I believe in opposite karma because it happens to me ALL the time. Every time I do good for others, donate time effort, spread good cheer and be a general good person… I get 10 fold back in THE DIRECT OPPOSITE.
It’s been wearing and tearing my mind quite a bit these last 12 years. Starting to think I should be a vile mean asshole and just crush people beneath like insects in every manner of life.
I don’t even smile or wave at people anymore. Just fuck it!
Im so sorry. I hope you find peace and hapiness
I doubt I will ever find peace. The only true demon I’ve known is my father. He delights in destroying those around him. He turned my mother into a depressive victim who now is just as much vile as him but two-faced and hiding the truth from everyone. I cringe every time they lie and deceive others.
My fault for trying to save them out of pity. I’m a glutton for punishment. My dad makes all these entities look like punk bitches. And I tell them all that continually.
This music artist sums up how I feel about it all:
My mind is fractured. Eventually, only hate will be left. I walk amongst the scum and homeless and thieves and downcast already; just egging then by eye contact to start something. My life is forfeit. And I don’t care. I am displaced. I am outcast. And I want vengeance!! I hate my dad!!
This has been nearly a month… I wish I would have confronted my fucking dead on the onset and shattered his limbs and rammed him through the walls. HATRED!!!
Why on earth did my brother mail me a phone?
Im sorry for you. If I was there I would hug you 
Same here, every fucking time I do something good for others or even think about doing good to others, the entire fucking universe decides to fuck me up.
I hope you get peace in life very soon 
Coming to question: No, I don’t believe in karma. I’m a walking example that karma doesn’t exist and is complete bullshit.
There are times I believe everything keeps punching and pushing me into a corner hitting again and again… waiting to see when I’ll snap or commit suicide. Lord knows I’ve walked at the edge of freeways and highways esp as the log trucks and gravel trucks come. I complete jumping off bridges into the murky waters (I can’t swim). Etc etc.
And the rage burns. When I became a Christian in oh 2014 that didn’t last long (july to December). The judgement and looks at me like I was lying. Psychologists call me on my life as bullshit. I get to where I say to anyone “you’ll never know!” Only my siblings know some of the insanity from our parents but they know little of the years after they left and I stayed like it was a NO win rocky balboa match as my psyche and body just took it. And even away… I’m still taking it.
Forums allow venting but I realize this is toxic here. Unwanted. It borders on the edge of trolling tbh except it’s really my only outlet.
I think I’ll shut up about it. Nothing in existence can ever help it or heal it. So I know hell…
And I hope it gets worse!
oh
@Lady_Eva can my previous reply to Keighn be considered as a violation of any of the forum rules, like derailing the topic?
Even me? I actually cared and reached out to see if you were ok.
No, I can’t think why it would be?
Do you want to make a journal thread or something, I can unlist it so it’s more or less private (can still be found, but only by huniting/being invited)?
Thanks.
You could just move all those posted posts to one. Keighn’s Journal.
I have no idea where that goes as I am using mobile. I just see a huge string of topics with most recent on top.
I think it’s for the best to cut my cancer posts and put them in a journal.
You have a new journal! 
Do you want me to make it Unlisted? You can invite people by using @ before their name, but it means it won’t be on the main view. I’ll do that for now, see how you like it, then PM me if you want it changed. 
Nah, leave it open for whomever wants to reply. I was busy seeing that my tribe decided that my apartment choices weren’t valid. Seems my social worker totally fucked up on my information.
Now I’m looking for a place in Cottage Grove.
I’m running out of options. If this keeps up I will have to face the lair of the beast (my parent again)
How funny Chinese zodiac he is a Dragon and she is a serpent snake. Sheesh.
I save up for years and finally spend over 1k to build a gym in that property only to have it NOT be used.
All I have is my phone, a laptop, barely any clothes and worn out shoes. Oh my ID, bank cards and the tax money I was saving for the next 2-3 years of property taxes… and my checkbook. Barely a shaving kit and toothbrush.
It’s more than some. All my collections from 30 years… dust, my cats… dust… my routine, my circle of power (and walking/running circle),earth shrine, bikes, my hidden garden I discovered a 30 min walk away, etc… just dust.
I hope they fucking suffer but I know they won’t.
ITS MY FAULT AFTER ALL!!!
I wonder when he will kill my cats and burn all my books and shit. And break everything. He’s done it before… not to mention telling lies to everyone in that community how I’m a elder abuser and violent offender etc etc…
How many times they call the police out on me… 5 or so.
The last time he orchestrated so well (2016) he had 8 police cars come out and was stalling for time so they’d reach the rural property. He wanted to see me beaten/arrested or shot dead.
He’s come at me with a knife, clubs, and shoved me into a wall and a burning stove. At the time I didn’t hate him as much and just couldn’t think of harming him.
He’s plenty of times done the finger pointing and gun gesture. Then he acquired a pistol and rifle. I know he’s pulled the loaded pistol on my mom while I was exiled in 2016-17.
And he’s threatened poison etc etc.
As a kid I recall when he was trying to run over 3 teenagers on bicycles. Oh he’s a fucking violent man and now he’s on marijuana all the time so I don’t see that mellowing out anything. I guess only takes CBD most of the time instead of THC (though he grows his own also).
And now flesh eating wasps, bald faced black hornets, yellow hornets, and yellow jackets are his best friends. He lets them sting him and everything.
Bah fucking wack job. I hope he chokes and dies on his own bile. And my mum for supporting him and telling me to just take it can have a final stroke and die too. FUCK EM BOTH!!!