Hello, BALG community. Thanks for reading my journals and participating in this journey with me.
I’ve been at this whole ordeal for a couple of months now. It’s amazing to see how rapidly my life is changing. My body healing itself…my addictions leaving rapidly…my rapid process of leaving my slave job for independence and freedom…all part of Lucifer’s plan. Its wild to see it all unfolding before my eyes. I came into this scared shit-less. But I felt I did not have a choice. The odds of life were simply too stacked against me. So knowing that the spirit world possibly exists, I had to seek help from it. And well, god wasn’t helping, so I suppose you could guess who I turned to instead. Thankfully he listened, and has been helping me ever since, in exchange for writing about all of this and other requests.
I wanted to compose this journal to document the effects that this experience had on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Perhaps people would be interested to know how such a thing as demonic interaction can affect someone from “the outside world”, per say. What does interaction with these demons do to someone who use to be a Christian and then a New Ager? Both past qualities of myself. How does it change a person who has never even tapped into this before? Please note that my experiences can differ from others, as each path is different. This is just to share how interactions with these beings has affected my own personal life.
I’ve Grown Dark-Minded
Let me explain what I mean by this.
Before my interaction with these beings, you could say that I was a “Mr. Nice Guy.”
I feel like this has everything to do with both my christian past and the New Age, as both teach people to be docile and to surrender. I was…soft. Summer was correct. I didn’t really have a backbone, ladies and gentlemen. I let people use me. And when they did, I managed to forgive them. If someone yelled at me or proceeded to argue, I’d just shut up and take it. I did not like conflict at all.
I had a “what does everyone else need?” Mentality. It was only because I wanted to be a good person. But interactions with these entities changed that. I don’t know if it was the talk I had with Azazel about me being too nice for this world, the wrathful energy of Belial and Azazel, or simply because I haven’t jacked off in 40 days, but my entire mentality shifted from “what does everyone need” to "Fuck everyone else. What do I need?
You could say I’ve grown more assertive, almost selfish and psychopathic. I now have a “me first” mentality, something I’ve never had before. I’ve lost a lot of my care for the needs of other people, and continue to focus on what is the best for myself.
It has shown a lot in my interactions with other people, and especially in conflict. Instead of sitting back and taking bullshit, I now talk back at people. Shout at them. Sometimes, almost to the point of a physical fight. And I have no moral issue doing it, either. I welcome it. I’ve turned to the complete opposite of what I once was. Like going from the “nerd” to the “bad-boy”.
It scares people. It really does. Friends and family say that I’ve changed. They wonder what has happened to me. Of course, I don’t tell them the truth. Even though it scares people, I don’t care. I’m just tired of dealing with assholes. I’m just tired of people in general. I guess you could say that the fact that I’ve summoned literal demons in the same room with me has shown me that I don’t need some uneducated peon asserting dominance over me.
Incredible Drive And Ambition
I use to be a hardcore gamer.
I would play for hours a day, most of the time without going to the bathroom or going to eat. With this, I was… a slacker. I had no motivation to improve my life, or my circumstance. I still worked a slave job, skipped on my gym membership, ate shitty food, and of course, watched porn.
Upon my interaction with the demonic, all of that changed. It was definitely Lilith and Belial. I completely quit pornography, and I completely stopped playing video games. I now work out daily, and I took up reading, and aim to read a book a week. My junk food habit completely ceased, outside of fun events like dates and family gatherings. I am far more productive than I have ever been, and now have the ambition needed to improve my circumstances.
You could say that I have a certain drive now to improve my life. The biggest thing I am aiming to do right now is to quit my slave job.
Guys…that fucking job is like 80% of my problem now. I hate having a boss. I don’t want anyone “owning me”. My main goal for this part of the year is to leave that god damn place and get a work from home job. That way, I can work whenever I want, wherever I want, and without some asshole telling me when I can eat and smoke a cigar…
All of the demons want me to leave that place. Even Asmodeus, who postponed our working until I left that place because it is interfering. However, Lucifer and Bune are helping me do so. We are 70% done. I basically got the job, but The rest is all a waiting process. You know how slow jobs can be at hiring…I’ll let you all know how it goes. Leaving this trash place will be my biggest win by far.
Absolute Disconnection From Society
This one hurts me…
Because of the amount of spiritual progression in consciousness I have developed from looking into all things occult and metaphysical, I completely lost my connection to most of the population. Do you know that “energy” that is there when you talk to a certain person? How you just “click”? That’s no longer there for me with most people…
People…they talk about sports, celebrities, gossip, the superbowl, politics. I just don’t care. There’s too many other things going on. And as you all know, most of the world thinks like this. Which means that I have no connection to them.
I find that I can’t “relate” to people like I use to when I was still “asleep”. I can still hold conversations with people and have a good time. Don’t get me wrong. People still find me charismatic. But spiritually…psychically…energetically…there is no connection. We don’t vibe like we use to. The only people I can easily connect with are those on this forum, and those who have at least a drop of spiritual awareness, both of which are very rare in the grand scheme.
It feels lonely. I feel completely different than other people. You may say, “you don’t need them anyway. They’ll only slow down your progress/your grind.” And that may be so…but still. That “spark” is something everyone, human or not, spiritual or not, desires. And with most people, I’ve lost it. I feel like the black sheep. The creature living in the human world. If Lilith’s tale of my origins is correct, that means I am. But that doesn’t make me special. I still want to connect with other people. I knew this was coming when I first got into all of this. Lucifer warned me as well, saying that it is a “great cost, but well worth it”. Well, he might be right.
That’s just some of the things I’ve experienced coming into all of this. There are more, but these are the main three that I wanted to document. I’m excited to see what more these beings have to bring to the table. Thanks for reading!
- Lucius