What the hell are you all talking about anyway?
seems like things are just going insaneā¦ hahaha
Story time! My reawakening to magick begin in a psychiatric facility. i suffer from bouts of random insomnia all my life.And one lasted over 5 days without any sleep at all(that sucks hard btw) and i ending up there for āattempted suicideā which it was not. I just thought at the time that if i bleed enough iād pass out and get some needed rest, a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Donāt you think?
So there was a guy in the hospital with me and that motherfucker was scary, if anyone was ever ādemonic possessedā it was him, his skin was grey and he had black eyes no white in them at all. And no matter how much tranquilizers they put in him, he was not going down,throwing orderlies around like they were made of paper, took 12 or 13 of them to get him into an isolation cell. Never saw him again but we all heard him screaming in a language that did not sound human at all. And none wanted to talk about him, everyone just wanted to ignore it but me. I was like, well that was pretty neat. I must know more when i get out of here. Oh as for me. The doctors said iād showed traits of a dozen or more mental illnesses but fit no profiles at all, all tests negativeā¦Lovely iām naturally looney (and still a little more proud of that then i should be) or maybe i was the one possessed and donāt know it? Now back to the topic at hand. I much as i find it fascinating i really canāt give a comforting answer to any of it. Because there is no end to it for me. No matter how much knowledge and power i get it would never be enough. Now as whimsical as i am, i follow the teachings of Miyamoto Musashi on this, he had his swords and i have magick and i am very much looking for the extremes of what black magick is. And i wonāt accept anyones definition of what that can or can not be. Example at some point in the future this year i plan to go into total isolation for a time, 3 to 6 months maybe longer if needed to master what i want as fast as i can, and by isolation i mean just that, seeing no other people and having no electronics with me, just me and the spirits, no distracts no attachments. Now madman i maybe iām not a fool, i want to go about it as safe as i can but even if i canāt, i will still do it. And yes i can think of a thousand reasons not to do it and just the one to do it. And in the end that one will win. If i am to fully embrace being a black magician i see no other wayā¦on the other hand, if one is seeking nirvana then all one haves to do is literally NOTHING=)
This morning when I was starting to wake up, this wasnāt a hypnopompic hallucination because this IS the reason that I woke up. I was still asleep but I couldāve sworn I heard a voice calling out to me.
At first I thought maybe my mom was trying to wake me up because I left something out of place in the house, yes she has woken me up at like 9 a.m. because a pop can or something was out of place and I just had to get up out of my deep sleep and come move it. So anyway I start to become alert and look up, sheās not in my room and not yelling at me either so I doze back off and hear the same voice saying one word to me, repeatedly, getting louder everytime I ignored thinking it was just my brain doing those weird audio/visual hallucinations we sometimes have when first waking up (hypopompic) or falling asleep (hypogogic).
At first the voice seemed to be speaking to me in my head, next thing I know as Iām getting ready to shrug it off yet again as a hallucination this voice gets right up in my ear and says the name of a particular God out loud, clearly audible to my external ears. I jolt up out of my sleep repeating his name out loud followed by the name of his father (in mythology) and immediately get up and start researching his name which of course leads me to find that he possesses the abilities I have been looking for.
Like he literally appeared just long enough to say hey, I heard you are looking for a God that can help you with something and I am that God. He didnāt actually say all of that, he just spoke his name repeatedly to me getting louder each time I ignored him (on accident of course since I was half asleep) until I woke up and he was sure that my brain had actually registered the name enough to remember it upon fully waking up. It was either him that did that or one of my familiars that did it, but something was speaking to me and oddly enough, this God just happens to be associated with the same sphere of the universe that most other Gods who have contacted me also come from and/or oversee.
So now I am definitely convinced there is a certain planet and sphere that I should be focusing on because the beings who contact me and seek me out (Demons, Goddesses, and Gods) all come from that same region of the universe or rule over it in various mythology. And even stranger, this God is known in some cultures as the husband of one of the Goddesses I have worked with in the past and feel a deep connection to. So there is also a possibility that she may have heard of my needs and she was the one who reached out to me, waking me up to tell me her āhusbandā Godās name.
I love when stuff like this happens it just keeps things interesting and fun, and thereās no way I could ever be convinced that this stuff is NOT real but, it does serve to remind me that what I experienced is external from me and is not my own mind going crazy. It also reinforces to me the idea that we have spirits and guardians all around us that look out for us, giving us a helping hand when needed either thru information or physical manifestations.