My journal

[Kish]

Preface: I never journaled before and don’t know if I’m doing this right and don’t know if I’ll continue this. If I continue it my entries will likely be sporadic and few and far between. If I’m doing it wrong, we’ll I did say I’ve never journaled before so please be patient and understanding as I’m new to this journal stuff.

Ok so here goes…

Last night I was chilling in my bedroom and decided to try something I hadn’t done before. I decided to listen to lucifers enn looking as his sigil.

So I’ve never really done anything like that before and the result was unusual to say the least. (Well I did try once before but nothing happened that time).

So I might have been doing it right the sigil seemed to as people here call it ‘flash’ while I was looking at it trying to meditate on it all the while sorta thinking not thinking about Lucifer. The arms on the sigil seemed to flicker lighter and darker and um not exactly disappear but um sorta go in out brighter/paler darker/stronger if I’m describing what I experienced right (it was more then 12 hours ago and I’m trying to remember back to it from well actually about 15 hours later now).

So when the enn ended I was sorta decided to look at the ceiling and I sorta saw in my minds eye against the celing a firey angel figure seen from a distance. When I closed my eyes the image became clearer but I was still seeing it at a distance and couldn’t make out any features though I had an impression of the fire angel having horns. I couldn’t see them clear just sorta as a brighter light at the side and top of where it’s head was. My impression was they were ram horns or of that shape but the figure was so distant I can’t be sure.

I’m wondering if I did something right and made a sort of contact with Lucifer or not.

Did he show himself to me is what I’m wondering. What do you think?

The closest picture I could find online to the appearance of the firey angel was this one

I know Lucifer is supposed to be originally a seraphim angel (fire angel ) so I wondered did I make contact with my first meditation attempt? Um correction first meditation attempt to mediate on Lucifer and his enn. I have lots of times sorta meditated to music to chillax but never had any experiences like this doing those meditations.

It wasn’t scary I couldn’t really feel anything other then I was relaxed. My main feeling seeing the firey angel was “cool”

Then I sorta roused myself after a few minutes and the image left my mind and was not in my room or anything.

So basically I’m left wondering did I meditate successfully? Did I make contact with Lucifer? Or did I dream or daydream the whole thing.

So this is my first ever attempt at a journal entry I don’t know if I’m doing it right and I’m still wondering what happened yesterday during my meditation whether it was real or I dreamt it.

I don’t think I dreamt it but maybe I daydreamed it or imagined the whole thing.So ends my first ever journal entry (with me still trying to figure out what happened yesterday).

-end first entry-

Edit add: in the image there was no crown thing on the firey angel I saw in my minds eye (just to clarify) and the figure was too distant to make out legs or arms on it. How I could make out horns was they were a much brighter yellow white against the rest of the firey figure.

[Veil]

Sounds like successful contact to me and if I may pray chime in with some unsolicited advice, I would say that when it comes to the occult, youre better off believing yourself over others. Was it meaningful to you? If yes then it has meaning; if you’re unsure if it’s an imposter or not, there are ways of dealing with that. But experience has taught me it’s better to sidle right up to the line of delusion and live there, instead of questioning paranormal experiences. It builds your faith.

[Kish]

@Veil Yes it was meaningful to me. Felt sorta like the angel I was seeing was showing up to confirm what my tarot told me that Lucifer would like to work with me just like I’d like to work with him.
Like he was confirming it for me.

Edit spell fix tarot to tarot from my phone saying taint.

[Kish]

Entry 2

So yesterday I didn’t get around to any meditation or anything. Not to excuse it, it was so stormy that I ended up letting the weather and weather alerts and a fam member distract me.

Learned 1 thing from that though, that I really need to work on not letting distractions distract me.

Well actually I learned 2 things, not to let distractions distract me was the first of the 2 things.

The second is I need to find a way to be in a part of of where I live where it’s hard for others to distract me as well.

I did try to start meditating but between fam members hollering asking questions at me even when I had gone to a dif room to be by myself to try meditating; and the weather with all the thunder booming and crackingi didn’t meditate.

I ended up letting myself get distracted and didn’t actually do any meditating.

In fact the whole thing ended up being the opposite of peace and calm and meditations and left me frustrated mostly at the interruptions from fam yelling questions and other stuff at me from another room (with them yelling without thinking maybe I wanted time by myself to chillax).

I’m hoping today will turn out better (still high chance of thunderstorms and even higher of family interruptus). Guess I’ll just have to work on not getting distracted and on restarting if I do instead of getting frustrated and mad and stopping if today’s weather or fam start distracting me when I’m attempting to meditate.

Mostly I gotta work on restarting meditations if I get family interruptus instead of quitting from frustration (and anger over the interruption).

