… turned into something of out of body experience. Advice please!
Simple little steps towards my first ever actual physical practice. Didn’t read much on it, but it felt right, it’s what my gut told me to do.
A charged water banishment ritual later here I was sat on the floor going into theta. Now I have always seen my energy as these yellow to orange (depending on my mood and state of mind) luminescent ribbons of almost like a liquid spiraling around me in a pattern (if you google atom and look at the pictures that’s exactly it, 3 rings, but the motion is fluid and connected). I imagined those ribbons get orange and expand larger and larger with every exhale. And when they reached all walls and ceiling I imagined them exploding and eveloping the room in almost white light. The I compressed the light almost like sucking it back in with a huuuge quick inhale into my centre (solar plexus is where I feel my centre is). I kept repeating ‘my energy’ and ‘my strength’ in my head. And for some bizzare unknown reason I also said ‘what am I?’ a few time in my head.
Aaaaand then it happened. I placed my hands on the altar and I saw them vibrate, it spread to my body instantly. The candle flickered violently with a noise and the smoke from the incense got almost horizontal and started flowing towards me and my face. And then I saw it. I saw myself from the other side of the altar, only from a slightly more elevated angle vibrating quickly and violently like in one of those films when they try to show what a psychodelic trip would be like. At one second I had black eyes, the other beige wings spread behind me, then fangs in my mouth and a few other images vibrating, moulding, but I was laughing, smiling, I seemed to be having soooo much fun. And then it stopped, and for the first time the ‘me’ in front of me lifted me (my?) eyes and looked straight at me and lunged at me with a mouthful of razor needle sharp teeth, stopped half way, laughed and I was back in my body again.
I got up, I thanked the candleflame and ‘released’ it. The smoke from the incense eveloped the candle and rushed straight into my face and I felt it wanted me to stay, but I left it. Another banishment ritual later I was on the couch pondering.
What on earth was that?! That’s not what I meant to do! I am confused! What did it mean?! Any ideas? Could use your opinion.