This has been an interesting journey. I dont know if king paimon or myself built the construct I just toppled. But i crossed the abyss, I now see the state of things for what they are. The hard to believe truth that I’ve hid from since I was 7.
My life is and was hard.
But this was because I had placed expectations on myself based on the illusion my grandparents taught me. And living up to those illusions, when i have VERY few family, forced me to live a deluded existence that everything else was everyone else’s fault and I had to wait for my opportunity.
Truth: my life is shit, my family has it tough, its up to me to make something of my life.
Truth: magick was about power and making success easy and removing my enemies.
New truth: im the source of my magick. With the help of the beings I work with whom I don’t know to be real, I am disillusioned and I am going back to college.
This year has been hard. But it healed me of my childhood traumas and made a real man of me who can face an objective reality and decide to stand against it in pursuit of my own dreams.
Thank you all for the help and guidance. I dont know where my spirituality will take me. I dont know if I’ll end up a black magician. I use black magic to help friends but now i dont know if it was somehow in my head! Either way. I realized how amazing I am and that feels good.
Thank you and good luck on your pathes. Remember when there is fear, there is something to be overcome. Best of luck .
You are lucky you figured out something. A lot of us dont know where we stand, what we want but the best way to head towards what we want is to know what we dont want and looks like you are at that phase.
I liked reading how you have healed your childhood traumas. I know how liberating that can be. I just happened to be in that same place now where I tortured myself for years and years. Journaling helped me address that and I am finally happy to have liberated myself, so I know how you must be feeling.
To a great future ahead in front of you. Goodluck!!!
I’m glad to hear that you are going back to college. Education is the golden key that unlocks opportunity and potential.
I have had excellent success using dark magick to enhance my education. I have caused at least two new courses to be created, as well as a few clubs, and I have brought many people into my path who are helping me build my career.
I have only recently began to wield magick with a significant degree of skill. Consider the sheer magnitude of internal transformation that you have brought, and consider that transformation of a similar magnitude may be brought to the world around you.
This is not just in your head. Accept that you have the power to manipulate the very fabric of reality according to your will, and you will achieve greatness.
One theory that I had is that you could use soul travel to visit the collective unconscious, find information on subject you are studying and solidify the knowledge into your consciousness for easy memorization. Or do that with a simple textbook. Have all the words and solidify every piece of information in your subconscious and conscious mind.
I honestly think that your time would be better spent studying or practicing your chosen craft. Do magick to improve your learning skills, and then sit down and do the actual mundane work.
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