Edit add: think maybe I’ll try reset if or when it happens by taking a coffee or tea break then trying to restart if or when distractions happen today. Maybe a herbal tea, I do have a couple types that have been hanging around.

May add another entry later or tomorrow to say if I meditated successfully and if there were any results.

2nd edit add: if you didn’t guess I’m new to meditating but it’s not that I haven’t tried a couple times before but not counting doing it with headphones & music it never took because I’d get interrupted get mad at the interruptions and give up. It’s possible fam tried interrupting when I had headphones on & gave up cuz I didn’t answer but without music & headphones any time I’ve tried I’d get interrupted and give up on it. So result = still new to meditating.

[Kish]

Ok so yesterday I meditated but it wasn’t very successful I kept getting distracted.

Today? Haven’t meditated yet.

I just got Rites of Lucifer delivered today and am just starting to read it (tore open the shipping packaging it came in just moments ago.

If your reading this journal and have used Rites of Lucifer or Awakening Lucifer, which I also ordered but isn’t expected to arrive til Friday, I’d love to know your experiences with it/them.

I think I’ll mediate later but first I gotta check out my new purchase.

[Kish]

Entry 4

Meditated.

It went well until I was interrupted.

Enjoyed reading over Rites of Lucifer (to see how useful it’s gonna be to be).

It remains to be seen if my conclusion with regards to its usefulness or lack thereof is correct or not. I’m not telling what I think about it yet though. Rest assured I’ll tell you if I found it useful at a later date dear reader.

Not quite ready to do any of the rituals from the yet. It’s not they’re difficult but I’ve only managed to open a sigil once so far with no repeat successes.

Think I’ll wait a bit to try the rituals (wait until I have begun to open sigils and meditate consistently).

It shouldn’t take too long to develop consistency and get more successes under my belt.

Think I’ll keep entries into this journal brief for now (just notes about meditations and successes or lack thereof) for now (since there’s not really much to say about those things yet) starting next entry.

They say it takes on average 28 days to create a new habit so it’ll probably be at least that long before my entries become longer or more detailed again.

I’m expecting Awakening Lucifer to be delivered tomorrow. Can hardly wait.

So…

End entry

Edit add: When I typed end entry I was reminded of Star Trek. Almost feel like I’m making a log as in Captain’s log star date… (but but without the star date).

[Kish]

Been trying to meditate today without much luck. My allergies are acting up. I’ve got itchy hives. Took Benedryl but it takes a while to work. Bottom line: hives are NOT conducive to meditating.

So… here’s me waiting to stop being itchy so I can meditate and chillax.

This following is not political it’s about a tarot prediction (later if this website lets me reply to myself I’ll give a yes or no on if the tarot was right about its prediction). I asked it about our election. Im only gonna tell if it predicted right, and I’m not gonna talk anything political.

I asked my tarot about was the outcome of the Canadian federal election that’s happening today (summary of the cards was they said change change and entrepreneur based on the cards meaning in the book).
So it looks like someone else who’s not Trudeau may win. That’s all. I will not discuss politics all I’m just gonna tell if it predicted correctly

As to the outcome of the tarot cards there’s still almost an hour and a half til the polls close so I likely won’t know til tomorrow and as I said I’m not gonna discuss politics just gonna say if my tarot predicted it correctly or not.

My tarot is usually accurate. Time will tell if the trend continues as will my answer.

[Kish]

So… tarot cards. Not great at predicting elections. Unless they were giving a local Ward prediction as opposed to predicting the federal one. The votes aren’t finished being counted yet but they already had called the victor by 11pm Justin Trudeau. Him re-elected is not a change. Won’t get local results til tomorrow probably. Sooo… the verdict? Tarot cards cannot predict elections reliably (if it predicted local instead? That’s still not what I asked it so… not reliable at predicting election outcomes. So…the moral of the story is don’t bother trying to predict them with your tarot deck.

Also, it ended up I didn’t go back to trying to meditate tonight.

Edit add: polls closed @ 9:30 pm results called at 11 pm if your curious auto how slow or quick they called it. It was a quick call. A bit quicker then normally.

And I’m gonna go to bed soon as it’s almost 3am as I’m typing this.

[Kish]

So… today started off a bit c r a p p y

Toilet needs a new stopper

Mom kept me up til 330 am fussing about it

Mom woke me up to fuss some more about it at 7 am

So I’m a little cranky and tired and I gotta go shopping for a stopper and this week most of my shifts are closings. So I won’t be able to go to be early cuz tonight I have to work til 11pm.

I probably won’t be able to take a cat nap this afternoon cuz I almost never get uninterrupted time in the afternoon.

I’m hoping today when I’m at work that it will be slow and I won’t have to deal with customers much.

You know why they call them customers right? Cuz they cuss ter me and they cuss ter you. A little side humour there for you dear reader. A retail joke I made up quite a while back kinda a inside joke really.

