Journeys of the Grey

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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And thus starts the stories, teachings, experiences, and magical journeys here. I guess I could say I’m a bit new to everything magic and spiritual, although I practiced when i was 13-17, when I had a mentor, and a very very dear friend.

My new story, born in the ashes of another
I will start with how I returned to my practice at 25, after dropping it suddenly years prior due to life just getting real busy and my mind got a bit overwhelmed. It all started at this hoarder house that i lived in with 2 partners, it was mostly a mess due to his late step father who was the main cause of the houses disarray. The relationship being a year and seven months by May, and moving in to said house about 6 months prior, meaning to clean the place. It got worse, he was like his step father. I felt like I was being called back to magic. As I began to try to look up stuff about it, I came across this forum. From there, I began to learn a lot of things, some rituals, spells, meditations, etc. At one point, I began to feel this pull towards Lillith. I began a deep research on her, learning a lot on the forum and elsewhere. I found prayers on here I began to recite daily in the morning, and did tarot spreads asking her things, and such. Things pertaining to my situation as a whole, and what I should do for the betterment of my health overall. My readings began to really speak of either staying and continuing with everything with the hopes it will get better eventually, or to leave, and start a whole new path again, one with less weight on my shoulders though it will require lots of dedication, work and moving on from what was the past. I chose the latter, after debating it during May and June, leaving at the end of June and returning to my parents home where I grew up, and felt more at peace. It was not a hard transition for me honestly, I had so much time to debate and get emotional over my choice, so I already worked through it as well as doing a string cutting spell. This began my new journey, and how I am here where I am now with so much more progress and knowledge than I thought i could gain in such short time. I am gonna write my own story now, not others, and I have Lillith to thank for this, pushing me towards this and making me deal with the situation.

Now, I began practicing meditations, learning to reconnect with my higher self, and the universe. I did lots of shadow work in such short time, ripping old traumas out and facing them directly, coming to peace with them as a part of me. It was a very very painful process, but I knew it was necessary and I felt that I was ready to do it. I learned many rituals, enns, invocations, and so much more from this forum and have you all as well to thank for it. It reignited the flame in me, bringing me back to life, and helping me reach an inner peace I never thought existed. This forum truly did change my life, and for the better. Ever since I returned home, nothing but good has happened, and all the toxicity fell off and away. I finally have a chance for a project car which I’ve wanted for years and years, never being able to find one or not having the money for it. I learned invocations, And connected with Prince Seere, and King Paimon who both have also helped and changed my life and how I even see myself now. They helped me find the perfect job, and I very much made sure to pay my respects and thanks, they are absolutely amazing beings to work with. And that brings me to now. Lets see where my path will lead to.

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My golden rule that helps me keep doubt and lack of motivation at bay: Even when I rest, I’m still connected. My magic lives in me, not in how many times I practice. I will retain my abilities no matter how much time there is between practices.

These practices/teachings I am about to type is what I have been using throughout my new journey, borrowed thankfully from guides on here, among other places, some even modified/made by myself to make it more personal to connect deeper with me.

Meditation isn’t listening to music or repeating a mantra or focusing on your breath only, it is cultivating the awareness, and learning to observe your own thoughts and mental activity without getting caught up in it. Those things can serve as an anchor - you focus on them, and when you realized your mind has wandered, you return to your anchor. you are developing a skill, and then you can transfer that skill to things you do when you aren’t meditating.

When you wish to learn something or have a question but can’t really figure it out yourself, try to present it to yourself like you would someone else asking that question, and just let your mind open and flow. It will fill in the rest.

For centering yourself during meditation, this is you creating that quiet equilibrium. The in between. In this state, you will feel serenity, calmness, and feel yourself connecting with your higher consciousness. Try, just like when we started, going to that happy place. It is a quiet calm place and takes a bit of focus to stay in it. This can be a place to commune as well. Some say you need an empty blank mind and visualize a black or grey plane of existence. It does not always have to be this, it is also wherever you feel most connected and rooted into your inner being. Whatever releases you from the physical world and attunes you to your inner self and physical self. Ways of focusing during the visualization for me is feeling the wind, hearing it as it blows by the grass and trees I visualize, hearing the trees creak and sway back and forth. Smell the fine smell of nature. All of this can clear your mind and ready you for your spiritual work.

