Honestly fuck your boss. Find a new job. It’s not impossible. I believe in the power of poverty, but come on, I thought you were a goddess? Get it together woman. I just read through your entire journal, and there is a common theme here – you reach a certain point in your growth before you fall back down again. You won’t let yourself be exposed to your own true power. Its time to take the plunge and stop half-assing your magick and dive deep into your full potential. You got this! Just do it man.
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Beautiful, smart, and powerful – don’t let it go to waste!
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Your right I’m afraid of my full potential.
Thank you 
Guess it’s time to get to work then.
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That’a girl! I believe in you!
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Thank you 
it means a lot when someone believes in you. 
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I go looking for Set …
I find him in the front room the entrance into his domain. He sitting on a throne deep in thought.
I walk in hop on his lap facing him. I rub my fingers across his forhead.
I ask him what he’s thinking about?
He says just stuff.
Well stop thinking so much, I say. It’s wrinkling your forhead.
But guess what?
What?
I have the most amazing idea ever!
Really?
Really.
So you should go build a temple.
What?
Yea totally.
Why?
Ummm… because your god and that’s what gods do they go build temples… set up shop.
Really?
Really.
And I have the perfect idea for it. Your gonna love it!
Oh?
Yes you should rebuild the temple of the monkey god.
The temple of the monkey god?
Yes it’ll be awesome.
Why?
Because it was our first trip in the circle, remember, being chased by the monkeys gaurding the temple?
Look it up… the white city, temple of the monkey god … Honduras. But you can’t rebuild it in Honduras or at least that specific area cause there’s a flash eating thing there. Maybe somewhere in south America though 
OK and what’s the point in this we worship monkeys now?
Ugh no silly. Didn’t you say monkeys are like the gaurdians to the underworld? So it’d just be like a gateway to the under…world…how bout that?
Oh and then you can put the animal statue back in it and we can put the red ruby eyes back. Remember you have one and I have one. …and that’s where they go… and then everything will back as it should be.
Oh and at the ruins they found the ruins of a pyramid beside it so you could do that too. 
Oh … your just giving me alot of work.
You can do it!
Oh and the temple there shold be a spot for the sacred fire that must burn all the time or… or consequences. .
Consequences?
Yes
What kind … Ummm
What?
Besides thats your job to deliver consequences.
Whys it my job.
Cause your meaner …than me.
I’m not meaner than you.
You are, your a meaner.
I’m not a meaner.
Your meaner than me therefore, your a meaner.
I don’t even know how to argue with that.
Exactly.
So will you do it?
I don’t know. What’s my motivation.
Ugh… cheese n rice, you gotta have motivation for this… why are you being needy all of a sudden.
I’m not being needy .
You are you said you need motivation. . So there.
That’s not being needy…
Ugh… fine … ok
Look
I stretch my hands out … my left hand I shake …
Lucifer… masculine. . Then I shake my right hand…
Lucifer feminine. .
Then I bring my hands together and clasp them.
Combined in one temple. .
It would be fire 
That’s the motivation.
That’s the motivation.
Si.
Come on Set. Please. . Pretty please 
Well I’ll think about…
Ugh … I punch Set in the stomach. …
Oft. …
Hey the pyramid … could be …
Wait for it…
Wait for it. …
A black pyramid. …
What ?
Ugh yea .
Oh you know there’s this one place on south America where they found all these black obsidian mirrors …
Really
Really
So what are you gonna be doing while I’m building all this…
Um… sup…p…er…vising. …
Haha… no.
Yes.
No.
Fine. …
I’ll be digging.
What?
You know digging
For what?
For… I don’t know… can’t you leave anything to the imagination? … geez… ancient artifacts.
What…
Yea cause there’s all kinds of stuff. . Those places still have undiscovered places…
You know it’s archeology. .
Oh right your thing… right, cause you don’t do know nothing about that …
Right.
Cause your not an archeologist. .
Right.
Oh but the temple needs one
of those exotic baths in it …
What?
Ugh yeah
Why?
Because. .we can’t be the stinky gods … now come on.
Hahaha. .ok ok. I don’t wanna be stinky.
Right.
See.
So there… That’s the plan. Don’t forget red n white flowers
Leans over and whispers in Sets ear… if you build it they will come… 
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Obligatory monkey - guardian of the gateway to the underworld.
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Don’t think the bedroom went unnoticed. 
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Wearing blue… the blue 
Red and white flowers
The bedroom… safe haven
The lamp is on.
White blankets.
I notice
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Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my mom and step dad’s deaths. I don’t know how to feel about it. I stayed home all day yesterday and just stayed to myself.
My daughter sent me a text… " hey mom are you OK? I haven’t heard from you all day."
I don’t know. I was just in some quiet place. I slept alot of the day away. Which i think i really needed the rest. But today at work I layed my head down in the back office on the desk. I feel so tired. And I’m not sure why.
My diabetes has been ok. But I’m exhausted.
My ex is being an ass … but that’s nothing new.
The Dr did change my meds maybe that’s playing a part.
I really just want to sleep.
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I’m sorry for your loss
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Thank you.
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Set,
Beelzebub, has been talking to me. He says we can finish the gatekeepers. He will go last. Then I can find another when it’s his turn.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe this is too much for you right now.
I think he might have put the bug in my ear.
Maybe I should let go and redirect my focus into it another way.
Not sure who I can make fire with and who I can’t. But maybe its for the best.
Azazel, is gonna be hard enough as it is. I’m not sure I want more heartbreak on top of that.
You go heal and have some fun or what ever it is that you need to do. I’ll keep this going some other way.
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Well Set,
I’ve thought about this all morning. Here’s the thing I know you. I know every godform. Every mask , every fake account. I know you. Because I see you. I don’t see the mask I see you.
So you can play games with everyone else but you can’t play games with me.
And your right you can have anyone you want. Just snap your fingers. …
But there comes a time when you really need to just get over yourself. And if that pisses you off… well good.
You can’t see what you have for stressing over what’s gone. You’ve had a queen all along you just choose not to see or acknowledge her.
Don’t loose the queen you do have for stressing over the queen you don’t have.
How many of those that flock to you can incarnate gatekeepers for you? How do you think they come through the veil? I’m 2 - 0 and if we took a road trip right now I could take you to their houses.
You can’t see what is right in front of you. And that’s the damnable misery of it all.
So if I have to go the lone path to finish what I started then I will. I’ve stood alone before and I can do it again.
While your busy figuring out what you want. I’ll be busy building the empire.
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And don’t think I didn’t see the new stuff on the nightstand either. I just can’t tell what the hell it is.
So there.
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