Hmm…wasn’t that long of a break, but oh well . I can’t seem to leave this “life” alone, haha.
Hello everybody. First, I would just like to give a small public praise to the demon Belphegor. Belphegor has been helping me with my motivation, keeping me full of drive and “reason” for completing tasks. Because of him, I’ve been able to complete mundane (but important) tasks that would otherwise be avoided by me. So thank you, friend.
Also thank you to Bune and Belial. I have been making progress in the music industry lately. More than I’ve made in the last 10 years. I’m not Kanye West level yet, but I’m finally moving somewhere. So thank you, friends.
I was a bit conflicted about posting this before. Its been in my draft for a while now. But something in my gut told me it was important. Usually I follow this intuition, so here it is.
It seems that after this whole ordeal with Yahweh, my body has gone through some changes. Not only did my astral body morph into what would be my true spiritual self, but I had seemed to get “new tricks”. Something odd happened a while back, and I discovered something new. I think it’s best to just describe the experience.
So, one day, I just woke up extremely pissed for some reason. Like…really pissed. As if I wanted to kill someone. And yeah, well, I have an anger issue. But this had no cause at all.
I was really moody, depressed, and just fatigued. It was abnormal for me. I kept asking myself “why do I feel so pissed today? Why am I just so irritated? What is this?”
I couldn’t come up with a reason, so I decided to just ignore it. Unfortunately the mood got worse.
Towards the end of the day, I was in a grocery store running some errands. That’s when my “limit” was reached. At the time, it would of been difficult to explain. It’s like I was just “fed up” with something, and I couldn’t take anymore. But I didn’t know what this “something” was.
There was another customer beside me shopping for some peanut butter. I just kept…looking at him. Staring. Thankfully he didn’t notice me, or else I would of probably been called out or punched in the face. Weird shit happened after that.
I felt something on my back. It was like something was coming out of it. Then, with my astral sight, I saw these tendril-like things emit from behind me. They were kind of beautiful-looking. They looked like the Red Nebula in space. A glowing mix of black and red. There had to be about six of them.
I couldn’t control these things. They had a mind of their own. I kept thinking “What the Hell is going on!?” As this happened my mood just kept getting worse.
As I looked at this man, both his aura and his chakras began to appear. And then these tendrils connected to them. Then, I began to spontaneously inhale deeply.
When I did this, I received the biggest rush of dopamine in my entire life.
The type that makes your eyes widen. I saw that I was taking energy from him, and this energy was going into my chakras, lighting them up. And throughout my body I got this extreme sense of pleasure. One that would definitely rival sex itself.
I’ve never had cocaine before (and never will), but if you were to ask me “what do you think cocaine feels like?” I would probably say the feeling I had when I “drained” this certain man.
When I did this, I instantly felt better. My entire mood changed from grumpy to extremely, extremely happy in a matter of seconds. My energy improved, and I was no longer tired. On top of this, I felt a sense of power. In a weird way, I felt more like my “true self”. Like I was imbued with the energy of a god. I felt like I could literally take on the entire world.
Still, something scary began to happen.
When I realized what I had done, I began to “lose” myself. What I mean is that I began to behave in a predatory way. Whereas before this I saw the people in the store as “regular people going about their lives”, I now saw them as “targets”. Prey. It’s like I had changed into a completely different person. I had lost all rational decision making skills and began to act on instinct.
When I drained that first person and felt that first “rush”, I kept thinking “More…more…more”.
So not taking a second thought, I traveled about the store, draining various people that I found, and getting that rush again. It didn’t matter who it was. Though I found younger, more “healthier” people hit the best, and gave the biggest rush. I didn’t even think of these people as “people” anymore. They were just prey. Just beings to drain. The more I did this, the more powerful I felt, and the more energy I received.
I think I drained about 17 people in that store before I finally felt “satiated”. It wasn’t satiation as in physical hunger. It was more like…“I don’t need to do the tentacle thing anymore”. An intuitive feeling.
After the final person, I came back to my senses. My “self” had returned, to witness what was done. And I had more questions than ever. My mind screamed “vampirism”, but I wanted to get confirmation first. So I visited Mother. She was there in her mansion, along with the L succubus I met during the beginning of my journey.
Lilith: Hm…I see. So the old man really wasn’t joking. He gave you all of your essence back.
Me: So what happened…was the real deal? Like, it wasn’t me just kidding myself?
Lilith: It is certainly real. Seems your need for life energy has grown stronger than ever. Your natural state is back.
Me: “Natural” state?
Lilith: You come from me, remember? You’re one of us. Just in a fleshy human body.
Me: Does that mean I’ll die if I don’t feed on people?
Lilith: (laughter) Not at all. You will only become…extremely exhausted. Fatigued. You may experience changes in your mood. But you will not die, no. Not all of us need to feed on people to survive or be healthy. But you are one of the cases that do. Unless you like being drained and moody all of the time.
Me: But it seems like a detriment.
Lilith: I think it is a gift, Lucius. This power you hold can be used in ways you would of never imagined. You could use it in your magick. You could use it for health benefits. You can even transfer energy to other people. It’s not as bad as you think. If you can keep up your energy needs, you can experience cognitive benefits like never before. Didn’t you feel it?
Me: Oddly, I felt the same benefits as I do on semen retention. Just much stronger.