Doubt I’ll get much meditating done today even though I think I need to do some given I’m outa sorts from interrupted sleep. If I do probably will fall asleep in the middle of it. Cuz I just know that’s the kind of day it is.

On top of that found out with this months deluxe subscription to decibel that it was in the mail chute without the wrapper on it or flexi disk in it (unless mom lied and opened it herself) so this is turning out to be one heck of a c r a p p y day.

Also moms talking about wanting to change her dental appointment.

So dear readers wish me luck and well today (you don’t have to wish it in a reply here just send it as good vibes through the air in my general direction) I’ll need all the luck I can get especially later so I don’t fall asleep on breaks at work or get cranky with the customers.

Meanwhile… gotta go shopping for a toilet stopper.

And if I don’t fall asleep trying to later gonna try and meditate (the way today’s going though I’m halfway afraid I’m gonna fall asleep and end up late for work if I try meditating though).

Anyways may try and update later after work just to let us all know I survived today😉

[Kish]

So…. I survived my previous entry’s day and subsequent days since (obviously).

Now… has it really been 14 days since my last entry? Sorry bout that.

Now….

I’m doing a very very long journal entry about 1 hell o a bad day and it’s following day being much better by comparison

I hope you read it through my dear readers

I had quite the day last Thursday (October 7th). Work was ok. Worked the close shift. That went ok but afterwards oooh boy. Got home around 1130 found out I’d forgotten my keys sooo

Mom was home but she wasn’t feeling well when I left. Sooo

I was calling the house and banging on the door over and over like bang bang bang loud as I could (after getting no response to my normal knock that I use if I’m bringing home stuff and have my arms so full I can’t open the lock).

I was also phoning (it’s a landline) over and over and over phone answer machine picks up hang up dial as soon as the line frees again.

Over and over.

I was extremely concerned because she wasn’t feeling well when I had to go to work and moms very old and she wasn’t responding at all.

I was afraid something had happened. I got so concerned I even dialled up the local hospital to make sure she hadn’t called 911 to get taken there.

Then I went back to banging and phoning

No answer.

I tried calling a lot and banged a lot. So then I ended up calling 911 to ask for a welfare check for her in our house cuz I was afraid maybe she was too sick to get up or had fallen or something. I did that (asked for a welfare check because she’s in her 90s) and because I had no keys to get in and to get in I’d either have had to look up and call a locksmith at after 11:30pm or break in if she didn’t answer (

Also I didn’t want neighbours calling in suspicious activity thinking I was trying to burgle my own home if I had to break in to get in, and if there actually was a problem they could call an ambulance (my battery was in the red zone almost dead) and I’d have someone with me with them there on a wellness check.

So it seemed like forever between getting home at around 1130-ish pm (with a post work snack that she could eat hers for lunch next day). I’m not sure when I called 911 maybe 20 to 12 it felt like forever between calling and the cops getting to my place around 10 minutes to 12am.

So after knocking looking around the house to see if there might be a way in they banged on her window and she got up seeming kinda confused at first to the cops.

Then after a few minutes she got up and came to the door and she was kinda confused probably because she was SOUND ASLEEP in spite of my banging and banging on the door and ringing and ringing the phone.

So…. She was ok. She put me through a hell of worry but she was ok. (She’s not usually a heavy sleeper BUT this time SHE Managed to SLEEP through at least 15 or 20 calls and me banging and banging on the door).

I started this journal entry Friday Oct 8 then had to go do something saved it to draft and forgot to finish it until today (Oct 10th).

It goes without saying but I didn’t get to meditate after work on the 7th but I’ll say it anyway.

Anyhow moms ok but boy oh boy what a night that was.

At least I had 1 sorta good thing happen right before that event that turned it almost into the night from hell. When I went through the drive through right before the no answer stuff went down their interact wouldn’t take my card and the people in the drive thru gave me the food free (in the no answer fiasco I spilled the drink but… I didn’t lose/hadn’t wasted any money cuz all the food was free including the drink I never got to drink that spilled.

After all that on Friday I was dead tired probably mostly from the stress the night before and I forgot to finish my entry.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in Canada and although the store I work at is open I’m off tomorrow (but I do gotta go shop tomorrow for groceries so I’m still gonna end up at the place I work I just won’t be working when I’m there I’ll just be picking up groceries (at Walmart).

Also: moms tooth’s still an issue but she’s decided to get it done ( hope this emoji really means doubt because I’m doubtful she’ll go through with getting it pulled any time soon, she’s still procrastinating on getting her first dose of the vaccine).

Though I better finish my 1am Friday entry up and let you in on how my day that seemed ok ended so awful and the next day started good.

