By all definitions I would call myself a novice when it comes to the Left Hand Path. I have loosely dabbled in what many would consider white magick, and other forms of divination (tarot) for many many years, but just within the last 8 months I have began my journey into Black Magick and was advised to buy a book by Peter J Carroll and his introduction into Chaos Magick. I’ve immediately taken a liking to it since I also at the same time, after many years of partying and traveling around the world, have become sober. Black Magick and the idea of control, and personal power have fit right into this path that I have taken.
So far I’ve only dabbled with using Sigils and meditation. I’m not sure if my process is considered “sex magick” but what I have been doing is writing down my desires (starting small), and then breaking down my desires into sigils and then sexually arousing myself to point of orgasm and focusing upon my sigil during orgasm, also anointing the sigil with my own sexual fluids. The results have been great, and I have been pleased with the changes I have made in the universe. Moving along, a part of my readings brought me to Evocation, my knowledge of Evocation and/or the proper way to do it is very very small. I don’t know how to conjure any specific demons, or familiars, or even know who is who, or what they do. only thing I have ever read seemed to loosely explain what Evocation does, and that you could create your own “demon” or “familiar” to attach themselves to you and serve you to accomplish a goal or serve a purpose. It explained that you could specify your demon/familiars attributes and purpose and you could put them in your Sigils to “activate” them. (Please, just let me apologize if I seem very mistaken, I am only relaying, I know that I know nothing about the proper form of Evocation) Anyway, I tried this out and had lovely results. This lasted for about what seemed to be the last 5 months of my life. Recently (couple nights ago) I decided to give this another go, and try to make a new familiar/demon and tried explaining it’s attributes and the desires I sought. I did the ritual and ever since I have been having extreme anxiety and a feeling of being a stranger to my surroundings. I dont feel confidant when I talk. I get distracted when I’m reading, or talking to any one. I get cold sweats, and what feels like a burning rock in my head, and I need to take a minute to calm down. I’ve tried reversing some of the rituals that I’ve done (burning my sigils, making new sigils against the problem sigils etc,) meditating, creating magical barriers, talking to my guides, but I still am having moments of this unexplainable anxiety. I have yet to find a case that is as specific as mine online. I am completely sober, so this is even more shocking to me because I can’t blame it on any drugs/drinking. My questions are as follows : Did I do some form of ritual by accident or anything wrong that is causing this feeling? What is the best way to rid myself of this? Am I missing something here? Thank you, any information is helpful (also I read somewhere that as a a first timer I should be making an introduction, but can’t seem to figure out the proper place to do this, so if I am doing this wrong as well, I apologize)
After you do something, it’s human bias to blame an illness or unfortunate occurrence to the thing which preceded it, even if there is no reason to suspect that it may be the case.
Don’t be hyperfocused on the specific magic you’ve done, expand your perspective and consider other possible angles.
I have a feeling that the magic itself brought out an instability you’ve had in your subconscious, though I could be wrong.
Last night i performed the lesser banishing ritual of pentagram, and it seemed to help. But when I tried to go to sleep later I couldn’t. Id lye there awake, every time I’d close my eyes I’d envision ceramic pots shaking and jittering, or people convulsing. I had to sit up and yell stop before I could even try to fall asleep. Right now I just woke up and felt fine at first but then once again this wave came over me, where I my arms feel hot, and this feeling that something is horribly wrong came back. Does ANYONE know what is going on?? I am honestly never like this.
*the pentagram