Meant to focus energy

… turned into something of out of body experience. Advice please!

Simple little steps towards my first ever actual physical practice. Didn’t read much on it, but it felt right, it’s what my gut told me to do.

A charged water banishment ritual later here I was sat on the floor going into theta. Now I have always seen my energy as these yellow to orange (depending on my mood and state of mind) luminescent ribbons of almost like a liquid spiraling around me in a pattern (if you google atom and look at the pictures that’s exactly it, 3 rings, but the motion is fluid and connected). I imagined those ribbons get orange and expand larger and larger with every exhale. And when they reached all walls and ceiling I imagined them exploding and eveloping the room in almost white light. The I compressed the light almost like sucking it back in with a huuuge quick inhale into my centre (solar plexus is where I feel my centre is). I kept repeating ‘my energy’ and ‘my strength’ in my head. And for some bizzare unknown reason I also said ‘what am I?’ a few time in my head.

Aaaaand then it happened. I placed my hands on the altar and I saw them vibrate, it spread to my body instantly. The candle flickered violently with a noise and the smoke from the incense got almost horizontal and started flowing towards me and my face. And then I saw it. I saw myself from the other side of the altar, only from a slightly more elevated angle vibrating quickly and violently like in one of those films when they try to show what a psychodelic trip would be like. At one second I had black eyes, the other beige wings spread behind me, then fangs in my mouth and a few other images vibrating, moulding, but I was laughing, smiling, I seemed to be having soooo much fun. And then it stopped, and for the first time the ‘me’ in front of me lifted me (my?) eyes and looked straight at me and lunged at me with a mouthful of razor needle sharp teeth, stopped half way, laughed and I was back in my body again.

I got up, I thanked the candleflame and ‘released’ it. The smoke from the incense eveloped the candle and rushed straight into my face and I felt it wanted me to stay, but I left it. Another banishment ritual later I was on the couch pondering.

What on earth was that?! That’s not what I meant to do! I am confused! What did it mean?! Any ideas? Could use your opinion.


Do you have a Tarot deck at all? That could help shed some light on it.

Getting a trot card deck is easy enough, I can get one, but divination is one thing I’ve not even properly read about having concentrated mostly on evocation. :frowning:
I wouldn’t know what any of it means.

Tarot’s a huge topic and one I’m really not that expert in, but I posted here with a site that has some good basic definitions of the cards, which you can back up by searching the name of the card online (I like’s definitions) for more info.

But yeah I’m not that much of an expert on that method, prefer my Book Of Fate because it’s simpler to use. :slight_smile:

[quote=“Lady Eva, post:4, topic:6523”]Tarot’s a huge topic and one I’m really not that expert in, but I posted here with a site that has some good basic definitions of the cards, which you can back up by searching the name of the card online (I like’s definitions) for more info.

But yeah I’m not that much of an expert on that method, prefer my Book Of Fate because it’s simpler to use. :)[/quote]

Thank you! I will look into the Book of Fate and compare it to what I’ve read about ouija board. Reading into that is probably the furthest I got to to any of that side of Left Hand Path. And ouija board for some reason doesn’t seem like my thing (I blame all of the horror films ever lol).

Sounds a lot like what happens in ritual or hallucinogenic mirror gazing. Was you altar reflective?

Could be the Double from Castaneda’s lore. You know how you dream your dream world? Well the double dreams your waking world. Something like that.

Similar also to the times I’ve encountered “myself” in lucid dreams, when I recognize my influence behind the dream, it kind of becomes a jerk yet playful, and thinks it’s being funny.

Edit: I ran a piece of the OP by Della Van Hise, expert on this so called double. She said that sounds like it’s antics, which really clears things up for me as to what the double is, or at least how to recognize it. It acts like a jerk big brother. Can take “made you flinch” to a whole new level.

Stuff like that, it’s a very specific attitude.

Double Dream = Inception. Great movie.

I have a nice deck of Tarot Cards called the Erotic Tarot of Milot Manara you should check out Eva. It helps me connect better with the Archetypes but the art work is beautiful. I like how the card titles are enscribed in quite a few different languages and the background edges are in black.

Think of The Double as an Alternate Aspect of Yourself flowing from Past to Future and back in a loop.

It’s you, but it’s separate enough from you that it can find humor in tormenting you and not have to experience that torment.

If I’m on the right track recognizing the double by it’s attitude, if you’re into lucid dreaming, often times it seems like the dream is going out of it’s way to convince you that you are NOT dreaming. Kind of seems like there’s a sentient intent behind it. I think that’s the double’s dick attitude. It’s a very specific, recognizable attitude.

Sorry if this seems off topic, I’m having epiphanies tonight, and have been trying to understand what this double thing is for years…

You work with your Double like you do with Magick. Your Double is your Animus (Daemon)

Might be a silly question, but - why? I can honestly say I’ve never had an experience like that and also I don’t do drugs so I wasn’t on any.
I had just come back from work, I had had an exhausting day so I sat down in front of my altar to focus energy and recharge. Play around a bit.
The ‘What am I’ was a something my mind just made me say when I relaxed, that was not my intention, I have no clue where that came from.

Almost all of my dreams are lucid and the funny thing is I am usually constantly in and out of seeing everything from the 1st person perspective. Let me put it this way - you know all of those fun things you’ve aaaaalways wanted to happen? When they actually DO happen in my dreams I see them happening to me from, I can’t feel them or properly enjoy them. Makes me kind of angry (as you would imagine :)).

This is the part of the occult I have not researched yet. My research had mostly focused on entities, rituals, tools. Not myself, not dreams, divination, anything of the sort.

Toughen you up? It’s got to have your own best interest at heart since it is you. The things the double does are funny if you’re not being egotistical. If anyone is going to have no sympathy for your ego, it’s your double.

It isn’t a dick for the sake of being a dick, it just has no regard for your ego whatsoever. It only seems like a dick. But it’s not the harsh disregard you get from other entities either, it’s a very specific attitude.

Everyone does that. May seem annoying when something good is happening, but if you can learn to recreate it when bad things are happening, all of a sudden they’re not so bad.