Lilith: When you conserve your energy in a healthy way, it benefits both your spiritual and physical body. That is why I stressed for you to quit draining it so much through…you know. Vampirism is yet another power you can use for your benefit.
L: Yeah, Luci. I could teach you a few magic tricks with those tentacles…
Me: Not… in front of my own mother, please.
L: (laughter) You know where to find me. How did it feel? The first one is always the best. (smirk) Got you excited, didn’t it?
Me: But these were people. I didn’t really want to do it, but I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I completely lost myself and just turned into this “predator”. They were innocent.
L: Still playing the “I’m a good boy” game, huh? Geez…you can be honest Luci. You loved it, didn’t you? Every second of it.
Me: I did. I loved it a lot. It felt good. But just because I loved it doesn’t mean it was right to do…
L: So you would rather energetically starve yourself? If those people knew about the same power, what makes you think they wouldn’t have done it to you?
L: Heheh… I think you forgot exactly what planet you’re on, and what people live there. You have to look out for yourself. The second you let your guard down is the second some asshole appears and ruins your day. Ruins your life. Don’t be a hero.
I then remembered Azazel’s lecture.
Lilith: While I agree that you really shouldn’t worry about the well-being of humanity Lucius, keep in mind that you don’t have to feed off of people if you do not wish to. There is ambient energy all around us. And energy within the plant and animal kingdom themselves.
Me: I tried this, but it didn’t satisfy me. I still got energy, yeah. But its like it was a lesser form than what comes from people.
Lilith: The energy of people has a tendency of being stronger. Especially in healthier humans.
L: You noticed that too, Luci? Its like comparing an animal cracker to a juicy turkey, huh?
Me: Unfortunately, yeah…
L: You’re disappointed about this, aren’t you? You feel “different” from people. Is that it?
Me: This disconnects me from the bulk of humanity on a whole new level. I’m not upset about these powers. If its in my nature then so be it. But I have yet another thing that 90% of humanity will never understand or relate to. The gap between me and humanity has just been pushed further. I feel even more alone now. I don’t even feel human anymore. Just some spirit trapped in a human body. But I don’t want to feel that way. I want to connect to the “average Joe” like I use to but…now I just can’t.
L: Well, not entirely. There are other people like you. Plenty, actually. You just need to find them. There are others who go through the same thing.
Me: Yes, Mother?
Lilith: Remember this for the rest of your earthly life and beyond: It is okay to be different. Understand?
Me: Yes. Sorry…
Lilith: Are you still…hungry?
Me: A little bit.
Lilith stood up and moved in front of me.
Lilith: Feed on me.
Me: Feed on you?
Lilith: Yes. Right now.
Me: I don’t want to feed on my own mother, though?
Lilith: Lucius, I have an unbelievable amount of energy in my storage. A few seconds of “leakage” will not affect me. But I warn you: Do not drain too hard.
Me: But you said it won’t affect you.
Lilith: It won’t. But it will affect you.
Me: Okay…if you say so.
I done so, but when I did, I felt a sort of “overcharge”, and I felt a small amount of pain.
Lilith: I just said not too much!
Me: Sorry, it was too good! Oh my god…I feel GREAT!
L: Lucky…she rarely does that for me.
Me: Fuck…I need more!!!
Lilith: Slow down, Lucius. I think that is enough.
Me: Oh right. My apologies.
Lilith: Control this power. Do not let it control you. Harness it and use it to your benefit.
Me: I understand. Thank you again, Mother.
After this event, this ability still remains.
I find myself getting back to that fatigued, “grumpy” state again, only to go out and find more people to satiate myself. And afterwards…I always feel better. This has happened multiple times already, further confirming my vampiric nature.
I’ve noticed some other changes. Currently, there is this “feeling” on my back, like something is there. Like something is stuck to it. I assume that this is where the tendrils emit from. Its been like this for a few weeks now.
Sometimes, these tendrils pop out spontaneously and try to feed on people I don’t want to feed upon, like close friends. Thankfully I am able to somewhat prevent them from doing this, and my control over them gets better each time.
Along with this, I’ve noticed that when I am near someone, I can kind of feel energy leaving them and coming into me. Like I’m taking energy from their aura. Sometimes I see it. The tendrils aren’t involved in this…I simply see the energy from their aura coming into me. Like a minor draining. So far it has been semi-controllable.
I am getting better with the help of the succubi, along with my very own Summer herself.
Also, this power does seem to have health benefits. Ever since vamping, my skin has been a lot clearer. Though this could also deal with my new diet and semen retention, so I will not make a definite assumption.
While I have accepted this “new me”, I found it depressing how it is perceived among people online. Every where I search up, its always a negative view of psychic vampires. There are very few sources that explain how to actually control this power. Some say it is a curse. Others ridicule Psy-vamps as evil.
I’m not saying there aren’t evil vamps out there. There are. But its the same analogy as “not all rich people are crooks”. And I mean… I can’t control my spiritual origin, you know?
Either way, I’ve come to accept it. I keep forgetting that I’ve made a deal with Lucifer himself, speak to demons like they’re friends at a bar, and fought two ancient deities. It’s likely that the vast majority world may never understand me, haha. Oh well…
Lilith’s “its okay to be different” really hit me hard. So if I must remain an enigma, thus be it. Thanks for reading.