Pathworking My Current Past Life (Shadow Work)

dagar · April 6, 2021, 6:36am

Then you would you have no more Room to grow. And that will be boring. And you wouldn’t get any stronger.

Keteriya · April 6, 2021, 6:38am

Sighs. This is true and I know it, but somedays I just want a break- ya know.

dagar · April 6, 2021, 6:40am

Take one! All of this is like working a muscle and you need time to see the benefits and the results. But if I am being honest, it sounds like you were on a break already even though you didn’t think you were.

Keteriya · April 6, 2021, 6:42am

I was sorta, I was taking a break from working on things directly and simply coming into realization of particular things.

It is unfortunately time to get to work, I’m just tired of there always being work.

dagar · April 6, 2021, 6:44am

If I can give some advice, focus on what the work in the past brought you and that should make it easier to do the work now. It sounds like you might be falling into the trap of focusing too much on the current situation without realising the benefits of the past situations have brought you and applying those to this one.

Keteriya · April 7, 2021, 5:59am

I wasn’t going to share this entry for the book club over here, but it keeps standing out that is past stuff I was dreaming about and working through the past traumas are part of this journals purpose.

First I dreamed about my ex-husbands family and that every weekend I spent with my kids, I had to do it at my ex-husbands house. I was telling his cousin, about how fckd up it was that in order to see my kids I had to sleep over at my ex-husbands for the weekend. Not only that, but you know he has a new live in girlfriend now, so how awkward and fair is that. His cousin hugged me and then as I walked inside the building a teenage boy shoved his hands down the front of my pants. I pushed him off.

Then I was talking to my daughter and she was upset because her hair appointment for this week got canceled. With covid they had to register special with the state if they were allowing people to not wear masks/not shower upon entrance to the salon. She also had a gray sweater with a college logo, and I thought it was odd but remember all the times I spent at curriculum contest in school. I told her I’d walk down to the local beauty shop and see if they were taking appointments and could see her tomorrow short notice. I was a little worried about money, but knew I had enough. I didn’t have the phone number for the salon, but I knew it was on the door so I’d go get it then call them.

I was going to walk over to the gas station to buy smokes as well, but then someone told me they went out business which seemed odd to me, the entire parking lot was full based on images I could view from where I was in the dream. I was going to ask my step mom to borrow her van, even though it was legit just a block down the hill and a block to the left but there something weird going on with it, and I decided I didn’t want to do that. The teenage boy from earlier, tried to shove his hands down my pants and touch my ass, I pushed him off again. This time he wasn’t alone and I was just like dude, what’s your fcking disrespectful deal.

Then I was talking about spiritual stuff with my ex’s family. It was weird to me that they knew about my practices but someone walked over and asked if I would heal them. They needed to have surgery on a tendon in their ankle but it was so messed up that the doctor wouldn’t do the surgery until it had healed some. It was blurry but she pulled down her sock and I could see her tendon through the sock and it was just kinda… not infected but deteriorated looking.

While this was going on, my view was panning around the room and there were three sisters. All three looked identical, except one was a teenager. She was talking and ranting and had an attitude, but it was clear she was smart, pretty though mouthy. I then saw her baby sister, that was maybe 1 or 2 years old but who looked exactly like her and was sitting in a highchair. I then panned to another girl, who was being pretty much ignored by everyone. She looked identical, but she had a different- darker skin color than the rest of us. I knew she was from a different father than the rest and that was why she was not really included in the group.

I was also trying to dial a number on my phone during this time. The area code where I live is 570, but every time I pushed those numbers, I got different random numbers instead. At first I was using a touch screen phone just like my real one, but I ended up with an old school phone with legit buttons. I kept trying, backspacing and trying but I couldn’t seem to dial the number, or my phone was not cooperating.

