Guys from all over including some special people i got to know: @Lady_Eva@C.Kendall@Lotusarcane@HellChild@Noxxshroude@Epsilon_The_Imperial@AlphaC
I’m officially announcing my departure from the forum.
I had a great time with you guys. Probably too great for my brain. It seems that i’ve been practicing magic since 14 years ago and all this time my brain had the potential to loose it.
As of late i cannot stop having panic attacks and i can’t stop thinking that either someone here cursed me because i pissed them off for which i’m incredibly sorry i was just being passionate about this new road. Or i went too far too soon without following the proper guidelines of magic and i need to see a real doctor now.
I might fall in the disease known as schizophrenia as i can’t control what i think and i seem to believe every thought that comes my way.
I have been doing fine but @Lady_Eva and @C.Kendall know my condition best as i’ve had to tell them first. My paranoia is taking over and i’m literally far too young to loose it now. I’m only 23 years old. So if there is anyone kind enough to make some ritual for healing my mind and help me out so that i don’t leave here and become fully insane i would appreciate any help.
At this point i’m afraid to do any magic at all not even white magic as i feel it might trigger an even more serious episode of panic attacks.
I seriously wanted to advance in magic but i hit this thread about a goddess herala and that was it for me. It seems that my paranoia took over.
If any of you cursed me then I’M REALLY SORRY FOR OFFENDING YOU! Please cancel your curses because i’ve learned my lesson. I have too much mental damage for this to be my last day as a healthy man.
Thank you very much for everything and farewell. Until my next life.
Your post breaks my heart. I am sorry that you are suffering from such a hard problem. I am also glad that you came to the forum and asked for assistance instead of just leaving. Please hang on just a little while longer and let your extended family here try to help you. If it is magick related as I suspect, we should be able to help. You can not fight nor should you fight this alone!!
Aw man don’t leave :c sharing your experiences were amazing. Please don’t give up but hang in there. May all the demons help you and heal you. Don’t fight alone.
You need to chill the fuck out. Stop magick for a few days, start exercising like crazy, eat a shitload of meat.
Don’t do anything that will lift you off into the astral.
It is absolutely normal to feel like you are losing it, and happens to pretty much every magickian.
You might think that someone has cursed you, or that someone is out there trying to fuck you up, or that a spirit is trying to fuck your ass up, but that is just your mind grabbing onto something random because of fear.
To get rid of it, you need to relax, ground yourself into the physical without flying off into the astral.
You’re not losing your mind, you’re not under attack, you are just ungrounded.
As soon as i’m going to leave this keyboard and go to bed and be alone with my thoughts i will lose it again. I’m fine now as awake but i feel it in there. in my mind. i’m about to blow and ireally want to be ok.
Sad to see you go, but there’s no shame in stepping back and creating a healthy space for yourself. Life forces me to step back frequently, which is good or I’d end up spending all of my time doing stuff like this and the animals would starve or something. So take your break. Either you’ll find another path in the break or you’ll come back.
And I’m with @anon20147451 when it comes to taking a chill. A morning meditation routine really helps keep my mood balanced. Either a yoga morning salutation or just sitting by myself and drinking a hot cup of tea. These little things are essential. Absolutely no hard music, no television, radio… just you finding a center and regrounding. If you’re not already going that perhaps it shall help.
@Faustus I actually did that. WAY TO MUCH! A whole new demonic world plus i have no clue how opened i staied for as many new demons to be discovered as possible. Obviously did not took under consideration my human limits.
@Faustus I’m in that situation right now. “Screaming chaos” and i’m affraid to actually leave the keyboard as i’m alone in my house and i have no one to talk to.
don’t leave!!!i know what happend and i hope it’s not a curse,but the problem is you seem you did lots of spiritual stuff and neglected your phisical body and jusy lost the balance,what you need now is just let go a bit of evo/invo and ground yourself.your mind running too fast and once you calmed down,(yes even with medicines)you’ll see things clearly in your body is telling you to focus for now on some earthly stuff.like fire said,start working out,focus,meditate and decreas the spiritual stuff for a minimum.right now fear playing tricks with your mind,do anything that make you relax,draw,be in nature and i agree with everything fire said listen and do it.you’re right you’re just 23 years old!!!so young your whole life are in front of you you’ve got family here who cares for you and loves you don’t let go of it!!!
hell i’m turning 40 this year and yes i ain’t done anything bombastic with my life so what?? as long as we are here our role hasn’t ended!!!you’ll go through it and your expirience will help others in the years to come!!!
I went through the same thing when I was about 22-23… I had a complete mental break down and was suffering from panic attacks and intense paranoid delusions for a few years, actually. I am not saying you’ll be suffering for years… My case was brought on my a research chemical that I overdosed on. I was hearing voices, believing my loved ones were agents of an intergalactic government organization with psychic thought police who were there to harvest my memories and study me… I saw a galactic federation in the stars, and many different beings and organizations were aware of my presence as I observed… There were hostile beings, friendly beings, and neutral groups, then there was the thought police who were the bane of my existence. Everyday was a struggle. Performing basic tasks like going to the grocery store was hell for me. My level of psychological and spiritual suffering was insane.
My point is that somehow I made it out alive, and never ended up in a psych ward. I held onto the remains of my sanity for dear life every day. I’m 28 now and I rarely have a delusional episode or intense panic attack.
It will end! The trick is to question everything… Question your thoughts. Be skeptical of yourself. Don’t spiral out of control and let the sickness take you over.
Somedays I truly believe the things I saw were real. But I choose to keep those thoughts at a distance.
It won’t last forever, brother. Just hang in there. You can do it.
