When you say “experiences”, do you mean in general life, or spiritually? If you mean spiritually, I’m pretty much a noob save for some dabbling with wicca back in high school. If you mean in life, well, that’s a lot longer of a story.
The doubt most likely stems from anxiety and PTSD (or as I like to call it “spicy memories”). So, I doubt my self worth, my abilities, relationships - everything. But if you ever need someone to over analyse a situation for you and give you every possible outcome and the outcomes of those outcomes - I’m your gal! Lol. I’m working on it though, and that’s how I ended up here.
I like that this isn’t surrendering to a higher power and is based on full mastery of self. It isn’t begging to be forgiven; it’s realising just being you isn’t something to be forgiven for. It’s not pleading for help, it’s seeing you’re powerful and using that power.
I’m rambling again, aren’t I? Lol. I think my pain meds are finally kicking in…
I don’t intend to stop - I know I’m in the right place. But I do wish sometimes there was a way to not carry all my baggage. Like a system restore on a computer; just wipe my brain a bit, keep all the necessary files and restore my brain to a point where it worked properly. I am finding that since I embarked on this journey, I’m feeling better more often, so that is definitely a plus.
I’m in the process now of getting some help. Spoke to my doctor about it a couple weeks ago as I thought it might have been the cause of some chest pains I’d been getting. He wanted to try something before we went down that rabbit hole, so I’m going back some time this week to discuss some options.
I’ve heard about cord cutting before. I think it’s a viable option for some things, however, my ex doesn’t deserve to get off that lightly. But, that’s a “gotta wait for the right time” thing.
I agree with the suggestions of both mundane and magical by @anon10524665. I also have a ritual here on the forum for a ritualized “death” that may be helpful. While it was used to put my desire to end my life to rest, I can see it being helpful for laying other things to “rest”.
Personal opinion time: I think the two spirits you have chosen to start working with will be a good choice for you. Yes, there are spirits who can be difficult when it comes to teaching. Belial is one of the more well known examples, but Lilith certainly can be as well. The fact that you are seeing beauty with the experience and feeling better day by day is a good sign. Walk down your path at the pace you are most comfortable with would be my advice.
If you have not explored it, I would recommend learning a system of divination that you enjoy. It came in handy as a self reflection tool for me when I was in some of my darker times. It allowed me to have conversations with myself about difficult things without being overly harsh with myself, as well as help to keep an eye out for things.
I think if your post is right below the one you’re answering to, it doesn’t show the image on the right.
Good. Be open to what your doctor recommends you.
And if you’re not ready for cord cutting because there’s unfinished business, it’s probably not a bad thing if you’re carrying some of your anger or whatever feeling it is you’re having around.
The self doubt needs to go though.
A little bit of doubt is helpful to prevent you from deluding yourself, but if it’s too much, it’s just hindering.
I haven’t been able to get back into the right headspace to work with Lilith again for a while. She’s intense to say the least and doesn’t suffer fools.
Astaroth has always been calming for me. I’ve never been able to quite tell if the energy is masculine or feminine though. And, like Lilith, I’ve never seen their form - just a representation I guess you could call it.
I once chatted very briefly with Abaddon… When I say briefly, I mean he scared me out of a trance by saying in a positively booming voice in my head “hello!” and grabbing my foot. I’m sure he’s still laughing about that one.
But you and @anon10524665 are correct - i have no reason to doubt myself, so the self doubt has to go.
I’m at a point where, outside of going on any SSRI type meds (I had a really bad experience when I had them prescribed once in the past and only was on them a week before I threw them away), I will do whatever work I need to do.
My son deserves the best from me. He is why I’m still here and able to write this. It would be terribly remiss of me to say the least to not try and be the best I can for him.
Why don’t you try the petition spells, it’s a simple, clean, and neat method to approach any deity without causing any drama, doesn’t require much, just a pen and paper but the intent and emotion is the mandatory ingredient of this recipe:
Update to this thread; I’m going to try and work with Lilith again tonight. I don’t think I’ve been giving her the attention she deserves. So I’m going to get in a really hot bath, recite her enn and have a conversation. I’ll post any results here.
It was a very quick evocation as I was able to slip into the right headspace quite easily. After clearing the area and telling any unwanted spirits to leave, I chanted Lilith’s enn (verbally at first then in my head) and allowed myself to slip into the zone. There were some moments of euphoria and I found myself smiling a few times. I think I was told to watch out for one who is a nurse, which I don’t understand. However, I’m sure in time I will.
I asked Lilith if she would teach me and she has agreed. I got the impression she will help me to clear my path and help me to put a few things right. I think this will involve some justice/revenge, but I’m not ready for that yet as I have a lot to learn and to be shown first.
When I asked what she wanted from me, the first thought that popped into my head was doughnuts. I had no idea Lilith would have a sweet tooth! She also asked for sandalwood, and when I said “incense?”, I was very firmly told “no, actual sandalwood”. That may be a bit difficult, but I’m sure I am find some.
You can often get sandalwood sold as incense but it’s the actual wood for incense blends meant for use with charcoal disks. It comes as dust, shavings, sticks, and there are different varieties.
You should be able to get it from health food and metaphysical stores as well.
The best and most fragrant varieties are native to Malaysia, India and Australia, where it’s farmed in commercial plantings to limit wild tree overharvesting. In the US it’s imported from these countries and is a bit more expensive. Sandalwood - Wikipedia
This one time, in ritual, I was asked to buy a red cyclamen plant in bloom, which you can get at grocery stores here often, and rip it t pieces as an offering. I refused, because that’s stupid, it laughed, and I was so unimpressed I never bothered to speak to it again.
Oh that is gold lol . Cyclamens are such pretty plants too. I have a magenta and white flowered one in my living room. It’s one of my favourite plant babies
. Cyclamens are such pretty plants too. I have a magenta and white flowered one in my living room. It’s one of my favourite plant babies