Then I was in the passenger side of a tiny vehicle. The kid was going to drive me down to the beauty shop. I was immediately unhappy when he got in the driver seat, I could feel that he was about to drive at high speeds, it was dangerous and we were going to die in the dream. I felt relieved when he couldn’t round the first corner where a black vehicle was sitting in the dessert background. On the other side of the path was just like barrels and plywood and cluttered up stuff, but he wrecked as he reached the first corner, rolling the vehicle and I was surprised we were okay but he was all cocky about how normally he got further before it led to destruction.

Then I was back in the building and my exhusband’s family was exchanging Christmas gifts. Each individual family unit of the bigger family, had a gift for each of the other units. For some reason I was included. I held a pile of gifts while someone else read of the names on them and passed them out. There were all wrapped in blue foil type wrapping paper. At the end I had a pile of gifts for myself. I opened one and it was like a duffel bag of sorts, and it had things like excedrin, ibuprofen and tylenol. Unfortunately the lids had come off and they were spilling out into the bag.

I spoke to someone nearby and was like I can’t do the mess and the clutter, and I was putting the pain relievers back in their respective bottles. I was sort of surprised to have so many gifts, and sat the duffel aside not in my room, but in the room I was going to be in off to the side. I then couldn’t find it, I’m not sure why I wanted it but I was suddenly looking all over for it and was just gone.

My ex-husbands cousin then entered the scene again. He had a book in hand and walked in announcing about how there was still a gift for our mother . I could see from where I was standing across the room, that every single member of the family had signed the book- like it was a joint gift. I was kinda upset, that I was not included. I knew I was not family, I was step family to some, but man I’m still here. I eventually walked over and made some comment about books that I don’t recall.

I forgot a lot of details, but every little dream scene that I do recall, actually coincides with something somewhat traumatic that has occurred in my life, or that I’m dealing with. Things like needing to sleep over at my ex husbands house to see my children are a bit dramatic, but I know what it pertains to. I went back to sleep and dreamed other things, but I don’t recall them now. When I got up a little while ago, it was too a pounding headache, and the longer I am awake, I find myself feel nauseated and wondering if my failure to work on this project today, is already rearing it’s nasty little head to remind me that I have to do my part if I want results from this book.

I naturally of course have to consider, that Elubatel was all about the traumas and me needing healing and to forgive myself if I want results. That I would dream about pretty much the majority of my traumas in some capacity is not a lost fact on me, and it could well be the energy from that, which has me not feeling well, but assuming I can my stomach to stop churning in such an awful way and this headache mostly under control, I intend to spend my early morning hours on this project.

Side Note: Most of this is stuff I think doesn’t bother me anymore or I think that I already worked through at some point in time.

Keteriya · April 12, 2021, 11:42pm

So I don’t really have much of an update, other than I seem to have my temperature running closer to normal and I did decide to do an experiment with one of of the sigils I’ve been using. I’ve been using the sigil for learning a new skill on the ferret, but not everyday, every other day. I’ve notice when I use it, it seems like she is indeed doing the behaviors I was trying to increase but I figured I should try it on something for me, and see if I also saw results.

I tested it out yesterday evening, while doing activities with my son that I’m familiar with my normal performance and did see a significant increase in my performance, or I got damned lucky.

I did also have a conversation come up today in the lounge about the five languages of love. I didn’t really think much about it, because I actually mentioned the book to @Anziel_Merkaba three or four days ago, but I can’t for the life of me recall why.

I’m actually pretty sleep deprived atm, I’ve been up for about 38 hours, so I don’t even recall why I brought it up in the lounge TMW today, but I remember there was an online test, to rank which love languages are the most important to you.

It’s useful information within any close relationships, parent/child, siblings, close friends, but particularly for long term romantic relationships.

The other sigil I’ve been using, is for understanding the emotional needs of others, and he’s my target. There are certain things he does, as all mates do that drive me absolutely insane. I read this book in 2013, during one of my attempts to save my marriage. It had an impact on my life, I understand that daughter feels loved with quality time and if I’m distracted during her time, she feels like I’m not showing love. I understand my sons way to feel loved, is through giving and receiving- and it doesn’t need to be much or expensive.

