I can only encourage you to keep working with the spirits you’ve mentioned, they all can help you with keeping your head up and not falling back into old patterns. I can say from my own experience that it takes time to overcome them, and the more pain you have endured the harder it is to shed the old skin. But you have to keep going, you’re accompanied by benevolent and powerful beings that are there to mirror your own power and show you what’s already within. You have all the power you need to free yourself of the past. And you’re right: fuck what society expects you to be. You have to follow your own soul’s path, the Hindus call it Dharma. Most people are incapable of thinking for themselves and regurgitate ideas that aren’t their own.
I posted this a while ago and will leave it here in case you haven’t seen it. King Paimon has told me a lot about dealing with depression and recurring negative thoughts, so maybe you’ll find something helpful here: