This has been an interesting journey. I dont know if king paimon or myself built the construct I just toppled. But i crossed the abyss, I now see the state of things for what they are. The hard to believe truth that I’ve hid from since I was 7.
My life is and was hard.
But this was because I had placed expectations on myself based on the illusion my grandparents taught me. And living up to those illusions, when i have VERY few family, forced me to live a deluded existence that everything else was everyone else’s fault and I had to wait for my opportunity.
Truth: my life is shit, my family has it tough, its up to me to make something of my life.
Truth: magick was about power and making success easy and removing my enemies.
New truth: im the source of my magick. With the help of the beings I work with whom I don’t know to be real, I am disillusioned and I am going back to college.
This year has been hard. But it healed me of my childhood traumas and made a real man of me who can face an objective reality and decide to stand against it in pursuit of my own dreams.
Thank you all for the help and guidance. I dont know where my spirituality will take me. I dont know if I’ll end up a black magician. I use black magic to help friends but now i dont know if it was somehow in my head! Either way. I realized how amazing I am and that feels good.
Thank you and good luck on your pathes. Remember when there is fear, there is something to be overcome. Best of luck .