But… even knowing that Anziel and I shared physical touch (all touch, normal touch is even more important than sexual) I didn’t realize that the things he’s driving me insane with…

are the things that make him feel loved, and thusly how he shows it. I knew it was something I needed to understand but never would have put it together.

I did however know that actions speak louder to me than words. Words without actions mean nothing to me- quite literally. So me and him are matches on 3 of 5 categories with very small % differences, but I need actions, and he needs words- so we are opposites.

I guess, I always point out to others, how sometimes what we need doesn’t come through communication with the spirit, or them actually doing something we KNOW they did, sometimes it comes through some resource we wouldn’t normally find or think about.

But I forget…about it in my own practice nowadays…

Thank Elubatel. It doesn’t instantly fix or change these areas, but it does make me aware and so it can be worked on. It can be something that we becomes strong in, rather than weak. We can meet each other in the middle, all because of a random conversation in the lounge TMW, that reminded me.

Sorry I didn’t realize I had so much to ramble about.

Just some book club stuff. One of my old current past lives, helped me with my current life.

Keteriya · April 16, 2021, 2:12pm

Yesterday, I lost respect for most of my tribe. I guess it’s my fault, I thought it was amusing that if you ignore someone manually it gives you the option for a time duration, so I posted a screen shot showing how you could select forever. I didn’t know there was an option for time duration prior to yesterday. I posted the picture, then got several pms about who was it.

Obviously, nobody important or I would not have just ignored them, was what I said. I scrolled up in a thread I had open from 2017 since I am reading all of @Eye_Of_Ra 's post atm as she was recently bound on her main account. She had a lot of interesting information, and I know myself- if I don’t wade through it now, I never will. So I scrolled up in the thread I was in, verified how the ignore worked and then posted about that.

Unfortunately I typo’d that I scrolled up in this thread, rather than this one thread, and somehow edit’s are showing the pencil at 3 minutes instead of 5 of so, even though I thought better, and took out the information that it was a recently changed avatar that was a pain in the ass, because I keep liking it by accident when I am liking @Eye_Of_Ra’s old posts, and I feel stupid sending notifications on posts from four years ago and not really like explaining wtf I am doing in these old threads.

I afkd, cleaned my litter boxes- there’s one in every room because of the ferret, swept, mopped then took a shower. I like to stand in the shower in the hot water so I took a quick nude for the boyfriend, flipped to balg to catch up on my reading then dropped my phone in the shower. I grabbed it fast, tossed it on the toilet upright to dry and then finished my shower.

By the time I got dressed, I found assumptions were being made over who I muted. I hate people who just assume, that because I have a minute to like a few posts, I must have time to answer them. I probably would have, if I’d not dropped my phone in the damned shower and found the screen covered in water.

I ended up spending the next half hour or more wondering why the hell someone cared so much, when clearly it wasn’t them. Then I get a pm about how the conversation, that I didn’t start and the fits I was responding to were awkward.

Sorry I don’t really give too fcks. I eventually responded, since they had alluded to the fact that they told the person having fits at me, that they were the one I ignored, and just to see if they were really going around sharing my business that they had no way of knowing, since I had told them it was nobody important rather than giving a name, I gave them a fake name. One that fit the criteria I had given, but not one I had muted.

I afkd because I was annoyed, just to come back to see that fakely named person was practically harassing me in pms over it. I ignored them for real and continued my next art project. I eventually deleted the ignore, and responded to them, after I watched a group of people I once respected bash each other, while being extremely hypocritical.

I then left that pm, and all but four other pms- one is my boyfriends, one is a good friend, one person who seems legit and one is Arianna, as I kinda want to hang on to the last reading she gave me. I then left my own book club, because I just am not doing this. I should go leave all of my archived pms too, just to be sure you all get the hint that none of these people are worth my time. I almost left the damned forum over what I witnessed then I reminded myself I do have a purpose and I may be the only one in a human body who knows what it is, but I am here for a reason.

