I loved your post, we could be best of friends haha lol
Our pain is self inflicted.
I got that tatted on my chest for a reason homie
Between 15-20 I was depressed too. My perspective on life was shit, the monotony dulled my senses, and I did hella drugs just to numb myself to the boredom. I was so bored I too, obsessed over a chick. My obsession over her hurt me even more than she eventually did lol.
Tbh, you are the root of your own problem, because you dont love or accept, or even know yourself yet. Your basis for happiness is still based upon what makes other people happy, ie. The girl, the clothes, the status of others.
It blows to say, but do something constructive. At least play a damn video game and simmer down. You dont need anyone, or anything except yourself
I mean I’d forget about the girl man. Just forget her.
Do anything you have to to forget about her.
If your thinking about sucide your not ready for a girlfriend.
It would be a disaterous relationship with her always having to take care of you and deal with your suicidal depression.