Narrowly Avoiding Destruction

Hey guys, just felt like I’d share my feelings lately.

Things are really looking up for me now, but for a while they weren’t. On Facebook meme pages, the ones where people look at depressing/suicidal-joke memes for solace, a lot of people share posts of confusion about their own emotions. Like feeling nothing one moment to being overwhelmed the next. My emotions are very balanced and so I assume that must be because of my meditation and deep emotional introspection. I’ve read RHP books where it is said that this is all we need to do to feel better. That any kind of negative emotion or experience is just us being called to unravel ourselves. Obviously this is different for clinical problems, like serious depression, anxiety or psychosis that needs medication. It would be a lot harder to balance yourself with that.

I feel like I came very close to being in a very dark place. I was being extremely obsessive and stuck in a situation. A lot of confusion and being unable to escape something, and deluding myself. Instead of swallowing me though I did magic with Lucifer and got what I wanted. Things have changed for the better, but it’s chilling for me because it feels like I side-stepped a land mine.

I think that apart from legitimate worries (a disease, poor financial situation, safety situation, a putrid broken heart) the main reason why people suffer is because of confusion and fear about what life is. I was unhappy for a while but I knew what I did have was what many people lacked: confidence and security with existing and knowing myself. Getting into the LHP has made me question what I thought I knew and made things a bit confusing, but I still have that peace and knowing.

I was really upset about not having a boyfriend, ha. That was just what my obsessive mind was focused on and almost levelled by. And I was obsessed with someone who didn’t seem to want me, but apparently did? I have been contemplating whether we actually gain anything by going through these ‘nadir’ moments. Pain is necessary for growth, but maybe only in the early stages of life, and maybe all of us on here can evolve and empower ourselves beyond the need to go through that. I didn’t go to that darkest place but almost did.

I think what we all need to do is learn to value ourselves enough to make things as good for ourselves as we can. And then become aware of how we are perceiving things about ourself and our life. There is no excuse to dwell in unhappiness or resentment about anything. I felt deep down that by holding onto negativity I was punishing the forces of life when things were unfair. But they don’t care about our suffering. We must value ourselves enough to put our happiness over caring about what seems to be fair or worth sulking over.

When we decide “I deserve to be happy” then we can methodically work toward living the best life, which is what we deserve. Start with thought patterns and then isolate what is actually wrong with our lives. Working on healing and releasing ourselves so we are in a good place to then work magic effectively. Collectively and actively working to better the experience of life. Being more thoughtful about existing and what is actually happening, waking up and making changes.

I don’t want anyone to be stuck like I almost was.