My beginning (my story and experiences)

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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Hello guys, this is Theó :heart:
I basically just started on this site two months ago and have been visiting it almost daily for expanding my knowledge, entertainment and just reading your experiences, thank you for sharing and inspiring me to do the same.

So I just wanted to share my story, experiences so far in my left hand path, kinda write them here to get them from my head and into the world and maybe get some feedback or opinions from you guys.

Prelude to the LHP;
As a child I was always the odd one out the one who was “unpopular” and “weird”, I was mostly bullied by the male kids in school I was very isolated most of my childhood, the most I remember regarding my mom at the early formative years was basically this line “I’m busy dont bother me”, my dad had me only every other weekend (I was a daddy’s girl) they split up when I was 4, then when I was 6 he went away to the norwegian army and then studied in England and came back when I was 11 with a new wife, my saving grace was my grandma that loved me and took me over the dad weekends when my dad was abroad she gave me so much love, food and attention.

I wasnt a very psychic kid in my opinion but I felt energies I remember “seeing”, feeling energies, I felt deeply with my heart and I could easily astral travel, step up from my body and watch myself sleep.

When I was around 11/12 years old I started having a super weird vision/imagination about a woman goddess in like a pyramid, I remember seeing the top of the pyramid it had those tops you see in the Mayan or south American ones, mind you I didn’t know about those ones at that time I was only aware of the egyptian ones with the typical pyramid shape and I remember thinking how weird it looked like that, anyway the goddess was at the top of this pyramid and there was this super long line of men waiting to be devoured by her but this wasnt involuntary in any way they were willingly coming to her to be devoured sexually and I could feel that this was pure love from both ends, I was super weirded out by this fantasy/imagination at the time and thought I was just a pre pubescent horny girl starting to fantasize about freaky things…I just recently found out there was a goddess that did exactly this so I’m thinking we are connected.

I also have a deep love for spiders I used to save them, collect them outside and inside and remember seeing them all over in the dark in my room as a child like they were highlighting the darkness with their red lights.

I was very drawn to dark things, magic and everything occult from a young age, and started going into everything I could find, as a teenager I was accused of being a witch so i just decided fuck it I will become the witch, did a few light spells.

Finally to the daemons;

(Coming soon)

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That was a very Thelemic vision of yours, very Enochian.
Have you heard of Babalon? She is a goddess of the Binah Sephira that kinda does that

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I recently accociated this goddess with the mayan one Tlazōlteōtl but in all honesty I have no clue who or what or which hahah. But thank you I now love this BABALON, I should add that Kali ma contacted me through automatic writing a few years back and only called herself MOTHER in all caps and later on Kali, so I definitely have an affinity for devouring goddesses.
Love you all you Mother Goddesses of destruction and rebirth!

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Asmodeus;
This is how I got into the left hand path, a few months ago I was preparing for sleep and felt something with me in the room and I asked in my head; “who is here?”
I heard very clearly “Asmodeus”… I was like…I dont know this name, wasnt into demons at all so I googled it, found the wiki and was like 0.0 oh nooo the demon king of lust is here in my room, gtfo! But then I found this forum through Google and have been slowly but surely opening my mind and perspective about these entities… I’m pretty sure he is my “guardian” demon.

Astaroth.
Also the same happened with Astaroth, heard the name a week after the contact with Asmodeus in my work and wasnt surprised that this was really a being that existed at this point… I can feel them and sometimes hear them but am still opening my other senses…

Dantalion;
was looking in the mirror and hating my body because I have been gaining weight in this year, so I was something like “who would want you and your too fat”
Then I heard a voice in my head say "I think you are sexy " and I was like “WHO?!”… “dantalion”… and ofc it makes sense why he would say that after reading about him and how he got in my head. Chuckles

Most recently I was thinking I wanted more knowledge and I felt and heard the name purson, I had seen his name on this forum but hadn’t read about him or anything so when I found out that he was the librarian and gave knowledge, so that was quite validating.

And many other entities and demons that have contacted me recently, but I had read about most of them, like Kali came through to me many years ago through automatic writing and I didn’t know about her at all either and googled her and fell deeply in love with her attributes and image.

Lilith also contacted me a few years ago briefly but I was afraid of her, didn’t want anything to do with her because of my fear and pushed her away… but that is okay, I will mend that.

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I had drawn the sigil of Buer on my palm and attempted to astral travel to him because he had told me he was waiting for me.
So as soon as I left my body there he was waiting for me as a humanoid lion or a human body with the head of a lion with no mane and quite morphed in a way but very appealing to me and kind, he was wearing a beautiful robe that was purple and gold, we hugged and we kissed once.
He had a small wooden carrying cage and in that cage he took out a hairless rat, gave it to me and it crawled on me while it was tickling me and I was laughing, so I’m taking this as he was giving me a familiar. I btw love rats and hairless animals… thank you Buer. :heart:

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Am working with Belial ever since I got the grimoire’s from Balg, here are a few fun encounters I want to share.

