I’m a bit selfish because in my perspective the omniverse revolves around me and reacts based on my existence. I might know know why I exist be it programmed, random, a bit of a bar mixed drink but I do know … I HOARD! It is natural for me to collect information, objects, experiences, feelings, and more.
The thrill is loss but a gut feeling is nothing is forever lost but collected. At times I feel like my mindest is the proverbial 3 thousand year lifespan of elves and uncaring just letting days pass into weeks and years. So i die… big deal. I exist or i don’t. What will I make of today?
Others are only as important as to make my life more of something (be it pleasurable, challenging, miserable, or whatever). I can worry at times but it is usually selfish things pertaining to me. Why should I worry about nukes or world hatred and hunger? Certain issues can never be sated just like vices or “sins” can’t ever be sated. Enough virtue can become a twisted sin never sated in any individual’s crusade for whatever.
I don’t worry about heaven or hell. I hope they exist in myriads of ways and would enjoy visiting or even being trapped for perceived eternities but such measures of time and space just doesn’t compute in my limited mind. The experience does.
As a hoarder though, I don’t care for the lost but I see the opportunity to experience because of it this refinding the lost and more.
To battle eternal growth I do decide the unreasonable illogical path of searching to become nothingness simply because not many want eternal loss and being erased (which i can’t fathom and theorize is impossible unless all are erased).
Every day or boot up from sleep (which might be midday or night or a nap) I should try to accomplish something but many times I don’t. Was it wasted? No… i still experienced something.
If only I practiced keeping a log. I’m slothful and lazy about that. But that’s ok. We are seeds and like viruses infecting everything around us and mutating constantly.
It is what creation in all its forms does.
Nothing wrong with that.
Maybe that’s why NOTHINGNESS is so appealing of a challenge.