But I do not have to interact with people that I can’t respect. I shouldn’t keep trying to show them where they are wrong, or make them happy- see there’s always someone having fits at me for talking too much in the lounge TMW or in the book club, or at me bantering with my boyfriend playfully because they assume it’s arguing when it’s not at all, even though it’s rather clear unless you have no brain at all, that it is banter. So why am I trying to please a bunch of assholes? I mean really, since when do I give a flying fck?

I’m really not sure when I started caring so much what people thought about me, but you know what. I am over it and I am done with that bullshit. I now have an ignore list a mile long except no one’s actually on it as I want to personally tell people to go pound sand up their assholes, and most of you are fcking on it and never coming off as I’ve lost respect in you or I’ve lost my trust by taking that fake thing I said and telling the person who then reamed my ass over MY choice for ignore list. Not being trustworthy, is hands down the best way to find yourself not in my life ever again- period.

So the point of this is that you can all go to hell, thanks for the lesson- I won’t make that mistake again. If you somehow decide later on you need or want me in your life… good luck. I’m busy and my circle is full.

Dralukmun · April 16, 2021, 2:26pm

I do not know what happened so I will not go on beyond what I have read. All I will say is that we all have our own way we have to walk, whether it is for the sake of power, finding our own place in the world or other goals. That often requires evaluating who we decide to interact with. I have no dog in that fight and will not try to have one. I am not that type of person. But, good luck with your endeavors with the Angels of Omnipotency and beyond. And feel free to drop me a DM if the need arises. I know I am usually busy but I will try to make time where I can for a friend.

Keteriya · April 16, 2021, 2:29pm

Some of it is my own mistake for thinking that I am too often an anti-social person and that it was time for me to outgrow that- no big deal I remember now why I am that way. The rest is disgust at fellow human beings.

Thank you Wilson, I appreciate it* and same to you

Keteriya · April 16, 2021, 2:31pm

Why do I even try?
Give me a reason why
I thought that I could trust you, never mind
Why all the switching sides?
Where do I draw the line?
I guess I’m too naive to read the signs

Yeah, I’m being dramatic and Idc my life, I’ll be as dramatic as I like.

Keteriya · April 17, 2021, 1:09am

Just pasting some book club journals here, because I didn’t record them elsewhere at all, and I don’t want to loose them.

From the book club on 4/7/21 the rest of the entry has been redacted due to the personal and ongoing nature of the situation and other workings being done towards it.

Keteriya · April 17, 2021, 1:12am

Book club from 4/12/21

So I don’t really have much of an update, other than I seem to have my temperature running closer to normal and I did decide to do an experiment with one of of the sigils I’ve been using. I’ve been using the sigil for learning a new skill on the ferret, but not everyday, every other day. I’ve notice when I use it, it seems like she is indeed doing the behaviors I was trying to increase but I figured I should try it on something for me, and see if I also saw results.

I tested it out yesterday evening, while doing activities with my son that I’m familiar with my normal performance and did see a significant increase in my performance, or I got damned lucky.

I did also have a conversation come up today in the lounge about the five languages of love. I didn’t really think much about it, because I actually mentioned the book to @Anziel_Merkaba three or four days ago, but I can’t for the life of me recall why.

I’m actually pretty sleep deprived atm, I’ve been up for about 38 hours, so I don’t even recall why I brought it up in the lounge TMW today, but I remember there was an online test, to rank which love languages are the most important to you.

It’s useful information within any close relationships, parent/child, siblings, close friends, but particularly for long term romantic relationships.

The other sigil I’ve been using, is for understanding the emotional needs of others, and he’s my target. There are certain things he does, as all mates do that drive me absolutely insane. I read this book in 2013, during one of my attempts to save my marriage. It had an impact on my life, I understand that daughter feels loved with quality time and if I’m distracted during her time, she feels like I’m not showing love. I understand my sons way to feel loved, is through giving and receiving- and it doesn’t need to be much or expensive.

