Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
My real name is Jordin, but all of my peers call me Lucius. Feel free to call me by either name. I am fairly new to this sort of stuff. After browsing this forum for a good few weeks, i decided to create my own account in order to join in on the journey. Let me say that it is a great honor to be around like-minded individuals discussing topics within the occult. In the age of (extreme) science and long-lasting religion, it is good to see the esoteric still being discussed. I guess you could say that I finally feel āat homeā. Thus, I thank you all for that.
My story (VERY long, but a worthy read. I apologize!):
Ever since I was born, i had always experienced the paranormal. I heard things others did not, i saw things others did not, and I felt things others did not. Being so young, and being around my family, who are extremely passionate Christians, it was difficult to discuss these topics with them for fear of ridicule or being labeled āpossessedā. I was never serious about the religion (and currently i am not a Christian anymore). Thus, I kept silent, for years. This is actually the first time iāve ever spoke about my experiences openly.
It seems that I have always been followed by the occult. Iāve always been led to occult and esoteric topics through synchronistic events. I was actually led to this forum through synchronicity, as well. Back then, in my younger years, I had always dismissed things like these due to my familyās religious background. However, the more I dismissed it, the harder it seemed to ābite backā, for lack of better words.
Occult topics would still find their way to me, whether itād be seeing a book on the ground about Witchcraft, coming across a random video on demonology, a seemingly āskepticā friend spontaneously speaking about things such as the Chakra system of the body, and more. The synchronicity of this āhidden scienceā, as I call it, always found its way back to me, no matter how hard i tried to ignore it and stick to my faith.
Fast forward a few years later in late grade school, and I was, understandably, a lonely boy. I had absolutely no one to connect to. I wasnāt sure why back then, but I suspect now that it may have been due to the supernatural events I had experienced before. It seems that i simply did not connect to anyone in my school for fear of, yet again, ridicule.
Something odd happened in those years. Something that changed my life. I had aā¦ āimaginary friendā, named Rikota. Rikota had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. I had first seen him simply watching me for the first couple of days. It wasnāt that I physically seen him as I would see any human being in the physical world. Iād explain it as if I told you to reach out your hand and imagine an apple within it. This āholographicā mental imagery is exactly how Rikota appeared in the physical world, except, I didnāt have conscious control over him, like you would the apple. He seemed to have a mind of his own; appearing whenever he wanted to, moving and speaking at his own will, without my conscious effort.
Of course, i was frightened by this. However, Rikota finally spoke to me, as gentle as ever. We seemed to connect to each other easily. He understood me, and I understood him.
Rikota had took my involvement in the occult to another level. He was the one who introduced me to energy manipulation, and helped me practice it extensively. Oddly, he never told me why he did this. He would always ābeat around the bushā when i brought up the topic of why he was even there, and why he was helping me, some random loner kid. The only thing he ever said concerning this topic was that āhe sees something in meā, and āim not like other peopleā. To this day I still do not know what he meanāt.
Rikota stayed with for years, even up until high school, speaking with me, training me, being my shoulder to cry on, etc. One day, however, he told me to meet with him. He said that he was, unfortunately, leaving me forever. Understandably, i was confused, and angry by this. Such a random event from such a crucial member of my life. He was the only one who understood me back then. For him to leave me at such a critical point of my life, when he was most needed, had angered me. Crying tears of a combination of sadness, anger, and rejection, he told me this before he left my sight forever: āI know youāre mad at me now. I know youāre angry. I know youāre hurt. I also know that you believe that you need me. But I promise, in the future, this will all make sense, and you will see why I came to you, and thus why I left. Then you will understand. Just know this for now: youāre ready.ā
And with that, he left; literally disappearing before my eyes. I was depressed for weeks.
Fast forward, a few weeks later, and a very scary experience started to happen.
I mentioned previously that i perceived Rikota similarly to one imagining an apple in their hand. After he left, other mysterious beings began to appear in a similar way that he did. Some seemed benevolent. Others, not so much.
When they appeared, there was a pressure within my forehead (third eye, maybe?) and an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I saw them everywhere; in my home, outside, even by my bedside. Some would just watch me, silently. Others seemed to be minding their own business, doing common activities. Some would even wave. They appeared in all forms. Some looked like normal humans. Some were animals. Others looked mythical. Others looked evil. Like Rikota, they all had a mind of their own.
Of course, this had absolutely freaked me out back then. I had thought i lost my mind. The worst part was that i couldnāt talk to anyone about it in fear of ādemonā claims or just flat out ridicule. In a way, I was kind of stuck. So i let this phenomenon continue for years. I saw a whole variety of beings. I thought it might have been my imagination, but they all looked drastically different from each other, and they all had different personalities and body language. No way i could have spawned them myself, not that quickly at least.
So i let this phenomenon continue, trying to ignore it as best I can. But this didnāt make it go away. I still saw various beings. If anything, they appeared even more.
So of course, i understood that this probably wasnāt going away, so i decided to remain open minded about it and speak to one of these beings the next time Iād see one. I hadnāt done this before, out of fear.
One night, about a month ago, as I was about to rest in bed, i saw one of these beings watching me. It was a mythical one, at least 7 ft tall. It had the body of a very muscular man/beast hybrid, but the head of a horned beast similar to an Ox, goat or a bull. Its eyes were glowing brightly. So i simply said āhelloā.
To my surprise, this being replied, telepathically, in a fairly dark tone, āyou finally speakā.
Iām not sure what else was said in between, but i remember towards the end of the conversation, i began to doubt myself and think i was just making this up. This was undoubtedly rude of me, but i told him, laughing, āthis is bullshit. Youāre not even real. What the fuck am I doing?ā
His reply kind of shocked me. He replied, āyou are a gifted one, but your self doubt is hindering you. Only when your trust is complete will your life begin to improve. Until then, I will be watching.ā And disappeared. I never saw him again after.
That happened recently. As we move to the present day, i am away from my family and can now fully invest myself into this path. His comment stuck with me and made me consider finally diving further into the esoteric, which led me to you all 
All that being said, i am still seeing these beings, and far more frequently than in the past. However I have grown use to them, due to it happening so often. I dont intend to sound creepy, but It seems like some of them are watching me, almost like a movie or a story. After speaking with more, one said he simply likes my energy. Another said shes watched my life for years Another even claimed that I have a reputation in the spirit plane. I have reason to believe, after much research into this forum and many other resources, that perhaps Rikota was never imaginary at all, and that perhaps these other beings that i am seeing are not, either. Iāve read that during evocations (i have not done any), people perceive spirits in generally the same way I perceived Rikota. However Iām still stuck between all of it being real or all of it being in my head. Either Iām batshit crazy, Iām actually perceiving spirits and dont realize it, or both (haha).
Thats pretty much it. Its a hefty post, i know, but it feels good to finally get it off of my chest after so many years of repression. Iād love to hear your opinions on this matter. What do you guys/ladies think? Does this happen to you as well? Or is this a rarity? Was I called to this path since birth? If this is the real deal, what could these spirits want with me? Sorry if these seem like newbie questions. I will be doing further extensive research. Thanks BALG members!
(P.S: if any of you would like to know more from me and my journey in all of this, i can document my future experiences in the journal section of this forum.)
But now I will dive deeper into all of this with an open mind. Thanks!
