Not how i remember 
Cloud you is pretty damn fun 
Well if your looking for a long term can of worms to open you could explore black magick of ahriman. There is enough in that book alone to keep someone busy for a lonnnnng time 
An example of the bad chemistry is the work with the alchemical evocation fetishes, for that you are turning the body into a conduit for a specific div and so only one fetish is active at any one time.
An example of the futle power chase is chasing after the power of aeshema. Aeshema being known as the power of 7 in 1 or the might of all the divs in one beast. As i understand it at this point thriugh doing certain aspects of the work initiatory opportunities will be brought to your attention by the div.
3 Likes
I know man. People think they get there but they never quite get to cloud me. But they can think they do 
1 Like
Same same
Although my cloud resides in the depths of hell and my unconscious mind. Access is granted but parental guidance is necessary, explicit content resides there
So you would say developing your connection to your own divine self is the way to go then? Is that what you are getting at?
He has a distinct war feeling about him. Felt hella more violent when i invoked him with Michael Fords System
In this case yes, as going after power only leaves you wanting more power. 
that is one of the interesting things about working with the divs it puts one in the position to be the light in their life, as ahriman and the divs have NONE. So it makes ya think about all the shit that bubbles to the surface when working with um and deciding what ya wanna with it.
I still make the decision to 1. Work on becomeing the best version of myself i can and 2. Among other things GETTING ME BLOODY FORGE UP AMD RUNNINGS 
and i am actually headed in a direction where i could have my first forge set up build in a year or 2 depending on how things go. 
2 Likes
true as he aeshema wielder of the bloody mace. Demon of the wounding spear. Bringer of wrath.
Now a point to consider is what is wrath? Cause true wrath has nothing to do with petty anger this is one rabbit hole I’ve yet to dive at this point. Been busy pathworking with aighash and the 101 names of angra mainyu. 
it’s been a strange time. Insightful but strange.
2 Likes
Best combo.
2 Likes
For me it’s not power, but control. I’m an anxious control freak and magick is like crack for me. I don’t want my life to be complete random and left to universal chance. I want to have some sort of dominance over my affairs and life. And I want to be able to react when shit hits the fan, which it inevitably does. But a lesson I’ve been learning is, that in spirituality, it isn’t about the destination, but the journey and the changes that these spirits, rituals, meditations, and practices start within us. Every day we become wiser. Everyday we learn something new if we’re dedicated to this path. And thus we gain power, knowingly or unknowingly.
3 Likes
Let go and try to understand that the greatest power you possess is your inherent powerlessness
I’m feeling the same lately
Power is wholeness, connectedness. It’s piercing. I suggest focusing your energy on building concentration levels. Focused attention has done wonders for me. Channeling emotions through a point of focus aided by visualization of toroidal geometries will push you past what you thought was possible. I’m talking hypergamma States of awareness.
But honestly. There IS such a thing as too much power. Once you get so much control over your consciousness, you will realize that there are limits for GOOD reason. Reason that is in place to keep you from total self-annihilation. Those multiple times when I’ve felt like I was hanging on to the edge for dear life because I attained such high degrees of mental concentration and clarity, was because of my baneful magic against the guy who’s been torturing me for 7 years.
The anger, hate, rage, and wrath of the dark side will definitely propel your concentration levels to new heights. But remember, concentrated visualization of toroidal geometriea is where it’s at. It will cohere your emotions like you wouldn’t believe to a point of being able to feel an emotion to it’s fullest, most intense extent, and to push it through a piercing point of focus by compressing it, compacting it, building more and more mass. It generates bioelectricity, or charge, which your body is meant to learn to contain and channel over time, like a finely tuned instrument.
Agreed, all this is just monopoly money unless you can reliably manifest things you need, like a nice place to live that’s your own, money, stuff like that. I’m not up to date on your circs but look around and see what material things you can upgrade, start releasing that power as FORCE (to create change) and that will bring you into a healthy flow and away from an addiction/obsession-like trap. 
2 Likes