These are known as trance states from what I have been gathering. Beta is where we are now in the waking consciousness. Alpha is a more deep relaxation kind of like when you zone out or listen to relaxing music. Theta is a deep trance state, where your mind is awake but your body is asleep.

A neat way to enter the alpha state is to visualize a silver cloud just above your head. Feel the soft relaxing glow of this cloud radiating down upon you. With an inhalation, pull the cloud down onto the top of your head. Feel your scalp and even hair relax. Exhale and feel all your tension flow into the cloud. With another inhalation, draw the cloud down over your head and face, covering your neck as well. Exhale and feel all the stress and tension from your head and neck draining away from you into the cloud. Once you get to your feet, see the cloud dissolve into the floor beneath you taking all of your tension with it. After this, foc us on your breath and just follow the natural flow. Don’t try to control it or anything, just sit there for a few moments and just vibe in it.

After focusing on your breath for a little, bring your focus to your mind. In the darkness, visualize the number 13. Hold it for a moment, then let it fade away. Next visualize 12, hold it for a moment, and let it fade away. Continue this all the way down to 1. Once the countdown is complete, focus again on your breath for a moment or two. Your head may feel slightly heavy at this point.

Once again, bring your focus to your mind. Now begin to countdown from 12 only this time instead of visualizing the numbers, say them outloud in your mind as if yelling into the universe, feeling it spread out and echo back to you. When you complete the second countdown, once again focus on your breath. Follow it in and out and allow the altered state to stabilize. This is a light to medium alpha state where you would perform banishing rituals, astral journeying, candle magic, divination, scrying, open seals and communicating with spirits, etc.

With practice ste state you reach will become deeper and deeper, and eventually into theta. To come out of the trance, count down from 12 to 1, with every number, feel your connection to the physical slowly return as you remain grounded and centered. Visualization isn’t needed.

Lucid dreaming is a skill, and like all magic, requires practice and intention. When setting your intentions with your nighttime rituals, be sure to include affirmations as well as trying to be relatively sober by bed time and lack of use of social media or TV, though I have noticed that actually does not affect whether or not i dream, or how vivid it is. Keep up with the dream journal, it does make it easier overtime to not only fall into a lucid dream when wanted or willed, but also easier to remember, much more potent and strong, and more control. Another way to induce dreaming is the wake and back to bed method. You wake up 4 to 6 hours of sleep, stay awake for about 20 minutes then head back to bed with the intention of lucid dreaming. The last rem sleep cycle is the most powerful and most vivid. Always reality check, do it now even. If you continue this habit your subconscious will bring this habit over into your dream world. Poke the middle of your hand, and repeat this is not a dream when awake. It trains your subconscious mind to do this as well. Another way is to close your mouth and pinch your nose and see if you can still breath. Although most of this is from anothers teachings, ironically I seem to have weird sleeping patterns, possibly due to medication or insomnia or just crap sleep in general. I seem to wake up a decent bit during the night, and it takes me about what feels like 15 to 30 minutes to fall back asleep. Sometimes I go between consciousness and dream state even, but could never gain control or fully acknowledge what was happening. But it seems being an absolute rotisserie chicken in the middle of the night helps induce my lucid dreaming. I recently started thinking about connecting with Lillith once more. I know she can appear in dreams, so I made a little prayer for her, or maybe a daughter carrying a message that she may send my way.

Lillith, Great Mother, hear my call,
through the night, watch over all.
Keeper of the hidden flame,
guide me gently, speak my name

Through my dreams, let your wisdom flow,
teach me what I need to know.
Hold my spirit, strong and true,
lend me courage that is born to you

If your daughter walks my way,
let her in my night dreams stay.
If the time is not yet near,
help me wait with trust, not fear.

This has given me a couple very vivid dreams but a bit harder to remember and record, though I shall to my utmost best to fill my journal as best as I can.