But… even knowing that Anziel and I shared physical touch (all touch, normal touch is even more important than sexual) I didn’t realize that the things he’s driving me insane with…

are the things that make him feel loved, and thusly how he shows it. I knew it was something I needed to understand but never would have put it together.

I did however know that actions speak louder to me than words. Words without actions mean nothing to me- quite literally. So me and him are matches on 3 of 5 categories with very small % differences, but I need actions, and he needs words- so we are opposites.

I guess, I always point out to others, how sometimes what we need doesn’t come through communication with the spirit, or them actually doing something we KNOW they did, sometimes it comes through some resource we wouldn’t normally find or think about.

But I forget…about it in my own practice nowadays…

Thank Elubatel. It doesn’t instantly fix or change these areas, but it does make me aware and so it can be worked on. It can be something that we becomes strong in, rather than weak. We can meet each other in the middle, all because of a random conversation in the lounge TMW, that reminded me.

Sorry I didn’t realize I had so much to ramble about.

Keteriya · April 17, 2021, 1:14am

Book club from 4/13/21

I’ve realized today, that the last 2 or 3 days, Fairy (the ferret) has started a new behavior related to part of what I am using the sigil of learning a new skill for. I noticed the behavior but I’ve seen an increase in frequency, particularly the last few days.

Ferrets sleep a good portion of the day. The average is roughly 18 hours of sleep time, but they wake up every few hours because they tend to have really high metabolism and when they are awake they are very active. They play hard, steal things, and are constantly looking for new things to get into, investigate and theiferize. Fairy usually has an awake time every for morning for 2-3 hours, she then sleeps the bulk of the day, gets up roughly every 2-3 hours to eat, shit and goes back to bed until late evening and then has another longer awake time where she’s rather playful, then sleeps till her early morning play time.

Her new behavior is occurring shortly after waking. Naturally the first thing they do is go potty, get a drink and eat. Usually she carries out those activities in that order, prior to any play time. The last several days however, Fairy goes potty, gets a drink and then comes to find me. She often nibbles at feet to get your attention, but she’s doing that less and essentially standing at my feet looking up at me until I pick her up. She then lets me pet and snuggle her for roughly 5-8 minutes before she gets squirmy and wants down to eat and then get into my shit and theif anything she can reach.

Part of the goal of this sigil was to see if I could increase her snugglyness, without holding her down/forcing her to stay with me against her will. That does work with ferrets usually- if you can keep ahold of them until they get tired of trying to go away, they will often fall asleep if they are snuggled up tight, but even if they do, as soon as you move/shift or don’t have them tightly balled against you- they bail.

My daughter has made Fairy sleep with her twice, both times the first week I had Fairy but I get bored, dislike forcing her and well it takes too long. I don’t want to spend 20 minutes waiting for her to stop trying to get away, so I just don’t. I pretty much let her be a free roaming ferret for the most part, and play with her when she’s awake, but play never leads to snuggles- she just takes herself to bed when she’s done playing. I do however pick her up during play time and try to pet her, but it usually last 2-3 minutes before she’s squirming and trying to get away to play more/find something to theif.

I can’t say with any certainty that the new behavior is the sigil working but I’ve been trying since January to get her to snuggle with me, so I have to think it’s probably helping.

Keteriya · April 17, 2021, 1:16am

A reminder for myself for 4/15/21 just in case I ever wonder how I got here from there.

Look, I’m going to say this one more time, because I’m over trying to explain it to you and I’m done being pushed to continue to banter where people are just getting pissed off.

They don’t get we aren’t actually having an argument, they don’t get it’s playful banter and even IF they did, they don’t give two shits. They don’t get that your jealous comment is always supposed to be funny, and the only thing they think is of course not and then things get pissy because no one reads it like you intend it for it.

I shouldn’t have poked fun at you above with the meme and I’m sorry for starting it, but just like last night where I pointed out we had our own thread for the bullshit, and everyone insisted on staying where they were so I let it go, @Mulberry has pointed it out again and it is a valid point, so please when you want to bull shit with me, regardless of where it comes up and makes you want to do it, please tag me in our thread.

