This is going to be long but might just be a very interesting read for anyone interested in the LHP, and of course we each have our own path so what I experience might not translate at all to you.
Let me start with how my direction on the LHP has evolved, I’ve been on it for 3 years now and up until June of this year everything went painfully slow to say the least, I would just bounce around doing rituals, mantras, evoking, invoking various demons without much success with actual magic, they would however teach me a lot of things. All of this changed in June of this year when God started appearing to me in my dreams and then made an actual miracle manifest for me, in the form of someone coming into my life just for a few hours, telling me word for word what I had been told in a dream the night before and understanding perfectly what I felt inside at that moment, without me ever uttering a word, to put it simply it was as if God was speaking directly through this person. She also told me that there’s nothing to fear anymore and that for all the suffering I have felt in the first part of my life, I shall be rewarded in the latter part of it. After the experience I was left dumbfounded. But God also had a request for me, he wanted me to realize him, as in the form of meditation, he gave me the exact way to do that as well. He told me that everything is already written, as in you can’t change anything about your life no matter how hard you try, that everything is his will, this threw me off massively and left me uterlly powerless and depressed for a few months until I snapped out of it. Finally he showed me what both the LHP and realizing God entail, it was something along the lines of “You can choose to live trying to control the illusion or understand that everything is connected and there’s nothing to control.”
Then I started thinking about what to do, continue with the Demons or do what God wants and realize him, after two long months which I can only describe as the dark night of the soul I finally made my decision and went with the Demons based on the fact that I trust them and don’t trust God. The moment I took this decision I felt an overwhelming urge to just get up, stand in the middle of the room and do a kind of mudra where I touch both my arms together, thing that I did, my arms where shaking from all the power I felt while doing all of this.
Fast forward to three weeks ago, out of nowhere Lucifer comes into my life, tells me in a dream he’s going to posses me and that I should not be afraid or fight it. All fine and dandy, at least he gave me a heads up lol, eventually the time for this possession comes and he did as he said, I did a ritual I had never done before, automatically without even thinking anything, as Lucifer put it, this was my initiation ritual, over the next weeks I set up an altar for him, had candles burning all the time, did rituals daily at his direction, until the culmination with a gate opening ritual. I took the east, west, south, north gates of Lucifer, drew them on a piece of paper, charged each of them during the day and when night came I sat in the middle and opened the gates. During his time with me Lucifer was very adamant I do as he requests and made it very clear this work is going to provide me with bigger manifestation powers. He also gave me a clear list of meditations that I should do daily in order to advance.
Now here comes the tricky part, a few days ago I had like a revelation that Lucifer and this God that came to me are one and the same, not only this but also the fact that everything is already written, we can’t change fate, just like I was told in June. At this point I don’t know what to think or believe anymore, for this reason I have halted everything related to LHP and spirituality, I no longer have a direction. This however has not kept Lucifer or God trying to get me back on the train, every single day I’m directed to start again, to which I have said “no” so far.
To be completely honest with you, the only thing that has kept me from proceeding is that realization about the determinacy of fate and the fact that with it my trust in both Lucifer and God was shattered beyond repair due to living some real nasty stuff over the course of my life, and ever since starting my spiritual journey 4 years ago all it has brought me is more suffering and despair. At the moment I see no point whatsoever in continuing down this path and I don’t even think I could force myself to do the meditations even if I wanted, it’s like I’m in a stasis.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading.