This will serve as a little escape to divulge books and influences I’ve encountered throughout my life and in time for another big bang. I like to call my awakenings big bangs given how much of a paradigm shift occur. I’ve always been interested in all things spiritual since I was a little kid. When I was 11, I had my first big bang. Fast forward to 14, I encountered two of my most lasting influences- Sri Aurobindo Ghose and Xavier Zubiri, people of vastly different backgrounds but basically said the same things- Humanity is an ever-becoming expression of God, and we are all evolving towards a tipping point, which Aurobindo calls Supramentalization, the point where humanity essentially is divinized by the triple transformation- of mind, then spirit, and finally body.
Fast forward to 2012, I entered into the occult through the Tarot and Aleister Crowley’s Thoth to boot. The deck is my favorite although I have come to own others. From there I developed an interest in Enochian, Angelic, and Thelemic workings. I also branched off into the Runes, pendulums, Rosicrucianism, Martinism MesoAmerican spirituality, and Kabbalistic traditions. My mind is like Hegel’s, always trying to synthesize everything and from my experiences, I feel like I’m getting close but was missing something. I was missing actual practice.
Since 2012, I’ve only done a few workings and lo and behold, they have worked out. But it scares me, I have .a psychological block of exercising my will to change my destiny. I have felt more like a witness, a recorder, to see how everything else evolves while denying myself unless brought in. Couple this with a few unfortunate events, I became a broken person.
Now in my Saturn Return, I have developed a new found appreciation for the things that I despised. Self-abnegating philosophies have their place but only when you are in a position to help others unconditionally for their fulfillment. I had thought I reached the top of the Maslow’s 8 step hierarchy (Transcendence, where you help others to gain self-actualization). Rather, I stagnated and regressed, becoming a shell of my former self. Not wanting to impose on others, not wanting to disrupt the pre-established harmony until I had to interact with the world, I had reduced what I could be to just taking space.
Come this year, I am in a moment of renewal, having found new found inspiration through the LHP. As I read the books I’ve recently bought from Daemonic Dreams and Miskatonic, I feel a new surge in self-worth and don’t think twice on disrupting the world. It’s my life and I must live it my way. I’ll share more in the coming days about what I mean about the Clasped Hand Path. It is an idea I got from a few books and my personal approach to magick.