We, not only you are loosing respect of other people and I really just want to do this book club, enjoy the workings and learn from my peers here, rather than make everyone pissy at me for not being able to stay on topic.

I’ve said it time and time again while you giggle at me on the phone so I’m saying it in words, clearly here so that hopefully it gets through to you that we need to stay on topic wherever we are, because while the occasional thing probably would be fine, it’s no longer occasional and if it drives me nuts, I am sure most people are annoyed by it.

It’s fine to have a conversation if it’s related, but please help me stay with in the boundaries of what is appropriate.

Keteriya · April 17, 2021, 4:10am

I definitely have to continue the Angels of Omnipotence, I’m rather committed, even though the book doesn’t hit the two week mark for another 2-3 days depending on time zone. I did the initiation ritual with all 9, and so I thusly need to keep my end of the deal, in which I work with the other 8, maybe not for a full two weeks each, maybe some will be longer but- I need to work with each angel, period.

The last few days events, make it even more important that I complete this first group of sigils as well. I know I’ve mentioned somewhere here or there, or maybe the other journal on dead shit, that one of my choices of sigils for Elubatel, was a sigil for understanding the emotional needs of others and the target I’m trying to understand is @Anziel_Merkaba. I don’t think I’ve explained why, so I’m going to try to ramble train my way that direction, maybe it’ll help me pick up on something hiding in plain sight. I sure hope so.

I pretty much feel like a failure the last few days. I’ve been trying but it doesn’t seem like I’m hitting the mark with much. I think I’ve had enough of the drama, so I’m going to get right to the point. See the entire point is my son has adhd, Anziel has adhd and my only other real friend in my real life, also has adhd, and I am struggling.

I know, it’s not their fault. I distinctly remember my sons doctor explaining to me, that the adhd mind… the filter doesn’t work like the rest of us. Whereas I say what I think on purpose, they can’t help it. Their mind doesn’t let them know that they are out of bounds or going to far, or saying something inappropriate, until afterwards with some things.

It can apply to other behaviors as well, but I’ve seen my son outgrow most of those, and my other two loved ones don’t have many of those either. They do however all have really high iqs and are very intellectual- if you can get them on the right topics, and then understand them when they out knowledge you.

All three of my loved ones, can have good conversations for hours a time where they are able listen and everything is good. The trouble is, each one of my loved ones, has some area where they essentially loose their ability to stop and think about anyone else around them. They get excited about it because it’s interesting, it’s something they are really into, things they rate fun even.

For my son, it’s guns and farms and cows and shooting and fishing, and things like that. I sometimes loose my cool with him still and I know it’s not his fault, but getting him to pause and listen is impossible. Leaving the room doesn’t work, he’ll follow or get louder and I only see them every other weekend, so I don’t have many punishments I can give. I don’t have many things I can take away from him, other than myself and well. I’m kinda here alone, with two kids already competing for every second of my very limited two weekends a month with them. So I am struggling in a few ways.

My real life friend, his thing is advice. If he sees some area of life that he can give you advice on, boy you are fckd. You can’t talk over him, you can’t get him to stop, he will repeat himself until he is certain you understood. You don’t have to agree but he has to be absolutely certain you understood. He’s 57, he says they didn’t really know what adhd was when he was a kid, but he wishes he had, because he’s struggled his entire life with it.

I recently went two months without opening my door when he came over (No cellphone so he can’t call me, he just drops by.) Then when I was moving apartments in March, he heard about it and showed up to help. God am I an awful friend and person. I was hard up on making my point and he did apologize, telling me he was trying to tell me how to live, he just wanted to make sure I knew all my options and I could live with what I decided in regards to my ex and legal issues.

Then, we have Anziel. Cars, jokes, fun. Pretty much anything funny, sarcastic, could be twisted into a cringe joke, and a few other things like never giving anyone driving on the road the benefit of the doubt. Downright awful when there’s no way you can know what that other driver is going through, thinking, where they are going, do they even know the area etc etc. But the problem is mainly the funny, sarcastic, joking.

