I need advice on the left-hand path vs the right-hand path. Due to recent circumstances of a bad investment that:
- Was done under pressure of my ‘lifelong friend’
- Caused me to leave my job that while not doing terribly well, could have kept me employed
- Went sour due to alcoholism on the part of the other party and pot abuse on my part to deal with it
- Now has me with no money and no job
- Without friends taking me in, would have left me homeless, and am for the most part still ‘homeless’
- Has me still paranoid on the part of the ‘lifelong friend’, due to some details I won’t divulge
- Has me in a silent rage that I cannot shake
- Has me left bitter and turned my back on God.
- Has left me with no money or insurance for my antidepressants and anti-convulsant prescriptions.
Turned me to look into the Goetia. I then looked at some works on the left-hand path, including Koetting, Crowley, Ford and others including ONA, OTA, O of P, and others; while still looking into Hermetic organizations.
I was in a complete day and night rage of the circumstances that occurred in February, had me flee for my life in May, and still not comfortable or filled with love like I used to be. I started reading the Solo Black Mass and could not finish it as it made me fearful and sick to my stomach.
I dont know what path to take, but am leaning back to the RHP to try to have me salvage what is left of my soul, if it has not been lost at this point.
I need honest opinions from people who are experienced on either path for a considerable number of years.
I have no money for psychiatry and have no desire to go to a state hospital, which is why I looked toward the Goetia in the first place, feeling that prayers fell on deaf ears, if it is even there in the first place.
I really need immediate change for the better in my situation, to keep me from turning to crime or the state hospital.