I am involved with BDSM and, for a long time, have identified as a slave/sub, seeking a long-term relationship with a BDSM oriented male who identifies as a Master/Daddy. I haven’t had a great amount of luck finding a permanent relationship where we can really live our BDSM lifestyle and it not just devolve into “scenes on the weekend.” There was a point a couple of years ago that I basically let go of my search, when I matched up with a kinky (but non-BDSM lifestyler) guy and we evolved into a real relationship.
During that period, I fully become Luciferian. At first, the self-determination and extrovert assertion of will over the Universe really appealed (still does), but my BDSM slave self is starting to reassert itself and I’m having trouble jibing the two philosophies together.
As a Luciferian, I’m encouraged to find my own path aggressively, denying the authority of others and living my life as I want. As a BDSM slave, I’m encouraged to exist in humility, serve others even to a fault, and live a lifestyle where I always come second.
Ultimately, my “real” personality is somewhere between these two roles. I am naturally assertive in all aspects of life except sexually, and naturally submissive when it comes to sex. The struggle between these poles is very disconcerting at times, creating a lot of spiritual and existential confusion. I tend to oscillate between them as certain needs are met or denied, but never settle on one pole.
I guess my question is, how can these two forces be balanced, given they are often in conflict? How can the duality be honored and engaged, without turmoil?
It reminds me of the concept of Yin and Yang. Good and Evil, Light and Darkness. Our whole life is full of conflict. Every day is an internal fight. So why can’t you balance these two? Your beliefs have nothing to do with your preferences in sex…Lots of women that believe in feminism and female power enjoy a little spank in the ass I am a very strong and confident person and would destroy someone who would even dare to impose themselves on me. But during sex, I can be submissive. IMHO these two things are completely different and can be balanced. I don’t understand how you came to have a problem with this…
I don’t agree with this assertion. My spiritual beliefs are entertwined with my sexuality and always have been. I understand that you mean, “not everyone’s spiritual beliefs have to do with their preferences in sex,” but in my case, they do.
I have practiced BDSM as a means to activate my spirit and bond with men before I even realized that was what I was doing. I think of BDSM as a religious practice, not just a “slap and tickle” spice in the bedroom.
Also, as I was trying to say in my original post, being someone’s slave does seem terribly Luciferian in practice, so the books I’m reading that extoll me to “think for myself” and aggressively assert my will are at odds with the actions of be a BDSM slave. I AM trying to chart a middle course and find that balance, however.
Not trying to start a fight, but honestly, this statement is a little off putting. Is it not enough that I have a problem balancing these energies and I’m asking for input and guidance from the community?
If you explore the concept of polarity, you will see that attaching one of your polarities to the being you choose to revere is pretty cohesive. I’m not saying this is something you, or anyone else, should do or must do, just that it is completely compatible with magickal concepts.
This might help: The Kybalion PDF, archived link (we don’t trade PDFs on here as a general rule but this one is okay, the text is out of copyright and the edition was given for download from the site that created it).
Well it’s ok. It’s just my opinion.Doesn’t necessarily mean I am right, does it? And sorry if I somehow offended you as that is the last thing I wanted to do… Regarding my last sentence you quoted,
I didn’t say it to offend or degrade you, I just really didn’t understand your problem to its full extent. Again, I am sorry if you found my reply offensive.
You have the strength of character to know what you want sexually and you’re actively seeking it rather than be ashamed or suppress it.
The fact that you’re want to be a slave shows that you are prepared to put you well being into the hands of others also suggests strength of character.
Being Luciferian or strong doesn’t mean that you’ve got to dominate every thing or everyone. Strength of character is being able to show your vulnerabilities and be open to intimacies with the kindness of strangers.
On that basis I see no contradictions in your lifestyle.
I want to ask, you said you’re only a sub sexually? Does that mean you’re not interested in being a slave outside of sex? Even back when I was a young Christian the pastor ministering for the holy spirit told me I had a real “servant’s heart”. I can switch it up and be dominant now, but I can be very submissive and honestly reckon I could be a lifestyle slave, and even worshipful which could be very wrong and dangerous? There was demonic advice which warned “do not worship anyone” and I can see why cause it is dangerous or could hinder growth…
I’m a Libra with a lot of water in my chart (granted that is Scorpio water), but even so with my Venus in Scorpio I can get obsessed (and worshipful). And actually, as young as 10 years old I fantasized about being a slave.
I’m gonna PM you cause this is real interesting to me
Happy to talk via PM, but wanted to respond here a bit to keep the thread informed.
I do wish to be a slave/sub outside of sexual activity, but I tend to be bit “willful” to the extent that Dom’s have said they don’t “smell any submissiveness on me.” I tend to act when given a vacuum or orders and, as I’ve told Dom’s, I’m not particularly “demur.”
I’ve tried being a Dom to folks and I can service Dom men, but it never quite lasts into a full relationship. There are so many definitions about what constitutes a “slave” versus a “sub” versus a “boy” in the BDSM gay community as to make the terms difficult to apply.
I was also cautioned by Lucifer to not allow myself to be mind controlled and not to submit my will to anyone else, so I’m trying to make sense of that order versus my slave tendencies.
I am a very strong and confident person and would destroy someone who would even dare to impose themselves on me. But during sex, I can be submissive. IMHO these two things are completely different and can be balanced. I don’t understand how you came to have a problem with this…
