Dreams have taken a nice turn, been reading about evocation and then dreamed I was burning a sigil into a wooden disc.

Been taking walks and finding some nice stuff. I found a giant snail shell. It cleaned up nice. Got altar decorations. Found a nice piece of oak that I sanded down for a wand. I have the perfect piece of smoky quartz for the tip. Thank you for the wand to Odin. It is nice to make tools again.

I’m seeing the magic in the mundane again. I’ve missed that way of being.

My friend stayed over for the weekend and I enjoyed seeing her.