I’ve legit hung up on him, in regards to a funny thing that I had already read. I told him I read it and he just kept on and when I tried to interrupt and reassert I didn’t want to hear it, he started over. So I hung up… Sorry too bad, I didn’t answer the phone again that night. You didn’t hear me, you weren’t listening.

If it was always that way, maybe we could make some progress. But it’s not. Most of the time, when he’s not here we are on the phone either in voice or video chat. Even if I don’t find it funny, sometimes he thinks I will because he does. I have to be real careful to keep my tone hard and not let him think I did.

Sometimes I can’t, I found it funny. I say no in chat, but he heard my laugh. I guess the answer would be to not be on the forum when we are in calls, but then I’ll never be here- for real. It’s really not that long till he’s moving here either so… Laughing is a reaction. You can curb it some, but all of it?

Yeah probably not me. I love humor. I love when things are funny, but how do I get him to keep it in voice and not banter it out, not share it with the whole wide world who doesn’t get it or find it funny? I can tell him and remind him and that damned impulse filter… it just isn’t going up. For the most part, he doesn’t even care what people think about him, and I don’t too much either but. I keep finding myself getting bitched out about it, when I am trying to figure out what to do.

See I’m trying to redirect, and I picked this sigil, for understanding the emotional needs of others, with Elubatel because maybe if I understand. I can figure out what I can do to help make it better. It’s not just him, if I could not react he’d do less of it though if you go through his history, you’ll see it’s not a new thing, it’s just more because he has someone he loves and trusts and can be himself with. So it’s an us thing, we have to work on it and I have to do my part, but I don’t know what my part is.

I guess it’s okay for a minute, because ironically after I took a hit for him, gave up something important to me, that was my idea, after I decided if certain behaviors were allowed essentially because it’s me and an ambiguous post- three times over now, that I’d keep to my own threads, because sure the forum can think it’s passive aggressive and what I think is, at least I won’t be bullied or abused for no reason if stay in my own threads.

No I don’t consider being honest about not caring for a person a good enough reason to treat them like shit. Its fine to have disagreements and debates and whatever but I’m on the third time that things have been pushed way beyond what I consider reasonable and I don’t equate not liking someone to the same as they are my enemy, I’m an adult after all. I’ve had to work jobs where I didn’t like everyone and they didn’t like me. That doesn’t mean you can’t get along for the sake of the team.

So anyways the point of that last little ramble is, he ditched me. Not ditched me as far as dating goes. We’re still talking, still on the phone, he’s still moving in with me in about a month. But he’s taking a break from the forum due to the drama.

I get it, and I do appreciate that he recognized I had his back and he thanked me and he loves me but. Gosh now I gotta do this hard part alone, and seems like it would be nice if he had my back for it. It’s not on purpose and I know that, or I’d be having fits, it’s a not comprehending because we rate things differently.

Like for me, I already bubble my life and limit what I do because of my lungs, so It almost feels unfair, but it is my choice and I’m not going to change my mind at least for a while so. I can’t complain, I just wish I wasn’t doing it without him and I will have that conversation with him, but atm I am emotionally tired already so I feel like it can wait for tomorrow, I think he’ll understand, if he hears me.

Hmm. Seems spirits have this problem too sometimes.

Sorry friend, too ironic that I was writing this, as you were pming me that.

anon39079500 · April 17, 2021, 5:21am

Balls…now the “updates” will take me to the end… A fitting response

Keteriya · April 17, 2021, 5:23am

Oh, I didn’t get it at first and it’s because I quoted you, so you jumped most of the ramble train. I see how are you are.

Sneaky littttleee sonofabich lmao.

anon39079500 · April 17, 2021, 5:24am

Norse being analytical/logical/strategic myself…

Keteriya · April 17, 2021, 5:24am

This so hard lmao, granted if I’d not gotten real mad at you that one time, you might be caught up on your own lmao. Shame on me!