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Its been a little over a month since I last wrote. Lots of turmoil has definitely arised within me. Deep feelings of loneliness, feeling lost, and without any sense of direction. I questioned lots of things about life in general among other things. Why anything, why do I hurt so much, how long can I keep this up feeling so hollow, why has this numbness come about so suddenly and heavily? etc. I discovered a lot of information from a psychoanalyst by the name of Carl Jung, and a lot of what he speaks of resonates with me and just seems to click for me. The explanation of ego death, the old dying and making room for the new, he even calls it spiritual awakening. Where I seem to be in this transformation is right in the middle, or what he calls the descent into the underworld, as well as beginning to truly meet my shadow self. I have been journaling, learning self care, and putting myself before all else, instead of trying to please others. I no longer let myself think negative things of me. When I begin to have emotions that can be a bit overwhelming, I do not try to push it away, or ignore it anymore. I feel it and accept it as part of me, and who I am. As I began accepting myself truly for who I am now, that was when the deep sinking feeling into numbness, and questioning the point in pretty much everything and anything. I truly could not understand the point in it all, but I wanted to make sense of it somehow. It did trouble me, making my mind a huge trap for overwhelming thoughts running wild in my mind again. I began asking myself why I feel the way I do whenever those thoughts came about. What brought them there, what brought these feelings to the surface? As I looked deeper and deeper within myself, the more empty and alone I started feeling. This was when the ego death started really kicking in. I lost all sense of who I was, and even now I don’t even know who I am. Though now I am learning how to cope and move forward, the answer is to just simply ride the waves as my new self takes shape, and shed my older self away. I no longer need to live in survival mode all the time, I am allowed to have the peace I’ve desired so deeply. Life has been quite heavy, so much happening, so much disconnection from everything. Yet, I still can find moments of peace for myself now. This is a major transition for me in so many ways. My mind and self are undergoing a huge change, and it is a change for the better. No more surviving, it is time to live. All I feel that i can do is just patiently wait and see how I change. Its been difficult as well to continue my practices or stay focused with it, even with meditation. Its somehow harder now, as empty as I feel currently my mind stays flooded. I know overtime it will get easy again. But for now, everything seems to feel a bit difficult and just too much for my mind. I try anyways, but it is still very heavy to carry day by day. But I know I will be ok.

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I return with more wonderful experiences. I felt a call about a month or 2 ago, as I was asking for help from who may be able to guide me in a time of darkness and confusion. The thought of Lucifer appeared in my mind almost immediately. I asked if he may be able to guide me back onto my path, leading me away from the negativity that clouds my mind. I asked for a clearer sign that it was he who answered my call. I even made a seperate post on this, to confirm its a more clearer sign. A lovely desk appeared in my neighborhood in the night, shown as free. I grabbed it immediately. I thought it as a sign and even a gift to a degree, and thus sparked my new founded relationship with Lucifer. As time went on, and I tried to become more consistent with my practice as I also dealt with the major stressors of daily life among other issues as well that demanded too much attention. I kept him within my thoughts, drew his sigil and kept it in my wallet, and even eventually bought an onyx bracelet to honor him. I asked for the bracelet to be the true connection between our energies, to have a small piece of him with me where ever I go, even though the sigil does all the same. My mood has drasitcally improved, and my mental strength to keep it under control as grown greatly. Great things began to happen in my life I was not initially expecting, I even landed a project car, which I have been wanting for years now. And suddenly, it ended up in the back of my driveway, ready to be worked on and brought back to life. I began days ago meditating more, noticing that I actually WANT to meditate, not just have it as something I have to do as if it were just obligatory steps to be able to practice. I’ve been quickly falling deep into the trance state, floating in the void with pure relaxation and an almost empty mind for once. My mind does not like to be silent, even when I need it to be like during meditative practices and other things that require focus. Now it feels like sitting back, relaxing and just living in the moment truly. I got past a difficult obstacle finally. I dedicated an incense holder, designed as a hooded figure holding what seems to be either a candle stick without the candle (has a small hole to put the incense in) or a chalice. I knew he appeared to others as a hooded figure, so I thought this would be a great gift to show my appreciation for what he has helped me with thus far. I then just yesterday began to make a small altar for him, instead of just having a piece of my main alter dedicated to him so it may be more personalized just for him. I decided today to do a small gift giving with a necklace ive had since ive started practicing in general all those years ago. I brought the hooded figure onto the top of the alter, placed his sigil i drew infront of it, with a white candle inbetween the two, as well as the incense stick into the cup the figure holds. When I lit the stick, it grew a big flame that would never have happened normally. I listened to a video that speaks his enn over and over, staring intently upon his sigil as it began to flash vigorously, and recited his enn along side the video for a few minutes until I felt the ritual was ready to begin. I then turned the light off, barely having daylight in, and the altar barely lit by the candle. As the video continued playing his enn into my ears, I began thanking him for all that he has done for me, and wished to present this necklace to him as a gift to symbolize our growing friendship/relationship. I brought the pendant to the incense smoke to bathe it in, in my mind making sense because I use dragons blood quite a lot. Brought it over the white candles flame, to purify it to his wants and bless it with his light. I asked further for guidance on my path, to learn his ways of magic, to assist me in finding my true self, and to see me as one of his eager students. As I brought the ritual to an end, and left the incense to burn, I could feel a strong warm energy come over me, and has not left since. We have connected deeper now, and I feel like I can conquer any obstacle that comes my way. It even feels almost like a fatherly warmth to some degree. I feel comfort, safety, certainty and strength. I gave sincere thanks, and said that I hope that our connection only deepens from here, becoming closer friends. Hail Lucifer, Lord of the Ascended Flame.

