My expereince as of lately

Feels like I while ago that I started working with the demonic kings. But surely not too long. We would argue, they would get pissed at me, sometimes they were refreshed by resistance. Often they would look like there is method to their madness. At times demons even seem to be in conflict with one another. But I digress. I went to try and invoke Belial one day, and got pissed, not knowing that it had worked. But the last time I tried to invoke him, as soon as I woke, I wanted to purge him out of me, for I am the only consciousness whom I trust whole-heartedly. They have a round-about-way of teaching me, but they’re also the only spiritual beings with the decency to answer me. When I started working with them it was so spontaneous. I was trying to draw their powers that I already had in my possession into fruition. While I was performing the ritual to understand and implement their qualities by bringing them out of myself, I guess they picked up on my desires and appeared to me. I would have been happy with just the change in consciousness and hyper-clarity that I had experienced that night. But no, the beings themselves came. And I didn’t know it but that night was just the beginning. Fast forward to now, I’ve been under suspicion that no spirit is going to get me to the level I want to be. That they all just want me to be their bitch. Like the Christians are Gods bitch. I don’t know any humans who I would let posses me. Are spirits so much better than us? If were all a separate piece of God, why the hell go back to being God? God is clearly a terrible person. I would never want to go back to being that cruel, sadistic, and clearly fucked up in the head. Trying to stay on track, but in a sense I feel like I’m doing so…How do we know we can trust ANY spirit? I have turned away from these spirits at least twice. Been ready to many times. It seems like they know Ill be back. I fuck with them now, but my willingness to be possessed has gone way down. It was hard to reverse the session and I miss the power, but reversing the possession was such hard work…I tend to drain myself with all these new practices I’ve taken up, but never have I been treated by a deity as at least as worthy as ‘demons’ have treated me of enlightenment and empowerment. But I’m god right, so what do I need help for? Not that I want a strictly reciprocal relationship spiritually anyway, but Id really like to better understand…like how do I see past the hells that I will be expected to increasingly endure, and trust that Im not just being pide-piped? How do I gain that clarity? I don’t trust, I always want verification, but I feel like I must be missing clarity to be so indecisive.

I take back them being the only who answer, I must include that there are others, but they I have also discovered through the occultists of Become A Living God. I mean before that even trees spoke to me, but I digress.

I see you still haven’t done an intro

What do you mean?

I just saw that you sent another reply in my astral self defense post, I’m really not trying to be lazy, but I don’t know what you mean by an intro. Work up to a post before posting with more background information about myself? Is there a self introductory process I’m just overlooking? I’m sure I’m overlooking plenty, Ill keep looking…

I posted the link for you click on it and post an intro

Okay, I see that I’ve neglected necessary attention to your first reply to me. My bad.

I think I have presented trick questions. Maybe just some variables I’m going to have to feel out and assess for myself as I go…May take a while, but I did invoke again last night.