I heard him tell me that I was too “virtuous” haha wtf does that even mean…
I have seen him in a very weird cat form/s he had three eyes that had like super weird pupils that were red and his coat was matted and grey… not that cute but creepy.
Have also seen him hovering above me when I was trying to sleep in what I can only describe as an undead cat animated by him and his face can only be described as that alien thing in stranger things like he didn’t have a face it was just flaps of skin.
He told me he would make me a poem if I could tell him what my deepest fear was, I gave it a good shot but I’m guessing from the lack of a poem I guessed wrong…
I intentionally called him before going to sleep and asked him to meet me in the astral, he told me a few fun things, I asked if Angel’s were secretly arcons or evil… he whispered to me that most of the Angel’s are or were major dicks…I remember asking him if he had a soul like us humans do, he replied with a no but that they had something different and I couldn’t for the life of me understand, he told me demons have families and that he had a mother and a father and kinda implied he “aged” idno

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Marbas is my bro, I love him so much, I saw him clearly crawl to me on like lava rocks of something, very primal, like cant you walk in hell? Making a funny…
Anywho he was lean, tall, almost no body fat, remember his thigh muscles looking cut, had like a crown made of thorns and branches (without leaves) but the fancy kind like it was made of gold or bronze, the weird thing is… he left out his face! Its like he cut out his face! I dont know why?! Why? Is he ashamed of his face? Does he think I won’t like his face? Or is he simply protecting himself…this has happened like two times when I have seen him clearly, he told me he would reveal it to me… still…mhhhhh.
Still I love you Marbas!!!

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Astaroth…
Astaroth scared me…
Haha…
Have seen astaroth like a mixture of a male face and a skeletal face with red and a pained/angry expression… have been pushing him away because of fear and just the intensity of his energy…
Also yesterday I saw him with like a bulls skull in red looking down on me like he was either about to ram me or bowing his head to me… dont know which but it was a beautiful and vivid skull.

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I love your journal! Super interesting.

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Haha thank you, glad someone likes my weird incoherent ramblings!

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Took one gram of shrooms (cubensis) yesterday and took a bath, I felt/saw many things… I am very experienced tripper and slip into the “trip” with ease, usually comfort and do this only occasionally now to “center”, I could feel a certain death feeling, I invoked leviathan during this process as he helps alot with subconscious trauma and healing.

I could feel myself as a goddess in human form, felt much pain and constriction in my body… I could feel leviathan supporting me, I saw my shame, hate, self hate in my face in the mirror and my shadow side was there begging me to integrate and accept it… I told my(shadow)self I would promise to take care of me and love myself…
I went into a trans in the bathtub, eyes rolled back, saw skulls, snakes around my goddess self… I was speaking tounges which I could understand emotionally not verbally.
I knew I was dying again… emotionally.
After the bath I saw myself in the mirror and Allah was trying to speak through me like he was saying from a first perspective that I was him, I was like no! I’m myself! Not you! I am strong! get out of me now! He has frequently been trying to channel through me… I thought I was him at one point but not anymore, I remember saying to myself intuitively that I was a queen of the underworld…
Then I laid in bed and felt Leviathan asking me if he could “suck the poison out of me” I could feel him activating my root chakra and go into my sacral chakra. I could feel him latch on and suck some of my trauma out… I heard words my father had told me when I was three… very hurtful words, that no one should say to a toddler.
After wards I felt lighter and felt I could connect better to my sacral chakra, I thanked him and fell asleep, I should mention how I saw him in my minds eye… kinda like a leech/dragon/catfish he had like two antlers from the sides of his mouths when he was coming to me.
Anyways, belial was also there leaning on me, the whole energy was dark and heavy but I’m not opposed to it in anyway.
I felt like belial was leaning a little to heavily on me so I told him “can the fat cat get of me” haha because I have seen him alot like a cat… he got off me… I love him and gave him a shot of whiskey.
I want to thank leviathan and am looking forward to working with him.

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I heard my shadow say: “I am not afraid of dying…I’m afraid of living” that made me cry for it rings true for me.

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I love that. I actually just heard someone say the exact same thing in a meeting I was in last month…“I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of living.” It hit me hard. Made perfect sense, and I had no idea that was my truth. :pray:

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Update; lost my job and shortly after Bael called my in a lucid dream and at this point I can only hear them not see them in the astral so everything was black but I greeted him knowing who he was, I bowed and said “hello Lord Bael” feeling insecure about myself I asked him “what do you see when you look at me, my king”
And he answered “I see a sorceress” … made me happy and my self esteem better… thank you.