Love-hate relationship with Saturn in cycles..need suggestions

Hello,
Saturn is my ascendant planet and is my soul significator as per Jaimini astrology, a form of Vedic astrology. I have a weird love-hate relationship with the planet.

For a while I will be so in awe of the planet, think about him, recite mantras after shower, whenever I see group of 8s on number plates on vehicles, I pray to him. Most of the time when I’m doing such things I get validation in terms of tingling sensations on my body, a text comes on my phone, sometimes Saturn mantra itself shows up on an astrology app as it would be Saturn hora then etc.,

After a while suddenly old records play in my mind about how miserable my life is and I attribute all to Saturn for blocking major areas of my life till date…love, relationships and sex. Then I abuse him profusely for a while and then again go back to him begging for forgiveness. I think he forgives me because for the amount of abuse I do, I don’t get punished even a little. This cycle repeats.

I’m looking for ways to avoid this and I genuinely want to work without all this drama. How do I get over my childish tendencies?

Looking for suggestions from members who worked exclusively with Saturn or his different forms.

Thank you, have a good weekend.

So if you are refering to saturn from the astrological perspective im gonna link you here, as just as this person was hyper focusing on Uranus you seem to be doing the same with saturn. As stated below ALL the planets have a positive and a negative aspect but without the entire picture any advise givin would be incomplete and have alot of gaps in result.

But from the sound of it you may be dealing with some rough saturn transits.

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As to these you can not “avoid” saturn or any planet attempting to do so is like trying to repress a part of self. You can dimish its effect in the negative with rituals like the lesser banishing ritual of the hexagram. And for getting over childish tendencies work WITH saturn as it is both the planet of discipline and responsibilities.

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Thanks Dinmiatus for the link and suggestions.