Before I get onto this post I realize just now auto correction was giving the wrong name when I wrote my last post. Then again it was early in the morning Iv also spent some time thinking rather or not to post this but I feel be good.
So when I made his sigil I had this really odd connection immediately. I just felt it pour from it and to me. For some reason I all the sudden had this urge to draw roses under his sigil. This would be the first time anyone wanted a specific thing drawn with their sigil. I had this image then of lush red roses growing from these deep green bushes that grew around this garden like area. It was covered in droplets of water and the air still slightly misty with light haze that was in the morning light air. As I came to I drew out the roses to the best of my abilities and felt happy.
After I got done with this I got ready for my first evocation to him.
So technicality this be my first evocation to Azazel. Despite him coming to me in the past, this be my real first time coming to him.
I grabbed three black candles, a red candle (my main evocation candle), his sigil and some incense. I only have frakensence and dragons blood.
I lit the three black candles that I put into a triangle formation around his sigil. I looked at it in a bit of uncertainty. I really wasn’t sure if I was ready. Not that I was afraid but simply knowing once I did this, this may take me to the next step of my journey. I sat there for a while, at times making a attempt to get the lighter only to stop. This be the first time me feeling this way. All the others, even ones completely unknown, I was exited or at ease. But with him, I felt completely different. I felt there was no pressure at all but there was a eager feel to the room. I finally got to the point I grabbed the lighter and lit the candle. I breath deeply and focus on my breathing. I lit the incense as a offering then started to evoke him. But then something happened. I laughed. I laughed SO hard. Out of nowhere I felt like I heard the FUNNIEST thing in the world. I try to calm and focus but to no avail. Eventually I was able to talk I stated how I needed to be serious and how I didn’t want to waste his time. I started to calm down and did my evocation with out anything more happening. I closed the ritual and thanked him for coming I definitely felt a more closeness with him. As I went to bed some time in the night I left like some one reached into my chakras and started to do something with them.
When I woke up the next morning I felt a bit different. My chest didn’t feel as heavy. As I walked outside to get to the main part of the house (I am renting a guest house) I then had this knowing that he wanted me to get more connected to the Earth and it’s energy.
I had this desire to go and find more info on him and when I found this, this honestly made so much sense as to some of my experiences I had with him.
Since this time I have felt different but in a good sense. Even though I feel a lot is coming out of me, most likely finally starting to release some of my old wounds but also making me a bit moody right now, I look forward to my second evocation tonight to him.
That sounds great! It really does feel good when you make contact and they “respond”. For me, it always feels soothing, warm, and a bit… passionate. But then again I have only been contacted by Seere and Leraje, so far
Keep it up and let us know about your progess.
That is too funny. Yeah sometimes I also feel this “hazy glow”. Weird but It’s the only way I can describe it. But that was only when I invoked Seere.
Yesss. I look forward to reading more.
So I did the evocation last night and it was quite interesting. But it went not according to what I had planned.
So originally I was going to basically talk about some stuff that I had on my mind and opening up some to let him know and possibly others know where I stand at this time.
So I set it up as I did last time and called on him. His presence how ever was light but I knew he was listening in. (I took this photo as soon as I felt his presence.) I then started to talk about some things that have been on my mind, especially the things about my most recent troubled thought. But I started to talk about what’s truly on my mind at that moment and I told them (felt more then just him in the room) of my aggravation towards somethings, such as me finding out the very beings and people in my life that I thought I could trust and felt I could open up basically wound up hurting me. As example my most recent even with my “friend” that I even saw as a sister I never had. How I opened up to not just her but other beings at the time to help heal my wounds that I carried for years in me only to be ripped back open and worse.
Out of my pure pain that I had, the bitterness coming out from my mouth and just the knowing that the very beings that I would have put my life in their hands has caused so much damage to my very soul, I basically snapped at the worse possible time. I normally keep it in, bottled up in me. Not wanting any of them to see me in such a state out of humiliation and basically the thought that it was weakness, a unnecessary problem to bring up. Yet another wound and unhealthy habit that I had developed. Being told to deal with it on my own, that it wasn’t that important to speak it out. That no one seemed to care about me being in pain. Then it over the time, developed into something I just held back. Seeing it as a burden as a weakness. Even to this moment I can still see their cold stare with a false smile, just starring at me saying that “Everything is going to be ok.” And how “I need to be happy and think positive.” I honestly just can imagine my self back then, those nights I would just be able to cry it out with only my blankets and myself to comfort my soul and ripped heart. That was exactly what came to the forefront of my mind. When I snapped. I started to yell, to bite the air. I started spit venom and worse yet I started to ask the forbidden questions. Ones that you would hear others not to ask. But at that point I cared less.
Despite me being in such a state, I felt them listening. I even cursed to the beings that did this to me. I honestly had zero care. I was sick and fed up with it. Then I did another no no. I started to question them. I started to question why they wanted to help me and if I could truly trust them. I started to curse every thing. All this pain that I kept inside just kept purring out of me. Then I said the one thing I knew at least to one individual wasn’t happy to hear and that was me stop evoking them. As soon as that left my mouth I did felt a really really tense spot to the left of me in towards the corner area next to the door. They were not in the corner, more so left of me slightly in front of me. I didn’t get a good reading of them, most likely from my state. But it has to be some one I have been working with. I ended the time with them stating again how I ment no true offense to anyone. But that I was tired of being toyed with. Now let me tell you something, never once did they ever seemed to have toyed with me. But I was tired of not knowing if the next second I’ll be abandoned or simply ignored.
I went to bed and laid down. Obviously I felt bad then for going all out but I still felt salty. I tired to sleep but it was extremely hard. I then knew I made a huge mistake. I cursed my self and my weakness. I honestly didn’t know what to do. So I laid there looking at the ceiling and basically laughed at how I totally just screwed up big time and how I didn’t get to tell him what I wanted to ordinarily wanted to tell him. I then I felt for some reason happy. I squint my eyes not understanding this. I turned on my side in a ball position facing my door to sleep then all the sudden I found my self on my stomach with my legs out and my arms just slightly above me. Despite this somewhat forced change, I was at peace and sighed.
I feel asleep only to see this one guy somehow on my small dresser smiling at me in this playful way then this dream came up with me sitting on the ground in some forest with my knees up and my head resting on them. Next to me was this person in a unexpected costume, a black ninja costume with a I’m guessing a katana (looked more like a small two handed normalize sword). His arms was crossed in front of him and his eyes just starring at me as I talked to him. Unfortunately I don’t know what I said. But I felt he was sent to me by someone possibly to see what all was going on or to deliver a message to me.
I woke up this morning honestly happy. Despite me still feel bad for what I had said. But I do feel a presence around me that I can feel as I write this post, starting to understand a bit more I think. Maybe I’m wrong and just a hopeful thought that I didn’t completely screwed over my relationships with them only because of some (forgive my language) ass hole people.
I am going to attempt to contact again tonight in hopes to try and mend this. I do hope that my posts will help others who possibly suffer the same or similar as I.