Ended badly because I didn’t get in the house til 12:10 am meaning that literally Thursday (the 7th) ended with the issue still in the middle of being resolved with me still locked out BUT Friday started out by turning out good and well and a happy relief BECAUSE SHE WAS OK
And I got to get in the house

This weekend has been uneventful by comparison (happily so).

So until next journal entry …,

-outie-

[Kish]

Gonna make an entry about president Marbas healing me (thought it’d be brief but it turned out it’s a pretty long journal entry below).

So I did dumb shit at work a while back injured my leg. It seemed to get better. Then after filling in for the bosses vacation and working a LOT more hours it appeared I had aggravated that older injury or reinjured my knee.

It was bad my knees mainly the left were hurting bad and my legs. The knee was hot and painful to the touch the pain was making me limp it’d get so bad that I’d have a shooting pain so bad I’d gasp and have to stop moving dead in my tracks depending on what I was doing at times especially when I’d go to sit down on a chair. Pain going through normal motions everyone takes for granted like when going to sit down. So my knee and leg was fucked. Badly. Even my taking a day or more off didn’t make the pain go away.

So I had a President Marbas magickally charged healing crystal I’d got a while back and when I remembered it and found it and I made a verbal petition to president Marbas asking for healing using the crystal as a communication channel to ask for healing.

He came to me in a dream and agreed to heal me I promised to give him public thanks and recognition (here) on BALG for his healing.
Then I woke up remembering the conversation. That he said he’d heal me and I said I’d give public thanks for it.

The healing must have started immediately after our conversation because now approximately 3 days later give it take a few hours Im like feeling 10,000 times better and healed. Couple hours ago I thought it was 1000 times better but my knee and leg have even improved again since my public thanks on the thank you thread.

I have full range of motion back and virtually no pain! though I am getting a full twinge if I move the limb/joint in certain ways but no shooting stabbing gap-making pains severe enough to stop my in mid motion.

It’s probably gonna be completely healed in a matter of hours as if it was never hurt at the pace he’s healing it . He’s just that good at healing.

I’m so much better and it’s all thanks to the great healer dr President Marbas! Yay Marbas! Greatest healer ever!

So in closing this entry up I just gotta say

THANK YOU PRESIDENT MARBAS
FOR HEALING ME!

YOU ARE THE GREATEST!

[Kish]

So… I have had a bit of a rough couple weeks. A couple weeks ago I slipped on ice in the freezer at work and although I caught myself and didn’t fall in the process I rehurt the leg that got healed.

It’s a real bitch. Tender to the touch and gives shocks of pain again depending on how I move. All the good healing work done by president Marbas undone by me having a stupid mishap at work.

Ive also been having down moods. Might be the weather, might be the leg issue bumming me out, I just dunno. I’m hoping it’s not a psychic attack from an enemy. I doubt that it is, it’s just rough being in a mega downer mood.

Update on mom: she’s doing ok dental wise though she’s still a bit bothered because she had 2 issues and only 1 got fixed. She’s still gotta get around to getting the rough edge of the filling smoothed (that’s the second issue. Totally less serious then the first, and she’s easier to live with cuz it doesn’t bug her so bad like the one that had to be pulled. She does however have a mole or something that got scratched that’s bugging her.

So I haven’t been meditating much I just haven’t felt like it cuz of the pain and moods.

Haven’t felt this mood thing in 4 or 5 years, which is why for a short second I wondered if it was a psychic attack of sorts. However I doubt it is. Most( likely it’s leg pain + dreary weather + missing work a couple days from the pain or something like that). I don’t know if any enemies might be doing anything. I sincerely doubt it. Not saying I don’t have enemies I am aware of 1. The lady who’s sueing me and my mom were and it’d be kinda counterproductive if she was doing something.

So I’m fighting a bit of depression and dealing with some pain and frustration over having reinjured the left leg. Not that the rights ok but the right isn’t bothering me anywhere near as much as the left leg.

Don’t worry about my moods however cuz I’ve been through wise mood wise so I’ll just do my best to hang tough til it passes.

I did 1 thing today though I played abut on my guitar. Not occult related but just including it to show I’m not rock bottom mood wise.

I’m supposed to work a 9am I’m debating calling in (I don’t want to but my knees bugging me). About it: taking time off hasn’t helped but i don’t wanna make it worse but at the same time I don’t wanna miss so much work that I lose the job. So rock meet hard place. Work risk making it worse or don’t work risk getting fired for unreliability. I’m hoping it feels ok enough to work in the morning. Can’t pay bills if you don’t go to work after all.

Also I’m wishing there was something I could do to petition for healing but I can’t really do it right. Between no privacy and not seeing hearing spirits it’s sorta out of my reach cuz I have no way of knowing if it’s accepted if I do do a petition.

Anyhow that’s my journal update. Tc and keep well my readers.