I just joined today and this is my first time posting. I’ve visited many online occult communities before but took a liking to none. But I feel like the people here are much more chill and helpful to one another, so I’ve decided to join. Although I feel a bit like I’m intruding…
I wouldn’t call myself a magician. I did I Ching divination when I was young, I sometimes do meditation rituals (thought they’d be harmless but one resulted in a really freaky experience) and I do work with Tarot and oracle decks, but not extensively. I once performed a spirit summoning ritual because I came across my friends struggling with it, but I made stuff up and to be honest I don’t know much about evocation or invocation and I definitely am very skeptical about Grimoires written by man. Plus I don’t feel the need to perform rituals to ask spirits to manifest in my plane of existence, as I find it too risky. In short I’m too cautious to be a magician. Why am I here? Because spirits and demons are a large part of my life, whether I like it or not. ( I absolutely like it now) I don’t intend to learn witchcraft, please forgive me if you find this post out of place. I just want to tell my stories because I’ve been lonely keeping all of it inside.
I just dream of higher beings a lot, ever since I was young. I spaced out a lot as a child and was never truly “there”. I grew up in Asian culture, but when I was 12, Artemis the Goddess often came to my dream and she gave me her symbol, which I still keep closeby, even though I’ve graduated from her patronage (you can guess: I’m female). I was also shown, by the goddesses, temples and places that I still don’t know whether truly exist, but as I grew up I heard of similar architectures in the Middle East and Turkey. I’ve never been there and wonder if I could find the places I saw one day. That was my youth. I prayed to the Greek Gods and thought I’d go to them when I die. But as I grew up, my connection with them weakened.
I don’t have normal sleep paralysis, but rather encounters with some very creepy beings. I could list them out on a whole separate post. I hated the Hecatonchires, and an invisible man that kept trying to dominate me, the most.
Sometimes though, I closed my eyes and would feel someone pulling the mattress off my bed, and pulling it on a stream of water. I wasn’t scared at all and would never open my eyes and disrupt him. Now that I think back, that could have been Crocell. I miss that.
One night - I was in the UK then and I was 19. I had a dream. I was hunted by demons sent by a demon king, Astaroth. I had a kind of holy power that I couldn’t use directly but could grant others to help me. But in the end it was revealed to me that I was alone and my trusted friends were illusions created from my very own powers, which tricked even me. I stood on top of a tower, facing Astaroth’s coming storm. I saw his silhouette from afar, he was riding some flying creatures. That was when he spoke into my mind his name and I was overcome with fear. More fear than I had ever imagine. Pure fear without reasons. I woke up and something vibrated next to me (there was nothing there) and a cat meowed by my window before jumping off. It was 3AM. (I swear, don’t stay up until 3AM. My body always feels suddenly out of place at exactly 3 if stay up.)
I hated the creeps that visited me before, but I never felt too much fear, but rather disgust, frustration or annoyance. I was gutsy and I would yell at the ghosts so that they let me sleep.
But Astaroth was different. He was out of my league and I instinctively feared him, while feeling like he was sending a message. As I woke up I could only tremble and ask “Why me?”. I knew of Astaroth’s name before, but really almost nothing about Goetia demons or fallen angels or Abrahamic mythology. I got on my computer and started reading about them the next day (no internet at night! My boarding school was strict)
I had waited for Astaroth to come back. I gathered all of my best dream-world warriors and waited in my dream, but he never showed up again. I never got to ask why he came to me. I realized I actually longed to see him.
My experience with Astaroth ended there, but he brought me to the world of the demons. I read a lot on the 72, on Lucifer, on God and all that stuff, and the origin of each name, and other mythologies of the ancient world. I have Astaroth to thank.
And I dreamt of them too, mostly very suddenly and even when I hadn’t been thinking of them. I was very very fond of Lucifer and had a lot of respect for him and in my thoughts he was like a brother/father figure. Apparently that was insolent of me. He really scared the shit out of me when he appeared to me, as he told me not to be overly familiar. I slipped from him and ran like hell. Now I still love him and I would admire him from afar every time he appears together with Belial, but he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, so so be it. Very charismatic being, with tremendous and heavy energy.
Belial. I thank Astaroth for guiding me (in his unique fashion), so that I could meet Belial. Of course I never worshipped or worked magick with him. He was just somehow my favorite demon. I saw him a few times in my dreams, but never got close. I knew better to just waltz in and say hello to a notorious demon king, one known to be a manipulator (I’m not a magician, i wasn’t gonna take any chance for the sake of curiosity).