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All day yesterday I felt a very strong pull to Lucifer. It was like I was being called. Today as soon as I awoke, I felt that I knew what I was being called to do. I set up a small area for an invocation. After meditating to get myself where I need to be, I cleansed the room, both with a banishing ritual and cleansing my tools with dragons blood incense. I brought out his sigil, a red candle and black candle, and began speaking his enn as I peered deep into the sigil in a trance. I spoke out his name, calling out to him, asking for his presence and to feel his energy flow within me. After reciting the enn, speaking out to him as well as asking for assistance with a couple things, I asked for the lord to show me that he was here and heard me. Then within a couple minutes, the red candles flame began to flicker and dance as is grew bigger than the other. As excited as I was, I pushed aside the excitement to stay focused, and began to gaze into the flame. As it danced, I saw what looked like a cloaked/hooded figure in the flame. Only twice did i see this within a split second between the flickers, at the heart of the flame. I felt his energy run through me, mixing with my own. I’ve never had such a successful invocation like this with so much activity. Slowly but surely I burn down what little doubt that tries to penetrate my mind, and my power begins to grow more. Lucifer is showing me just how much I have been learning without realizing it, and reassured me with his calm yet fortifying energy. It felt warm, inviting, yet strong and I felt safe and protected, almost like a father even. As I ended the ritual, I gave my sincerest thanks, standing and giving a small bow in respect. Within my mind, I saw what looked to be a nicely dressed man who appeared out of the dark, spoke that I did a good job, and even gave the top of my head a kiss. My connection seems to have growed very strong with Lucifer, and only from here it will grow as I practice. He has guided me to show myself what my abilities are, and that I can accomplish all that I set out to do.

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Firstly apologies for not making paragraphs in all of them I keep ranting and get excited. On another note though, I’m not sure if this means much, but I seem to have slowly been eating more and more cinnamon based stuff. I put a dash of it in my coffee grounds in the morning, I just got a sweet deal on cinnamon rolls and bite sized french toast, even been eating cinnamon toast crunch. I had small cinnamon coffee cakes but I crushed those rather fast.

I know one of Lucifers herbs he’s known for is cinnamon but I didn’t know if it meant his taste or just scents he likes or whatever else it could mean. But I mean, definitely a seemingly odd coincidence that I find funny and interesting at the same time.

