Love or spirtual admiration?

Ok, I dont have much, or either good experience in love, and because of external and internal reasons, due to bad experiences, I have forced myself to keep well away from it; years…especially i have baggage and kids- who needs that right? Now Ive started going to a wiccan social group for awhile, ( that do rituals and workshops run by a wiccan high priest) a couple of times recently. I met a guy there which kinda intrigued me he dresses in black clothing mostly, wears a eye of horus ring etc. And for some reason his energy cries out ‘black magician’ and I feel like im falling in love (or infatuation?) with his energy (kinda like i desperately want to know what he knows about magick, but also like ’ i know ’ this energy and i like it …) and it makes me think loads about him, - but I dont want to, because it makes me feel needy, constantly wanting to talk or be around him (or deliberately trying to avoid him lol) at these social events, because i get so excited talking to him, and yet he seems so self controlled and ‘sensible’ that i feel stupid for feeling this way, but whats weird, and ive never felt this kind of conflicting feelings before, is im not physically attracted to him nor his facial looks. I guess im abit mad lol. Ive even daydreamed of how extatic i would feel if i were able to do some 'high rituals with, or being just held, but thats all fantasy right? Especially i guess thats the way magic feels to me i guess ‘held and high’ and i might be projecting that on him? But I guess one of the things you can say Ive learned from this experience is that i think im feeling more ready than before for love- but why should one choose love over being ‘single and safe’, love hurts and is generally at some point a pain in the backside anyway (sorry excuse my french lol). Is, love a good or so ‘amazing’ thing in magical working, or some type of codependancy? I can love the spirit world and magic and never need to depend on people’s half loves and betrail and heartbreak? Right? Or am i wrong.
It also started making me think maybe he might be like a twin flame or something or maybe from a past life, but most things like his choice music and his general lifestyle and choices clashes and diffrent, and causes constant awkwardness in conversation (as much as i try to get where he’s coming from)… Anywho, when i met him first time was at a sigil workshop , and so i came up with an idea…,I drew up a sigil with the intention that whatever is going on should calm down in me and turn out for the best whichever way, because its obvios its me whos getting engrossed, not him… It helped. But now im missing the good feeling of love. I guess among many other things i desperatly need in life , i can definately do with a dark all powerful magician to sweep me of my feet lol. And thats progress for me to admit because not so long ago i wouldnt even dare admit i have any such emotions. Anyways let me know your take, or thought or what ritual or spell might be helpful to cast, or what type of weird connection is this, or suggestions on or what would you do in this situation, or am I just a mad infatuated sod lol ? Thanks

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