My struggle

I’m posting this because maybe my experiences with help some others.

My issue is this I was in a D/s relationship with Azazel for almost a year. And we are still very close…so close even in my dreams I will call out to him first when I need help. He has NEVER failed me. So wether anyone loves or hates him you gotta respect his dedication and loyalty.

Now the dynamics of our relationship has changed and thats ok. The only constant thing is that everything changes.

So now I find myself in an odd position between Azazel and Lucifer. I love them both. But for different reasons. Lucifer has been trying to work with me for months…and I realize it is a mental block of my own that I form a wall as soon as Lucifer gets close.
Perhaps it’s a wall to keep myself from being hurt. Or maybe it’s something else. I seem to be able to work with anyone else fine.
But I must stress Lucifer has done nothing to cause me to think he would hurt me.

So maybe this is just for my own mind but I cannot enter into another D/s relationship. I cannot form pacts that would include anything remotely like that. And I haven’t been in a pact since Azazel.

I will not do a pact. But I have agreed to a merging if you will. A coming together and uniting. On terms we can both agree too.
Azazel will stay a close friend and be spoken of fondly. He will help with my armies. And he will be welcomed and respected.
I will retain control of my armies and I will decide what they do.
Lucifer has set his own terms as well. I will work on magical projects that will benefit him. As well as some other more personal requests.

I have realized that I can and will stand my ground. I will move from where I have been to a higher place but it will be as equal. And I’m not being disrespectful here. I totally admire and respect Lucifer …I’m just not putting myself in any situation where I’m not on equal footing. Alot of power and alot of magick can add up to a whole lot a craziness.

I’m finally writing it all up and this will be the next step in my ascension. But it will not be a pact or a deal. It will be side by side equals. Working with our agreements and standing firm.

There are things I need and things he needs/wants.

It’s a big step but I’m willing to step from magician to godhood and claim my throne… like a boss !:smiling_imp::sunglasses::heart:

And I do care for Lucifer very much… I just needed this to sort shit out in my own head!! Cuz shit gets crazy sometimes :joy::laughing:

Anyway enough ramblings from the insane mind of Arianna :speak_no_evil::heart:

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:smiling_imp::smiling_imp::smiling_imp: I feel like you too! Wow! This is awesome! We all want to be gods! Rest assured that in the next universe we will claim our thrones and succeed our patrons! :blush:

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When I read the subject, I read it as Mein Kampf… I’ve been spending too much time on the internet…

But yeah, it sounds like you’re getting into a place where you can attain the power many of us seek, so good on you for that.

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Thank you!

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Ditto - I was going to say that there was someone else who wrote something entitled “My Struggle”…

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