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Cinnamon is a solar herb, cinnamon is a hot spice in hoodoo, and cinnamon oil applied to the third eye helps with clairvoyance.

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I’ve finally gotten the self discipline to meditate daily if possible, which was always an issue in the past. This morning, I hopped on, theres a video that cites a mantra that Lucifer has given to them, and i meditate on it while they speak the mantra. It puts me in a very deep state of meditation, deeper than almost all other meditations I’ve done. I’ve also been practicing the mantra on my own time, trying to remember it all.

Today I decided to try something a little different for my daily meditation. I started speaking outloud the mantra with the person on the video, and started to gently rock back an forth. At some certain parts of it, although I don’t know if it was random or specifically during certain words spoken, I would feel what felt like a bolt of electricity shoot up my spine, sometimes even causing me to jump a bit from how sudden and strong it was. Sometimes during the rocking even, I felt a very weird sensation that is hard to describe in my head also at random while I was rocking. But in a way, they both felt nice, just quite powerful and sudden when it would happen.

I’m not exactly sure what to make of it. My focus for this meditation was to just work on my senses, while trying to also enter a deep state of meditation. But I want to say I was more focused on the mantra and I didn’t really mindfully focus about halfway through, almost like I was lost in the mantra. My mind usually is flooded with random rampant thoughts, even during other meditations I have to take a second sometimes to anchor myself and push those thoughts out or just let them pass by, but this time it was like they were barely even background noise. I could barely hear them during the mantra. I have a few meditations that can put me in a very deep theta state, But this mantra just seems to affect me much differently while also doing the same.

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I attempted my first evocation. Although I could tell a tiny piece of me wanted to think it was not going to work the way I wanted, I silenced those thoughts as much as I could. Doubt has no home in my mind. I tried to evoke Lucifer.

Though I believe it worked, it may have not been a strong evocation maybe. Or maybe I still need to work on my senses which I thought were getting stronger slowly with my meditations. I always imagine random scenarios in life throughout my day every now and then, I also figured that might exercise the senses as well, though I don’t know if I have been doing anything wrong.

I had 8 questions prepared. It was a bit hard to be able to feel him since I tried the one evocation I found on here that is got beginners, meant for those who don’t have much senses just yet. I tried to write as he was guiding me to, I believe it was a form of gnosis rather than actually hearing him. I feel like I could’ve gotten more from this but I do not know how.

I’ve noticed the invocations I’ve done in the past have had far more success, such as the ones I did with King Paimon and Prince Seere. They were able to communicate through me quite easily actually. I wonder if invoking Lucifer would be the better option. I don’t know why but I feel that invocation is much simpler for me than evocation, especially with results but then again this was my first evocation.

I feel like I need guidance but even though I find many answers on this forum, not much sticks with me it seems. I know that magicians are usually more of a solitary practitioner, but I feel like having someone to guide me would make things go so much smoother. Lucifer said he would help me and teach me things, and I do not doubt that for a second. Though I just feel like having a mentor for a bit would really help a lot.

Maybe I should try to evoke him again sometime in the future, but I still think invocation is the way to go. I feel like I’m not learning much even though I’ve absorbed lots of knowledge and have read some books as well. Something just feels missing and I can’t tell what. Hopefully it will all be revealed to me sometime soon, I don’t like this feeling of stagnation. Or rather, something is keeping me from moving forward.

Maybe I’m just reading into it all too much and wanting to make things work sooner rather than later. I know I have power, that I am meant for the magical path, but I can’t help but feel that I’m stuck. Maybe with invocation I can get more from Lucifer, and he can help me easier.

Edit from new thought: I know I’m not doing any of it incorrectly. It does feel right, even my gut tells me that things are correct. Maybe it is just simply because i’ve only really been consistently practicing for about 6ish months, and that I just gotta keep on keeping on kinda thing. Keep trying, not introduce new stuff constantly but practice what few rituals I have done, and from there maybe things will just come to me instead of me desperately searching for other means of communication or other ways to strengthen my senses. All I know is I’m trying my best, and I am still making some progress. Even a little progress is still progress, and I need to learn the patience of that.

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