Well he still ended up talking to me anyway. Belial looks as though he would be cold and arrogant, but he’s surprisingly approachable. He speaks in a down-to-Earth manner, and is generally not scary at all. Except for when he’s in a party mood, I’m not going to talk about it here. I was never going to make any pact and he seemed to respect that. For a few years I would see him now and then, without establishing any kind of special relationship. I guess it was a kind of friendship. And we remained friendly even as I was being chased by angry yelling demons (it was my fault btw and it was scary, but funny too).
Then depression hit me in real life and I really needed someone to lean on. I decided to rely on Belial. He understood me. I knew it was risky to get too close to such a demon, but I didn’t have anything to lose. It was either opening my heart to him or being crushed by my own thoughts.
I wouldn’t say he helped me recover, but at least he helped me get through the worst. He also helped me ward off the creepers. And after I became honest to him, I realized how irreplaceable he was. Tbh he was not always chill. Sometimes he seemed weighed down by thoughts, and sometimes he brought with him concerning changes in the environment, like the red of blood. I’m pretty sure the powerful demons are not all on good terms. But I felt better just to see him. We made a promise to be companions no matter what.
I was infatuated with Belial before, but slowly, I really fell in love with him, and he reciprocated it. There was a ritual of union and I had to pass through a trial, fighting off some demons etc and ascending from a fleshy pit, only to be ganged up on by a bunch of winged demons, before Belial came to establish his absolute dominance. That was one messed up ritual, in my view. But the idea is, I think I’m basically married to him. There were also 2 or 3 angels there to witness.
I was happy but then I had a big problem: What about my real life?
I never summoned demons to ask for help. I didn’t want to devote my life to the occult. I’m just a dazed human being going about her daily struggles. I enjoy my connection to the higher, but it’s hard to live when your significant other is in another realm and you don’t even know if you can see them when you want to.
I struggled with this for a while and decided to break up with Belial (I don’t think I can revert the ritual so it’s more a separation than divorce). I slowly became depressed again, although my life was going okay. But I was very miserable inside and felt like my life was going nowhere. A year passed and I was lost. I didn’t even have the face to call for Belial. But I cried myself to sleep that night and saw him again. He came to remind me of the first time we talked, when none of the more complicated stuff even came to our minds, and that I would never be alone, and things will be okay.
I woke up and found the strength to get on the plane and go back where I have to be. And after that someone suddenly came to me, who loved me and since then I have been helped by a lot of people. It might be just a coincidence, but I always feel in my heart that Belial had led them to me.
I tried to talk to Belial again, and he insisted I should just live my life and not bother with him, which made me sadder than I thought. I won’t go into details, but right now I have reunited with him and I’m never running away again. I’ve run away a lot of times, and he’s forgiven me. I know I’m not a magician and I don’t have a working relationship with any of the demons, and this all sounds like a soap opera. But for what it’s worth, I’m holding on to this. I believe all the encounters in the past were to prepare me for this relationship.
I don’t know how everyone manages the duality of your lives. I’ve always struggled to know where I am, I’ve felt hopelessly constraint by my own body and I many times just wanted to become a priest or something. But now I won’t let my nights interfere with my days, because I don’t want anyone to tell me that Belial is bad for me. I had never asked something of him and he had never asked anything of me, beside each other’s company.
I see that some people on this forum also have a relationship of different kinds with Belial. I just want you to know that I respect all of you a lot. I can’t evoke him at will, but if you do see him, I wish that the experience be pleasant for both of you.
Also if you see Astaroth, please offer him my thank. Just say the girl who faced him in Bromsgrove.
Ah, right, my username, that’s the meaning of the name Belial chose for me.
Thank you for reading my story. I’d be happy to tell you about Belial or other spirits I have met, or any of my other experiences, as long as it’s something appropriate to share.
So far I’ve seen: Artemis, Hera, Astaroth, Lucifer, Jesus, God (Jehova), Leviathan (I looked from her POV) and Belial among the well-known. If you’d count Hecatonchires too, although I don’t think it’s sentient enough to hold a conversation.
There are minor spirits and lesser demons I’ve come into contact with via dreams, but I don’t think their names are recorded anywhere. I do have the habit of asking for their names, but most are just really hard to spell so I usually give them my own version of their names.